Why do you delay marriage ppl...

[Indefinable]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL at ur sig just saw it now :rotfl:
[MENTION=47857]Indefinable[/MENTION] LOLOL

Yeah, I noticed it. And take heed of my sig and Shay's sig too.

I'm reporting all posts/reps/PMs which 'bother' me.

[RaNdOm]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Yeah, I noticed it. And take heed of my sig and Shay's sig too.

I'm reporting all posts/reps/PMs which 'bother' me.

What does that mean?

[Stoic Believer]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Yeah, well that's your outlook on it. Maybe your mindset is like this through experience.
I, however, am absolutely clueless on this subject and therefore filled with hopes and dreams.
Why should I settle for an 'okay' someone? Why should I deny myself a chance on a real soulmate like connection.
Seriously, if there is one thing I am sure of it's that on this subject, I am either an all or nothing person.
Thinking about marrying a guy who is okay, but I don't have any feelings for him or we don't click that well is just terrifying. Who on earth wants a boring marriage? Who wants to answer the question 'why did you marry him / her" with "Yeah he seemed like a decent person/muslim."
I know I don't. That's the person u are going to spend all your life with if all goes well..no way I'm torturing myself with the idea of the possibility that there could be someone out there who was a better ffit for me & understood me, but I settled for an 'okay' cause I didn't want to 'delay' marriage.

I know I sound naive but a girl can dream. In fact, dreaming is all I can do. While the rest is flirting chatting with guys, swooning over guys, enjoying sweet talk and lovey doveyness all we as muslim girls can do is sit & wait & feeling like you are missing out even though that's just Shaytaan whispers . So, you want to assure yourself that it will be worth the wait. And 'good enough' and getting married just for the sake Of Being married isn't going to cut it for me.
Maybe my opinion will change in the future. But right now I'm just very firm about this.

This "soulmate" stuff is a fantasy.

You can find someone who is a good fit for you, who you have chemistry with, who you can be happily married to. But there will be parts of them that you don't like. But because of this soulmate mentality, people will not accept this and instead move on in a futile quest for that one partner who fits them 100% perfectly. This person does not exist. There will always be someone who is better in some ways, but worse in other ways.

[muzzybee]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

[MENTION=83419]muzzybee[/MENTION]

Haha nice try deeni......that made me laugh big time

[Kya]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

I took my time because life was good n I didn't want to rock the boat. Why leave safe heaven of my parents house for the unknown. Plus I wanted a guy as convenient as possible to maintain my good life with minimal risk. Took a while to find that

"wait there might be something better" is state of mind and not something truly better. No one believes they will get best guy or girl but they want someone who doesn't raise that question in mind

[Eorlingas]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Sometimes you walk by the good ones because you're trying too hard, too hard to see them. I don't believe that it's a failing.I don't believe that it's a fault. If everything were plain sailing then what would there be left to exalt? And you won't give up till an all time love..because nothing else is good enough..you want an all time love to find you.

[Dinobot]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

I am going to marry this year so no more delaying for me. But a lot of my friends got married earlier than me and they are either struggling or have divorced. Because they all rushed into it. I didn't delay as much as I could not find a suitable wife. I have had family members try to set up with me for and truth be told it was easy for me to get married. I have everything I need in life alhamdulliah. And I don't look too bad for a somali. No big forehead light brown skin, curly wavy hair lol But in seriousness. I just could not find a proper religious girl. Most somali girls I have come across were immature and after talking to them gave me the impression they were still kids mentally. Plus culturally they were not....how shall I say somali enough. Perhaps it is the nature of living in a western country. You tend to pick up their habits. At one point I did consider going back to my hometown to look for a wife. But hey in the end, I found a religious wife. some might say too religious lol but I realised it wasn't that she was too religious. It was I wasn't religious enough. And I am working on that.

I wish everyone the best to find a spouse. Just remember there is nothing more valuable than a religious person because so long as they have the fear of Allah in them they would do good. You just have to watch for the phonies and posers pretending to be religious. That takes time. That's where your wali comes in sisters. And for the men, get your women folk to investigate as well. And finally. I have a rule when it comes to investigating who is genuine and who is not. The first year of talking is the year where your emotions and being in love clouds your mind. After the year, you will see everything clearly and logically. It is not a set rule but never ever make decisions emotionally when you are high in love. It can cloud your thinking. Be cold and logical. Make sure you are compatible with your potential. Make sure that your family and their family are completely gelled together. Make sure both of you have the right expectations for each other. There is nothing worse than getting to a marriage with unrealistic or wrong expectations. Remember people will lie to get hold of you if they think that's what it will take. Honesty these days is very short.

More importantly never cross the boundaries of the deen in an effort to get to know the person. A marriage that begins with barakah lasts longer. And there can be no barakah if you have committed a sin on the way to marriage.

[Stoic Believer]

I am going to marry this year so no more delaying for me. But a lot of my friends got married earlier than me and they are either struggling or have divorced. Because they all rushed into it. I didn't delay as much as I could not find a suitable wife. I have had family members try to set up with me for and truth be told it was easy for me to get married. I have everything I need in life alhamdulliah. And I don't look too bad for a somali. No big forehead light brown skin, curly wavy hair lol But in seriousness. I just could not find a proper religious girl. Most somali girls I have come across were immature and after talking to them gave me the impression they were still kids mentally. Plus culturally they were not....how shall I say somali enough. Perhaps it is the nature of living in a western country. You tend to pick up their habits. At one point I did consider going back to my hometown to look for a wife. But hey in the end, I found a religious wife. some might say too religious lol but I realised it wasn't that she was too religious. It was I wasn't religious enough. And I am working on that.

