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  • Unwanted Children

    Well recently in the media, there has been much attention given to a trend that people are coming out saying that its normal and okay to say "we do not want children" or some people, if they had children, they are coming out openly and saying "I regret having Children".

    Your thoughts brothers and sisters about it. Should we as Muslims give people liberty or exert a peer pressure in the form of condemning such trends.

    I know some Muslim Feminists like the famous user "Salafi Feminist" have written some things about this.

    I think its Makruh for a couple to mutually decide to not have children at all. Its allowed to do so.

    And in the form of an ideology or a popular trend then its haram and condemnable.

    Your thoughts ?

  • #2
    Re: Unwanted Children

    Originally posted by savo234 View Post
    Well recently in the media, there has been much attention given to a trend that people are coming out saying that its normal and okay to say "we do not want children" or some people, if they had children, they are coming out openly and saying "I regret having Children".

    Your thoughts brothers and sisters about it. Should we as Muslims give people liberty or exert a peer pressure in the form of condemning such trends.

    I know some Muslim Feminists like the famous user "Salafi Feminist" have written some things about this.

    I think its Makruh for a couple to mutually decide to not have children at all. Its allowed to do so.


    And in the form of an ideology or a popular trend then its haram and condemnable.

    Your thoughts ?
    why would it be makruh if both the husband and the wife do not- for whatever reason- want to have kids?
    sigpic

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    • #3
      Re: Unwanted Children

      To say that one's children's were a mistake.. just seems hurtful and wrong.. I mean aren't the kids feeling hurt by this?
      To say that one doesn't want kids.. not everyone does to be honest. I really don't think the media influences in this regard, because as females we have an instinct. a lot of us want kids.. some of us don't (maybe a lot, and my proportions are wrong, but I still think a lot of us do), and even if people are publicly coming out with it on TV, it's a personal preference, so I don't see it influencing women who want children.
      Today I was in Next and the baby section is soooo cute! I literally wanted to buy baby clothes, even though there is no baby to buy them for!Lol. I am one of those that are a bit overly obsessed with babies (my family makes a joke of this) but babies are sooo cute and... Okay I better stop, could go on all day about this.
      And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
      [al-An’aam 6:59]

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      • #4
        Re: Unwanted Children

        Kids are beautiful gifts.

        Why some people don't want this ne3ma...?

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Unwanted Children

          Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
          why would it be makruh if both the husband and the wife do not- for whatever reason- want to have kids?
          Well other than some substantial reason(like health risk or something). Most scholars consider the very act of birth control as Makruh. Because the practice of Azl(Birth Control by withdrawal) in fiqh books is considered Makruh(atleast in hanbali fiqh that I read) when done by consent of both. And haram if one of them does not agree.

          I do not know the reason but I guess, its disliked because its against the encouragement of Prophet(sa) to have children and against an aim of Shariah which is continuity of progeny.

          What I am however concerned is not if two people unusually decide to not have children but the publicity and encouragement of the trend.

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          • #6
            Re: Unwanted Children

            Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
            To say that one's children's were a mistake.. just seems hurtful and wrong.. I mean aren't the kids feeling hurt by this?
            .
            It would definitely suck to be a kid whose parents say "I did not want him/her". Well okay, if you did not plan him/her, atleast have some feeling for the poor kid and love and cherish him/her after birth and don't say or feel openly that "I did not want it".

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            • #7
              Re: Unwanted Children

              Some of the reasons cited by some of these people are.

              - Women saying that giving birth is difficult and it "changes" their bodies.

              - Men saying that it burdens the income and makes enjoyment of life i.e parties, sex, fun etc much more restricted.

              - It effects career or goals in life. Without pregnancies, its easier to pursue some goals.

              - Its too difficult to handle them.


              Some of the posts from the facebook page " I regret having children".

              my moms dream pushed into me as a child. She wanted 4. She had me only. I am a selfish person. I like to think of myself mostly and do what I want. I like freedom and be able to do what I want. I do like kids but I hate people in general. My kids don't socialize much because I don't like to hang out with people. And regret having them. They ruined my life and my freedom. They are needy little monsters who are out to annoy me all day basically. Every day, i cant wait for night when they go to sleep but then I realize that I have to clean up and by the time I'm done I have to go to bed. So I have no life. None. All I do is listen to their whining and taking care of their needs. Especially my 4 year old. She has become the worst creature. She throws fits and whines all day. I'm trying to get her into some decent preschool which isn't easy where I live just so I can have some of the day without her. All I wish is that they would just disappear. I do love them but I don't want them.

