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Are religious men controlling?

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  • Are religious men controlling?

    Are extremely practising men more likely to have the problem of being controlling?

    Sometimes it feels like this is the case, it's like some of them misunderstand their role and go overboard just because they can.
    The type who will throw at you all those narrations about the husband's rights anytime an issue arises. They become so focused on the texts they forget about all the other issues of the heart.

    Sisters is this something that makes you think twice about those men who appear outwardly very religious? it's sad that these are the ones we hear the most negative stories about.

    Other people who are maybe not as knowledgeable and religious, seem more easy-going.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  • #2
    Re: Are religious men controlling?

    No, not all religious men are controlling.

    Part of the religion is kindness towards your family so these controlling 'religious' men actually have something missing from the religion.

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    • #3
      Re: Are religious men controlling?

      Yep, and religious women are cold and boring.

      /s

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      • #4
        Re: Are religious men controlling?

        I know a sister who used to avoid the outwardly religious looking guys for this reason. Some sisters fear that if they marry a religious brother (those that frequent the masajid often), he might use the deen to control her. I've also noticed some male members on the forum expressing the same type of mistrust against hijabi sisters. My take on it is to have حسن الظن بالناس, but also do your research ;)

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        • #5
          Re: Are religious men controlling?

          I see the point you are trying to make but if a person was so religious, they would (ideally) recognize the rights of everyone. But it is an issue that people only cherry pick what suits them best in terms of the deen. It's hard to weed out those kinds.
          Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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          • #6
            Re: Are religious men controlling?

            The problem is how we define religiousity, someone who is throwing texts left and right, doesn't take the time to understand the wisdom behind rulings, is harsh and focused on the rights they should receive vs. fulfilling the rights of others is probably not very religious. Unfortunately, these characteristics exist amongst both men and women, just take a look around this forum.

            There are terrible men across the spectrum from secular to cultural to religious and everything in between, but the depiction of the religious, scary, abusive man is what is often put across in the media and people's stories because it fits the narrative.

            It's kind of like how in western media when a non-Muslim man kills his wife its murder, but when a Muslim man does it (even if he is secular to the core and no longer identifies as a muslim) it is viewed as an "honour killing"...stereotypes sell.
            Last edited by SheSaid; 23-12-16, 06:23 PM.
            17-07

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            • #7
              Re: Are religious men controlling?

              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
              Are extremely practising men more likely to have the problem of being controlling?

              Sometimes it feels like this is the case, it's like some of them misunderstand their role and go overboard just because they can.
              The type who will throw at you all those narrations about the husband's rights anytime an issue arises. They become so focused on the texts they forget about all the other issues of the heart.

              Sisters is this something that makes you think twice about those men who appear outwardly very religious? it's sad that these are the ones we hear the most negative stories about.

              Other people who are maybe not as knowledgeable and religious, seem more easy-going.
              Hilarious.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Are religious men controlling?

                Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                Are extremely practising men more likely to have the problem of being controlling?

                Sometimes it feels like this is the case, it's like some of them misunderstand their role and go overboard just because they can.
                The type who will throw at you all those narrations about the husband's rights anytime an issue arises. They become so focused on the texts they forget about all the other issues of the heart.

                Sisters is this something that makes you think twice about those men who appear outwardly very religious? it's sad that these are the ones we hear the most negative stories about.

                Other people who are maybe not as knowledgeable and religious, seem more easy-going.


                How do they misunderstand their role. Their role is to keep you in check and make it too jannah. If you work somewhere and your supervisor is always giving rules to you or giving you advice. Does that make him a bad supervisor?

                Lets say Islam was a company and Allah swt the owner. Rasullilah sws the CEO(off all time). You are working hard in your cubicle, some other colleagues visit your workplace and comment on the strictness of your supervisor. Yet they are taking to much leave, Not clocking in on time. Feeling like they are doing a good job representing the company values. By the time you retire you find yourself having a much better pension plan. Even the people that disliked the company(Islam) wish on that day they had worked hard for this company. Make dua that Allah swt marries you to someone who really cares about your after life. You were not allowed to choose how you look, who your parents where, how much money was available for you growing up. But Islam gives you the chance to have it all. Don't compromise marrying someone who will make you laugh now but cry later.

                Life is a test nobody is better off then the one who feared Allah the most. If it he is boring or even strict so be it.
                Last edited by dragon!; 23-12-16, 06:42 PM.

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                • #9
                  Re: Are religious men controlling?

                  Other people who are maybe not as knowledgeable and religious, seem more easy-going.
                  If a man is 'religious' as is described here; then he is hardly going to be sitting around joking with a female. Instead he'll be serious in his interactions and to-the-point. A lot of 'religious' men are chilled and know how to have a laugh, but they're are not going to be doing with non-mahram women. So these women falsely just end up thinking 'religious' men are not easy-going, whereas the 'non-religious' man who doesn't have a problem chit-chatting and joking is the more friendly and chilled out one.

                  It's like a guy saying, "All the 'religious' girls are really cold and serious. Everytime I come in contact with one at uni or work, they are always to the point and never joke around. You think all religious girls are this unfriendly?".

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Are religious men controlling?

                    [MENTION=130730]Rumaysah~[/MENTION]

                    I dont think you are on their level of deen. Why would they have to mention hadith if you are fully aware of them and implement them? The biggest strength of these men in comparison to others is they're constant remembering of allah(taqwa). If that bothers you in anyway marry whom you want. There are sisters out there who would only marry brothers who look like practicing muslims and act like one. too each their own.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Are religious men controlling?

                      Yes and positively so.
                      You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                      You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Are religious men controlling?

                        I can bet some of us actually are using religion to be controlling...

                        I think self-righteousness can be a problem though. Some peeps like to think they're God's gift to man-kind, ..and I've never met a girl who found that trait in a religious man, admirable. Controlling is a turn off.

                        Its about the way you assert the facts, but you do it with purest intentions. And your way of carrying yourself.

                        We're blessed to have the internet. We should use that to learn the basics of good etiquette even with our loved ones.
                        Last edited by nudgetheputri; 23-12-16, 07:40 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Are religious men controlling?

                          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                          Are extremely practising men more likely to have the problem of being controlling?

                          Sometimes it feels like this is the case, it's like some of them misunderstand their role and go overboard just because they can.
                          The type who will throw at you all those narrations about the husband's rights anytime an issue arises. They become so focused on the texts they forget about all the other issues of the heart.

                          Sisters is this something that makes you think twice about those men who appear outwardly very religious? it's sad that these are the ones we hear the most negative stories about.

                          Other people who are maybe not as knowledgeable and religious, seem more easy-going.
                          What about the rights of the woman in a Muslim marriage? They exist too. Why is being kind and merciful not seen as a bigger matter?
                          وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                          And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                          أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                          Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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                          • #14
                            Re: Are religious men controlling?

                            And thats when EQ comes in handy.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Are religious men controlling?

                              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                              What about the rights of the woman in a Muslim marriage? They exist too. Why is being kind and merciful not seen as a bigger matter?
                              Yeah exactly. I think people controlling you is not gonna make a woman happy though.

                              Love and abuse do not coexist together. Kindness and manners matter a lot.

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