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Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

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  • Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

    :salams:

    You will see time after time people say and tell sisters to communicate with the wali and get your wali involved but how many men that are interested in someone's daughter actually talk to the wali direct? 0%

    If men would just talk directly with the guardian of the bride to be things are easier for everyone and it makes things less long winded.

    Is it because you're nervous?
    Because you're embarrassed?
    Or you're just a scardy cat?

    Tell me, don't you want to talk to your potential father in law. You should.

    I know in some cultures you might be labelled as shameless to talk to the father in law, but things have changed and it's better if you just talk to him.

    My dad would prefer 'potential' damands (grooms ) to speak to him directly (especially if there are no other men in the family) rather than to some random woman. When you have her or his details just get down to business and cut the middle man out. Make your life easier and less complicated.

    Don't you think?

    :jkk:
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

  • #2
    Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

    I don't understand this question........a 'religious' guy will contact the wali.......no?
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

      This depends from person to person(and sometimes culture), but its not like everyone are extremely polite when asked about their daughters hand. Some are so overprotective it wards off what could be a decent approach to marriage.

      If his behavior is more influenced by Islam than "culture" than I would be more willing to ask him directly.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

        Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
        This depends from person to person(and sometimes culture), but its not like everyone are extremely polite when asked about their daughters hand. Some are so overprotective it wards off what could be a decent approach to marriage.

        If his behavior is more influenced by Islam than "culture" than I would be more willing to ask him directly.
        thanks for your reply, tbh from personal experience it's not much to do with the father in law's religious stance or the potential's religiosity

        sometimes they are reluctant after the first conversation and would rather hand it over to another person, which seems to be a woman all the time

        why? because they are still interested in the bride to be

        even older men, who have experienced, should they be shy? what's your opinion on this?
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

          Originally posted by shay5 View Post
          I don't understand this question........a 'religious' guy will contact the wali.......no?
          not necessarily

          sometimes families contact one another but if the main man is the potential (no other male members) he should be doing all the communications
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

            An honourable muslim man whose serious in his intention to marry will always ask the wali first as opposed a dishonorable man who goes about speaking to the woman first and "getting to know each other " bakwaas
            82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

              Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
              An honourable muslim man whose serious in his intention to marry will always ask the wali first as opposed a dishonorable man who goes about speaking to the woman first and "getting to know each other " bakwaas
              sorry sister, I meant men that have already exchanged their details via 'halal' means but instead get another lady from their family to speak to the bride's father

              man to man is better, stops the confusion and anything that the man himself might want to ask the wali

              the getting to know thing is so common, people want to get to know you for ten years and then decide whether you are a match or not lol
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                Yes I agree ....if the daughter likes you ,trust me the convos are sweet with the FIL.

                However ,potentials know ,the only way he can screw up is also if he says or does summing stupid and its like the FIL has the finger in the nuclear switch ,so he thinks.

                But not true,FILs are wonderful to get along ,and always welcome a good convo .That is a special relationship ,a unique bond that forms.

                Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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                • #9
                  Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                  Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                  ...Don't you think?...
                  No, because it obviously isn't true.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                    Yes I agree ....if theyou daughter likes you ,trust me the convos are sweet with the FIL.

                    However ,potentials know ,the only way he can screw up is also if he says or does summing stupid and its like the the FIL has the finger in the nuclear switch ,so he thinks.

                    But not true,FILs are wonderful to get along ,and always welcome a good convo .That is a special relationship ,a unique bond that forms.

                    exactly, my dad has spoken to a few and it is so much easier to know how the man talks to see his mannerism so it is a bit of a wallop cadollop when they are like no no, I am too shy or whatever to talk to wali sahab

                    so much better to show the wali that you are responsible enough to get things done yourself, shows you're independent methinks

                    I find only a very few south Asians speak to the wali, not sure about other cultures
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      sorry sister, I meant men that have already exchanged their details via 'halal' means but instead get another lady from their family to speak to the bride's father

                      man to man is better, stops the confusion and anything that the man himself might want to ask the wali

                      the getting to know thing is so common, people want to get to know you for ten years and then decide whether you are a match or not lol
                      Ah okay. In my culture (Pakistani ) the guys womenfolk speak to the women's mum whereas the men of his family be it his dad elder brother or uncle speak to the woman's dad failing that the man himself would speak to the wali. The ladies don't speak to the wali
                      82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                        Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
                        No, because it obviously isn't true.
                        there are men, even 'religious' men that would prefer not to talk to the wali and instead get another member of the family to talk him

                        it's okayish if it's his brother or dad

                        but when it's his mum, sister or some random aunty, no it is not okay
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          thanks for your reply, tbh from personal experience it's not much to do with the father in law's religious stance or the potential's religiosity

                          sometimes they are reluctant after the first conversation and would rather hand it over to another person, which seems to be a woman all the time

                          why? because they are still interested in the bride to be

                          even older men, who have experienced, should they be shy? what's your opinion on this?
                          Because they want others to do the work for them. They want the easy way, and there is some comfort to let others just hazzle through it. It is time consuming, and they lack the motivation for this part.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            not necessarily

                            sometimes families contact one another but if the main man is the potential (no other male members) he should be doing all the communications
                            Ok...I understand now...so the reason they do not do it because of cultural reasons...its just cultural to get your parents to contact their parents....

                            There was a guy who was interested in a friend of mine...he asked a mutual person to let her know he was interested and she gave her brother's details and her brother met up with him....She did that out of convenience because her dad is old and it would have been weird for her......for the initial meet up...then after the brother approved he got family involved...
                            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Why don't men like talking to the father of the bride? or the wali himself?

                              Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
                              Ah okay. In my culture (Pakistani ) the guys womenfolk speak to the women's mum whereas the men of his family be it his dad elder brother or uncle speak to the woman's dad failing that the man himself would speak to the wali. The ladies don't speak to the wali
                              :jkk:

                              that is so much better, i'd prefer that

                              this has happened a few times with my search but the majority get the women to do speak to my dad and we don't like that

                              it's a bit off putting
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment

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