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How to identify the time waster?

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  • How to identify the time waster?

    As per the title, please. Any suggestions? This is in the context of people going through the marriage process. How would they identify these kinda people during the question/answer part.
    ~‘And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.’~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

  • #2
    Re: How to identify the time waster?

    Ask him....
    • What his time frames are with marriage
    • How he feels about meeting in person
    • His thoughts on when to get family / parents involved
    • Are his family keen on moving him along
    • How old were his siblings if they got married

    But really, you just need to place an overall judgement on his character / situation based on the conversations you've had with him. If his overall attitude is mature and sensible, then it's a good sign. A time-waster wouldn't take the above that seriously.

    At the same time, if I'm being honest, each person is different and there aren't set signs determines someone as a time-waster. Also, what defines a time-waster? He/she may genuinely need a certain amount of time before deciding on such a life-changing decision, whereas you may prefer to move things quicker, and by your standards he/she is 'wasting' your time.

    It's difficult to say.
    Last edited by Khal Drogo; 09-12-16, 07:56 PM.

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    • #3
      Re: How to identify the time waster?

      There are no time wasters. You just have to figure out how to learn from the experience and move on. It is an insult to suggest they were time wasters. always try to improve yourself. imagine someone telling you some tips to identify and you do say will you tell him to leave because he is wasting your time during the meeting ?
      Last edited by dragon!; 09-12-16, 07:56 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How to identify the time waster?

        Originally posted by Khal Drogo View Post
        Ask him....
        • What his time frames are with marriage
        • How he feels about meeting in person
        • His thoughts on when to get family / parents involved
        • Are his family keen on moving him along
        • How old were his siblings if they got married

        But really, you just need to place an overall judgement on his character / situation based on the conversations you've had with him. If his overall attitude is mature and sensible, then it's a good sign. A time-waster wouldn't take the above that seriously.

        At the same time, if I'm being honest, each person is different and there aren't set signs determines someone as a time-waster. Also, what defines a time-waster? He/she may genuinely need a certain amount of time before deciding on such a life-changing decision, whereas you may prefer to move things quicker, and by your standards he/she is 'wasting' your time.

        It's difficult to say.
        Wow good questions. I never thought of them. Thanks.

        Originally posted by dragon! View Post
        There are no time wasters. You just have to figure out how to learn from the experience and move on. It is an insult to suggest they were time wasters. always try to improve yourself. imagine someone telling you some tips to identify and you do say will you tell him to leave because he is wasting your time during the meeting ?
        Yeah, learn from the experience by investing zero emotions, mind and energy towards the next person that comes along- just in case, you know, he just disappears out from the blue. Man, I'm so tired of this process and it's only been a month. If this is what I have to deal with myself, it will only be more havoc if my parents start accepting proposals.

        I think I'll stick to building a career for now. It's much more manageable, emotionally and energy wise. :1popcorn:

        I should've mentioned: this thread was directed at sisters btw. But thanks for your input.
        ~‘And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.’~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How to identify the time waster?

          :salams:

          Having a mahram helps because it shows the man is committed and less willing to take you for a ride by communicating with your wali. Usually, they talk to more than one girl simply because they can compare.com. You're not the only girl looking for a spouse and so why should he just stick to you when there are even more 'hot' girls from the top in one database.

          It's like being on some 'getdegraded-today!website.com

          I agree with the Khal Drogo, always mention involving family. He has given you all the points you need to take into consideration. Some wimp out when they can sense you're too serious. I mean there is no fun in getting committed so soon, right?

          Tough to find a genuine human being for marriage material. Don't trust any of them and don't give them all the right answers and what they want to hear like some sisters do, it's very desperate and it already makes you look vulnerable.

          The ones that often put emphasis on getting to know you are from my personal experience are a waste of time, they are never satisfied. They are almost deluded thinking they will find some women from some dirty fairy tale.

          It's all twisted, be weary and I wish you all the very best.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How to identify the time waster?

            Originally posted by Muslimah1436 View Post
            Wow good questions. I never thought of them. Thanks.



            Yeah, learn from the experience by investing zero emotions, mind and energy towards the next person that comes along- just in case, you know, he just disappears out from the blue. Man, I'm so tired of this process and it's only been a month. If this is what I have to deal with myself, it will only be more havoc if my parents start accepting proposals.

            I think I'll stick to building a career for now. It's much more manageable, emotionally and energy wise. :1popcorn:

            I should've mentioned: this thread was directed at sisters btw. But thanks for your input.
            Your welcome.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How to identify the time waster?

              It depends entirely on where your potential suitor is making contact from. