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Is this kind of sister a problem

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  • Is this kind of sister a problem

    She didn't go university, she doesn't work, she doesn't go out much,

    Just stays at home

    all the time

    Would you question what she is doing with her life or would you think this is good?

    Personally I have a lot of respect for sisters like this but it's 2017 and apparently sisters are expected to have a life outside their home to be suitable for marriage lol
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  • #2
    Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

    You make her sound like a cabbage.
    As long as she is useful in some way to herself and others and is reaching her ability, it should not be a problem.
    On the practical side of things, who is she reliant upon for food, clothing and shelter?
    Plus does she have a plan for her future and how would she implement it?

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    • #3
      Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

      The question arises what is she doing at home to spend her time? (Housework doesn't count as we all do that)

      If she isn't doing anything at all, then there is the concern that she has no goals or ambitions or drive.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

        Originally posted by wifeseeker View Post
        You make her sound like a cabbage.
        As long as she is useful in some way to herself and others and is reaching her ability, it should not be a problem.
        On the practical side of things, who is she reliant upon for food, clothing and shelter?
        Plus does she have a plan for her future and how would she implement it?
        Most likely dad.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

          Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
          The question arises what is she doing at home to spend her time? (Housework doesn't count as we all do that)

          If she isn't doing anything at all, then there is the concern that she has no goals or ambitions or drive.
          But is this any better than girls freemixing in uni, as the people here like to say?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

            Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
            She didn't go university, she doesn't work, she doesn't go out much,

            Just stays at home

            all the time

            Would you question what she is doing with her life or would you think this is good?

            Personally I have a lot of respect for sisters like this but it's 2017 and apparently sisters are expected to have a life outside their home to be suitable for marriage lol
            The facts you have given are not inherently good or bad without context. Going to university is not completely necessary, but I'm not sure how not going would be considered good in itself.

            Having respect for someone depends on what they are actually doing with their time. If she is sitting at home watching TV, then it's hard to have respect for her. If she is building a network of highly educated Muslims through an online school, I can respect that (although if no one comes to her house either, it's likely that someone who has hardly any face-to-face interaction with people will not have particularly good social skills - in the context of being suitable for marriage, that's important).

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

              Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
              But is this any better than girls freemixing in uni, as the people here like to say?
              No need to echo negative sentiments if you personally don't agree with them.
              We don't know the sister or what she gets up to in her house.
              So we ought to give her the benefit of the doubt.
              Maybe she is doing useful things and has it all figured out.
              Maybe she is a unique individual who chooses not to be a sheep.
              Who knows.
              Maybe the Op can help her if she has seen a weakness and she cares.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                get to know her, like what she does in her spare time. the main qualifying factors should be whether she's a religious person and if you like her.
                Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

                -Quran (57:20)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                  I thought this was a hypothetical situation!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                    It could be, we don't really know.
                    Usually hypothetical situations represent a real situation.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                      Its not good to not do anything, I mean I shouldn't be a hypocrite but I do try. If she can, why don't she at least do Islamic studies from home?
                      وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                      And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                      أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                      Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                      Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                      Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                        Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                        But is this any better than girls freemixing in uni, as the people here like to say?
                        Leaving the discussion of freemixing aside as that's a separate issue, it isn't a black and white choice between going to uni and not going to uni and being a vegetable at home. A person may choose no to go to uni but still have other goals and aspirations which they utilise their time on.

                        I guess if you look at it from a hindsight perspective. When someone says what have you done over the past 5 years, are you able to answer that.

                        For example, someone might say I completed my hifdh, got my Arabic to intermediate level, near the end of my alimiyyah, travelled to 7 countries, volunteered at the women's support group...

                        Another person might say completed my degree, got my teaching certificate, started teaching at a primary school, memorised 5 juz, completed hajj...

                        It's not about going to uni or not going to uni. It's just about being productive with one's time, and having the drive and ambition of wanting to do things.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                          Originally posted by wifeseeker View Post
                          No need to echo negative sentiments if you personally don't agree with them.
                          We don't know the sister or what she gets up to in her house.
                          So we ought to give her the benefit of the doubt.
                          Maybe she is doing useful things and has it all figured out.
                          Maybe she is a unique individual who chooses not to be a sheep.
                          Who knows.
                          Maybe the Op can help her if she has seen a weakness and she cares.
                          Wasn't echoing anything negative.

                          True we should give people the benefit of the doubt.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                            Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
                            Leaving the discussion of freemixing aside as that's a separate issue, it isn't a black and white choice between going to uni and not going to uni and being a vegetable at home. A person may choose no to go to uni but still have other goals and aspirations which they utilise their time on.

                            I guess if you look at it from a hindsight perspective. When someone says what have you done over the past 5 years, are you able to answer that.

                            For example, someone might say I completed my hifdh, got my Arabic to intermediate level, near the end of my alimiyyah, travelled to 7 countries, volunteered at the women's support group...

                            Another person might say completed my degree, got my teaching certificate, started teaching at a primary school, memorised 5 juz, completed hajj...

                            It's not about going to uni or not going to uni. It's just about being productive with one's time, and having the drive and ambition of wanting to do things.
                            Sure. It's ain't all black and white.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Is this kind of sister a problem

                              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                              She didn't go university, she doesn't work, she doesn't go out much,

                              Just stays at home

                              all the time

                              Would you question what she is doing with her life or would you think this is good?

                              Personally I have a lot of respect for sisters like this but it's 2017 and apparently sisters are expected to have a life outside their home to be suitable for marriage lol
                              No problem

                              But people who get other thoughts it is because they've been conditioned by this modern way of thinking to believe a person should be more 'normal.'



                              Imo
                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA4aB12r8LY&t=225s

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