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  • Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

    :salams:

    I've always had this curiosity. Many sisters who have trouble with their parents/single home life that they go out and get married thinking it will be ten times better. I personally know of a sister who got married because there were family problems (I do not know the extent of her problems) and since it's so early (married earlier last year (2016)), it's hard to tell if she's made the right decision but the husband already has lied about 2 major things (his employment and his living conditions).

    Do you think patience is key with marriage? Or is life actually better when you kind of "run your own house" (by you, I mean the husband and yourself)? Or does the misery just follow/increase?

    Although this is geared more towards sisters, brothers' inputs are also welcome.

  • #2
    Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

    Walaikumsalam.

    Did your friend go through the halal QnA with him before tying the knot?

    Cant give an answer to main qn. Sorry sis.
    Last edited by nudgetheputri; 02-01-17, 05:35 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

      Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
      :salams:

      I've always had this curiosity. Many sisters who have trouble with their parents/single home life that they go out and get married thinking it will be ten times better. I personally know of a sister who got married because there were family problems (I do not know the extent of her problems) and since it's so early (married earlier last year (2016)), it's hard to tell if she's made the right decision but the husband already has lied about 2 major things (his employment and his living conditions).

      Do you think patience is key with marriage? Or is life actually better when you kind of "run your own house" (by you, I mean the husband and yourself)? Or does the misery just follow/increase?

      Although this is geared more towards sisters, brothers' inputs are also welcome.
      وعليكم السلام والرحمة الله وبركاته ukthi

      I agree marriage should not be started with lies, dishonesty,

      If those are the only things the Brother lied about and assuming he repented for them and sought forgiveness, doesn't necessarily have to lead to Talaaq/Khula,

      If it's one lie after another, endlessly lying, then there is a serious issue of trust between husband and wife, on the verge of destruction,

      As for marriage itself, Are you suggesting that Rasul صلى الله عليه و سلم and Allah عز و جل imposed on something (marriage) that's worse for us?

      Of course your not,

      It's obviously better to be married then remain single,

      Patience is a necessity for a Muslim in all aspects of our life not just marriage.

      Single life sucks, that's what I can tell you. Lol, no joke.

      :jkk:
      Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 02-01-17, 05:42 PM.
      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

        Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
        Walaikumsalam.

        Did your friend go through the halal QnA with him before tying the knot?

        Cant give an answer to main qn. Sorry sis.
        Oh no problem about the answer part sis, any input is good.

        And yes, they met and briefly spoke via text message (of course the father was monitoring everything) and we know her father is very religious (I'm not sure if he's an actual imam but he knows a lot about religion). And I guess he fooled everyone. Perhaps her family problems were what made her look past any red flags (which I'm sure there should've been some at least). May Allah SWT bless their marriage and keep their love for one another, but this scenario is always in the back of my mind because they're not living too comfortably now (which is something he also lied about). May Allah SWT give them rizqa and help them.

        Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
        وعليكم السلام والرحمة الله وبركاته ukthi

        I agree marriage should not be started with lies, dishonesty,

        If those are the only things the Brother lied about and assuming he repented for them and sought forgiveness, doesn't necessarily have to lead to Talaaq/Khula,

        If it's one lie after another, endlessly lying, then there is a serious issue of trust between husband and wife, on the verge of destruction,

        As for marriage itself, Are you suggesting that Rasul صلى الله عليه و سلم and Allah عز و جل imposed on something (marriage) that's worse for us?

        Of course your not,

        It's obviously better to be married then remain single,

        Patience is a necessity for a Muslim in all aspects of our life not just marriage.

        Single life sucks, that's what I can tell you. Lol, no joke.

        :jkk:
        Oh of course I wasn't imposing anything like that, astaghfiruAllah brother, but I want to see if sisters make wrong decisions when choosing a husband because they are blinded by their family problems.

        A marriage can be a blessing (alhamdulillah) but if you're with the wrong person, it can be very destructive (as you said). I want to see how many sisters actually escape their problems with marriage or whether they create new ones by being so rash (or old ones follow).

