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What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

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  • What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

    :salams

    So lately I've been seeing this Margaret Atwood quote everywhere.

    "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

    A flip side to this quote could be, "Women are afraid men will end their lives. Men are afraid women will ruin their lives." (taken from reddit) But the same sort of thing is implied here. Women are afraid that a man will physically hurt them and possibly kill them, while men are afraid that they'll be humiliated and manipulated by the woman.

    Do you feel like there's any truth in these two statements? And if not, then what do you fear the most when it comes to marriage?
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  • #2
    Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

    :wswrwb:

    i ain't afraid of no man!

    anyway, some worries/concerns are natural especially prior to getting married but if you fear as in actually fear them harming/ruining you then i suggest counselling or more..something ain't right/healthy in this relationship
    sigpic

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

      the solution is stay stagnant, thats the best way possible.
      "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

      Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

        Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
        :wswrwb:

        i ain't afraid of no man!

        anyway, some worries/concerns are natural especially prior to getting married but if you fear as in actually fear them harming/ruining you then i suggest counselling or more..something ain't right/healthy in this relationship
        I want to say that I'm afraid of no man, but I'm afraid of everyone. Man, woman and child. The world is a scary place and people are scary too.

        But in terms of relationships, I don't think this is what I fear the most when it comes to having a spouse. But from reading the forum, I do think that there's some truth to this statement. A lot of the brothers dislike the idea of a woman having a past, because of the humiliating factor for them. Same with a gold digger (they're not sincere), or a woman who will argue with them. And on the other side, I've seen comments of sisters being worried about being oppressed by their husbands.

        So there's a clear difference in the fears of men and women. For men, at least on this forum, it comes from a challenge to their authority and sense of worth, while women it comes from some sort of harm. Whether physical or otherwise.
        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
        Surah al-Baqarah
        [2:245]

        .:.
        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

        .:.
        ...said the spider to the fly...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

          Originally posted by samin62 View Post
          the solution is stay stagnant, thats the best way possible.
          Being stagnant has its own problems though.
          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
          Surah al-Baqarah
          [2:245]

          .:.
          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

          .:.
          ...said the spider to the fly...

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

            Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
            Being stagnant has its own problems though.
            glad you caught that
            "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

            Lost in Islamic History :inlove:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

              It's the power dynamic - men are afraid of being portrayed in a negative light in front of others due to their wives. Women are afraid of being oppressed because of the anger and hence physical strength of the husband if the husband cant control his anger. There is an element of truth to this.

              Islam tells us that there are physical strenght differences between males and females also there's differences in thinking which correlates to the Margaret Atwood quote.
              82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                If I got into an argument with a man there is no possibility of me defending myself, I'm pretty small and even an average man could throw me without much effort lol.

                But if you are referring to husband / wife then I fear he might be too *demanding* if you know what I mean. Multiple times a day or something might be too much... then I fear he would be unhappy with me.
                I beg my parents for money

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                  The last paragraph on sister's last reply seems quite a reasonable assessment of things, imho. Men and dishonour, disrespect,etc...women and physical or emotional abuse/neglect.

                  The original quote in the OP though....a little over the top?
                  I don't know of this woman. Maybe she's some sort of comedienne. Women will laugh at you, and men will kill you!

                  (Can already see the brothers and sisters who take part in the forum gender wars sharpening their axes and swords, getting ready for battle... Hopefully not)
                  LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                  -------------------------------
                  "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                  NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                    Margaret Atwood is a celebrated Canadian author who has written numerous best selling novels, including the Handmaiden's Tale.
                    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                    Surah al-Baqarah
                    [2:245]

                    .:.
                    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                    .:.
                    ...said the spider to the fly...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                      :wswrwb:

                      Yes, there appears to be some truth in it, at least the part about men. The biggest nightmare for me personally is a disrespectful and/or verbally abusive wife.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                        Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                        I want to say that I'm afraid of no man, but I'm afraid of everyone. Man, woman and child. The world is a scary place and people are scary too.

                        But in terms of relationships, I don't think this is what I fear the most when it comes to having a spouse. But from reading the forum, I do think that there's some truth to this statement. A lot of the brothers dislike the idea of a woman having a past, because of the humiliating factor for them. Same with a gold digger (they're not sincere), or a woman who will argue with them. And on the other side, I've seen comments of sisters being worried about being oppressed by their husbands.

                        So there's a clear difference in the fears of men and women. For men, at least on this forum, it comes from a challenge to their authority and sense of worth, while women it comes from some sort of harm. Whether physical or otherwise.
                        some concerns are natural, pip, and they usually subside after you have gotten to know your spouse well

                        a fear is something that would -even after you have been married for some time- keep you awake at night expecting the worst..this is not healthy, ideally one should seek outside help if this is the case
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                          I would say the quote is akin to 'men want respect and women want love'

                          If a woman 'laughs' at a man, she might not respect him and if a woman is not loved, she feels 'dead'
                          Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                            Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                            I would say the quote is akin to 'men want respect and women want love'

                            If a woman 'laughs' at a man, she might not respect him and if a woman is not loved, she feels 'dead'
                            wise words indeed
                            sigpic

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: What do Men and Women fear the most when it comes to the opposite gender?

                              Reminds me of this other day I was walking to class. And I saw this couple ahead of me they scurried to one side cuz they were about to start a fight.

                              The guy wanted to walk away from her but his gf was pissed, and got all physical with him. Not really physical but confrontational. She pulled him by his belt area on his pants to stop him from walking away. And boy she's pretty strong.. The guy wanted to walk off but was dragged back to her. Dk what happened next, but it seemed pretty heated.

                              Yeah thats one weird "power dynamic" I suppose.

                              But to answer OPs question, as a female, who've been through abuse before, I pray I don't come across a violent man ever in my life. There's nothing to respect from a guy like that. I will go as far as to say this will be a major dealbreaker.

                              Comment

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