              Writing anonymously on feminist website the Vagenda, Tammy says: “My body was ruined, I had to have surgeries later in life to repair what was done to me by forcing an almost 9lb child through my body. And worse yet, it seems as though expressing this honestly makes me a monster ... It seems as though your entire self becomes nothing more than a functional enabler for your kids’ success.”



              I would break down the problem as.
              a) If you do not want to have kids ever as a couple for whatever reason then its only Makruh. Not Haram.
              b) But once you have kids then hating them or not fulfilling your responsibilities towards them is sinful in every way.
              c) If you do not want to have kids then okay. Let it be your choice. Do not publicize or encourage the trend. We had scholars who never married yet they never changed the fact that its an encouraged Sunnah.

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              • #8
                Re: Unwanted Children

                If they really don't want children, I wouldn't force them tbh. I'd be worried for the safety of those children. Mental and physical etc.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Unwanted Children

                  Yes of course we must condemn this abomination.

                  Many people spend years trying and making dua to get children but Allah swt tests them through years without a single child and others are actually infertile. Then we have ungrateful and immature people that are blessed with children yet they don't exhibit any thankfulness and content with Allah 's decree, rather they term it as a 'mistake' or 'unwanted children', absolutely vile.
                  Last edited by Deeni Akh; 21-02-17, 05:14 AM.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Unwanted Children

                    From what I've read (which isn't much I admit, but there isn't much on the subject), there seems to be two groups of people who regret their children: people who regret the circumstances surrounding their children, and people who genuinely regret having children. These are entirely different. Someone can regret that they had children too young, that they had children with the wrong person, that they had children before becoming financially stable, etc. But they can do this without regretting their children as actual people and contributors to their lives.

                    I really feel for the people who truly regret having children, but at the same time I feel that some should have taken better preventative measures, either permanent ones or committing to wait until they felt 100% sure on the issue of having kids. From what little I've read, these are the people who felt immense pressure or got "trapped" into having children. These are people who did not want children or have the right lifestyle or mindset towards having and sacrificing children, so they regret having them.

                    I really think no one should have children unless or until they (not their partner, not their parents, not their friends) are 150% sure that they are ready for the responsibilities and selfless sacrifices. If not sure - Wait. Please wait.

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                    • #11
                      Unwanted Children

                      Honestly, this is me. I have zero interest in having children.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Unwanted Children

                        Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
                        To say that one's children's were a mistake.. just seems hurtful and wrong.. I mean aren't the kids feeling hurt by this?
                        Originally posted by savo234 View Post
                        It would definitely suck to be a kid whose parents say "I did not want him/her". Well okay, if you did not plan him/her, atleast have some feeling for the poor kid and love and cherish him/her after birth and don't say or feel openly that "I did not want it".
                        With all due respect, it sounds like you're both making assumptions that a person feelings' will automatically manifest in their actions. I've read accounts of people who honestly admit to regretting their children. They never show it. They never tell the child. That is unnecessary cruel, and they recognize this. You can still regret your child and be a great parent. You can still regret your child and love them. For some people it just means if they could have chosen differently, they would have. And we all can say that about at least something in our lives.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Unwanted Children

                          I want children and lots of them!! (in sha Allah)

                          I recall a hadith something to the effect that increase the ummah (by having kids) and our prophet :saw: will feel honoured/proud before other prophets and nations on the day of Qiyamah.

                          Also, righteous children pray for your forgiveness once you leave this world...

                          They are truly such a joy
                          “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Unwanted Children

                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                            Honestly, this is me. I have zero interest in having children.
                            What's the reason(s) for this?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              Honestly, this is me. I have zero interest in having children.
                              What's the reason(s) for this?
                              I don't know. I just have no desire to have kids.

                              Comment

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