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

          :wswrwb:

          Hello :1popcorn:

          I just told some other guy something similar

          it's no better other than having another man with you all the time tbh, just like family, no biggie, just another day but an addition to the number of family members you have. More people to love and look after

          more rewards I guess

          aha aha :1popcorn: yup yup

          it could mean more work, it depends on the man

          I'd say don't think that married life will solve your problems because it won't, you will have to get a grip on yourself before marriage to make things a bit more smooth after marriage

          you'll be a more responsible lady because you'll have to please another man, if you find a friend in him then things will be easier but NOT easier than single life unless you had these other types of issues I shall not mention

          Okey dokey dokes.

          good luck folks
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            :wswrwb:

            Hello :1popcorn:

            I just told some other guy something similar

            it's no better other than having another man with you all the time tbh, just like family, no biggie, just another day but an addition to the number of family members you have. More people to love and look after

            more rewards I guess

            aha aha :1popcorn: yup yup

            it could mean more work, it depends on the man

            I'd say don't think that married life will solve your problems because it won't, you will have to get a grip on yourself before marriage to make things a bit more smooth after marriage

            you'll be a more responsible lady because you'll have to please another man, if you find a friend in him then things will be easier but NOT easier than single life unless you had these other types of issues I shall not mention

            Okey dokey dokes.

            good luck folks
            Exactly what I was thinking sis, I feel that one should be patient and sort their problems at home and then get married in order to avoid falling in a deeper pit (because of their carelessness in choosing a husband). Of course, that's if their problems allow them to practice Islam, I think sisters who are in threat of losing their faith because their parents are not accepting of Islam should definitely get married.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

              just another chapter in life, you gotta work hard to play hard

              isn't it beta?

              because my mother told me nothing in life is easy you have to earn it

              and it STINKS but oh well, gotta keep trying meeeeehhhhh :zzz:
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                i knew that before my mum told me

                lol
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                  Being single is kind of better
                  "Why Do We Fill Our Hearts With Everything But Allah And Expect Not To Fall Apart"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                    ITT: 0 married sisters.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                      Good question. I'm in this situation, and although I don't think I will make a rash decision, I always feel that when I get married it will be my chance to start afresh, leave my family's emotional baggage behind and build the kind of family I always wanted to have. But a part of me also think that these are naive hopes, that my problems will just increase ten-fold, and I'll be worse off.

                      Hope some married sisters have positive stories to share.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        :wswrwb:

                        Hello :1popcorn:

                        I just told some other guy something similar

                        it's no better other than having another man with you all the time tbh, just like family, no biggie, just another day but an addition to the number of family members you have. More people to love and look after

                        more rewards I guess

                        aha aha :1popcorn: yup yup

                        it could mean more work, it depends on the man

                        I'd say don't think that married life will solve your problems because it won't, you will have to get a grip on yourself before marriage to make things a bit more smooth after marriage

                        you'll be a more responsible lady because you'll have to please another man, if you find a friend in him then things will be easier but NOT easier than single life unless you had these other types of issues I shall not mention

                        Okey dokey dokes.

                        good luck folks
                        Marriage is not a solution to all problems, but it is a solution to Many problems, including the Fitna of women for example.

                        There is no such thing as luck, everything happens by the will/permission of Allah عز و جل

                        :jkk:
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                          Married life is definitely better than single life...a lot, lot better.

                          Now, I wasn't miserable or unhappy in my parents' home...in fact, quite the opposite...but after a certain age, it feels weird to be still living with your parents. There comes a time when your own parents - the ones who nurtured you, took care of you all your life, cherished you , loved you more than they love their own selves & gave in to all your demands want you to settle down - and move into your own home. That's been the law of nature and will always be. A woman belongs in her husband's home & she will only find true happiness & honour there.

                          Anyways, I was engaged a bit late (23) than girls in my community usually are ( I will never forget the endless nights I'd spent praying for a pious, loving husband and Alhamdulillah, Allah is As-Samee Al Aleem. He gives you much more than you ask -- you just need patience & a lot of faith ). I got married around 2.5 years later...I had no contact with my then fiancee in the duration - no phone calls, email , texts etc. I wasn't keen in starting off with haraam...nor had he ever tried contacting me...so, we got to know each other only after marriage , which I feel is a positive thing as we hadn't sold any dreams to one another.

                          After marriage, I moved in with my in-laws and at the beginning , I would feel really homesick .. I wondered how I would adjust...whether I'd ever fully feel at home there...I was always eager to visit my parents & siblings....but now, Alhamdulillah, I've gotten so used to living with my husband that even when I visit my parents' home...I feel good only for a few days, I then begin counting days when I can go back home to my husband - to our own home.