I wish everyone the best to find a spouse. Just remember there is nothing more valuable than a religious person because so long as they have the fear of Allah in them they would do good. You just have to watch for the phonies and posers pretending to be religious. That takes time. That's where your wali comes in sisters. And for the men, get your women folk to investigate as well. And finally. I have a rule when it comes to investigating who is genuine and who is not. The first year of talking is the year where your emotions and being in love clouds your mind. After the year, you will see everything clearly and logically. It is not a set rule but never ever make decisions emotionally when you are high in love. It can cloud your thinking. Be cold and logical. Make sure you are compatible with your potential. Make sure that your family and their family are completely gelled together. Make sure both of you have the right expectations for each other. There is nothing worse than getting to a marriage with unrealistic or wrong expectations. Remember people will lie to get hold of you if they think that's what it will take. Honesty these days is very short.

More importantly never cross the boundaries of the deen in an effort to get to know the person. A marriage that begins with barakah lasts longer. And there can be no barakah if you have committed a sin on the way to marriage.

:salams:

A few questions.

How old were your friends when they got married, if you don't mind sharing?

Did you ever come across sisters who were posers in terms of deen? Was it easy to see through them?

[Dinobot]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

:salams:

A few questions.

How old were your friends when they got married, if you don't mind sharing?

Did you ever come across sisters who were posers in terms of deen? Was it easy to see through them?

Waalikum as salam

My friends were in their early twenties

Yes I have. It's not easy because everyone man or woman are usually on their best behaviour when people are trying to court each other. But the truth always comes out once the familiarity kicks in. Some people can hide their true selves far better than others or longer than others.

[.mirror.]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

It ain't that easy.

[Vitriolic_Sage]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Cmon lets face it ,no one is going to find the perfect soul.
Money ,degree all worldly things that take you away from marriage.

You know sometimes you get a potential ,but you know you get this feeling what if there is someone better ,Dont do that.

Yes your time has to come but how are you preparing to tie your camel.

What will ever satisfy this creation.

Oh well....

The average person lives to be 80. If i get married now, thats 46 years of misery. I wait till Im 40, thats only 40 years. Wait till 50, only 30 years. Why rush and increase the pain?

[Sirius]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

The average person lives to be 80. If i get married now, thats 46 years of misery. I wait till Im 40, thats only 40 years. Wait till 50, only 30 years. Why rush and increase the pain?

why get married at all with that attitude.

[Vitriolic_Sage]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

why get married at all with that attitude.

A very good question. But need someone to drive me to the doctor. Once you hit 50 you need to get a colonscopy every 10 years and they dont let you drive yourself due to the sedatives.

[Sirius]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

A very good question. But need someone to drive me to doctor.

life's too short to be miserable and cause others misery.

[m7md]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

I am going to marry this year so no more delaying for me. But a lot of my friends got married earlier than me and they are either struggling or have divorced. Because they all rushed into it. I didn't delay as much as I could not find a suitable wife. I have had family members try to set up with me for and truth be told it was easy for me to get married. I have everything I need in life alhamdulliah. And I don't look too bad for a somali. No big forehead light brown skin, curly wavy hair lol But in seriousness. I just could not find a proper religious girl. Most somali girls I have come across were immature and after talking to them gave me the impression they were still kids mentally. Plus culturally they were not....how shall I say somali enough. Perhaps it is the nature of living in a western country. You tend to pick up their habits. At one point I did consider going back to my hometown to look for a wife. But hey in the end, I found a religious wife. some might say too religious lol but I realised it wasn't that she was too religious. It was I wasn't religious enough. And I am working on that.

I wish everyone the best to find a spouse. Just remember there is nothing more valuable than a religious person because so long as they have the fear of Allah in them they would do good. You just have to watch for the phonies and posers pretending to be religious. That takes time. That's where your wali comes in sisters. And for the men, get your women folk to investigate as well. And finally. I have a rule when it comes to investigating who is genuine and who is not. The first year of talking is the year where your emotions and being in love clouds your mind. After the year, you will see everything clearly and logically. It is not a set rule but never ever make decisions emotionally when you are high in love. It can cloud your thinking. Be cold and logical. Make sure you are compatible with your potential. Make sure that your family and their family are completely gelled together. Make sure both of you have the right expectations for each other. There is nothing worse than getting to a marriage with unrealistic or wrong expectations. Remember people will lie to get hold of you if they think that's what it will take. Honesty these days is very short.

More importantly never cross the boundaries of the deen in an effort to get to know the person. A marriage that begins with barakah lasts longer. And there can be no barakah if you have committed a sin on the way to marriage.

Now people r getting divorced lots more then before , got nothing to do with rushing,
Man our elders especially grandparents would rush like anything u could have seen but mashallah their marriages were so successful,,
So divorce is not due to rushing or being so very cautious ,,