                          Our marriage has had it's fair share of trials...we moved to 3 places after marriage...there have been some really testing times...unemployment...false accusations... threats of being sued ...being betrayed by our own relatives etc...but by the grace of Allah, we were able to overcome them all "together"... You never know what true love is until you live with your spouse, struggle with them, share tears of both joy & grief with them...

                          We don't have any children yet...we've also been battling with infertility...Allah is al-Ghafoor Ar-Raheem

                          One wonderful aspect about marriage is...you share everything...so, your grief is halved and your joy is doubled. You don't have to bottle anything inside yourself any longer. You can be free...If you're feeling down, you can count on your spouse to lift you up...If you slack in some areas, your spouse will give you a push & motivate you...you can seek knowledge together...rise in imaan together... Marriage is a source of bliss & happiness & contentment.

                          I pray Allah blesses all single sisters of our ummah with pious loving husbands who will treat them like queens and may they all have amazing married lives.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                            Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                            Married life is definitely better than single life...a lot, lot better.

                            Now, I wasn't miserable or unhappy in my parents' home...in fact, quite the opposite...but after a certain age, it feels weird to be still living with your parents. There comes a time when your own parents - the ones who nurtured you, took care of you all your life, cherished you , loved you more than they love their own selves & gave in to all your demands want you to settle down - and move into your own home. That's been the law of nature and will always be. A woman belongs in her husband's home & she will only find true happiness & honour there.

                            Anyways, I was engaged a bit late (23) than girls in my community usually are ( I will never forget the endless nights I'd spent praying for a pious, loving husband and Alhamdulillah, Allah is As-Samee Al Aleem. He gives you much more than you ask -- you just need patience & a lot of faith ). I got married around 2.5 years later...I had no contact with my then fiancee in the duration - no phone calls, email , texts etc. I wasn't keen in starting off with haraam...nor had he ever tried contacting me...so, we got to know each other only after marriage , which I feel is a positive thing as we hadn't sold any dreams to one another.

                            After marriage, I moved in with my in-laws and at the beginning , I would feel really homesick .. I wondered how I would adjust...whether I'd ever fully feel at home there...I was always eager to visit my parents & siblings....but now, Alhamdulillah, I've gotten so used to living with my husband that even when I visit my parents' home...I feel good only for a few days, I then begin counting days when I can go back home to my husband - to our own home.

                            Our marriage has had it's fair share of trials...we moved to 3 places after marriage...there have been some really testing times...unemployment...false accusations... threats of being sued ...being betrayed by our own relatives etc...but by the grace of Allah, we were able to overcome them all "together"... You never know what true love is until you live with your spouse, struggle with them, share tears of both joy & grief with them...

                            We don't have any children yet...we've also been battling with infertility...Allah is al-Ghafoor Ar-Raheem

                            One wonderful aspect about marriage is...you share everything...so, your grief is halved and your joy is doubled. You don't have to bottle anything inside yourself any longer. You can be free...If you're feeling down, you can count on your spouse to lift you up...If you slack in some areas, your spouse will give you a push & motivate you...you can seek knowledge together...rise in imaan together... Marriage is a source of bliss & happiness & contentment.

                            I pray Allah blesses all single sisters of our ummah with pious loving husbands who will treat them like queens and may they all have amazing married lives.
                            Thank you so much for sharing that beautiful story sis, it gave me (and I'm sure many other sisters) a lot of hope; may Allah SWT bless your marriage. But see sis, you got married on your own time where you assessed the prospective and you weren't in a bad place at home. I think sisters should be more patient at home before quickly jumping to marriage as an "ultimate solution" (unless of course, her home problems are threatening).

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Mainly Sisters: How much better is married life?

                              Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                              :salams:

                              I've always had this curiosity. Many sisters who have trouble with their parents/single home life that they go out and get married thinking it will be ten times better. I personally know of a sister who got married because there were family problems (I do not know the extent of her problems) and since it's so early (married earlier last year (2016)), it's hard to tell if she's made the right decision but the husband already has lied about 2 major things (his employment and his living conditions).

                              Do you think patience is key with marriage? Or is life actually better when you kind of "run your own house" (by you, I mean the husband and yourself)? Or does the misery just follow/increase?

                              Although this is geared more towards sisters, brothers' inputs are also welcome.
                              It's all fun and games. Never a dull moment.

                              Comment

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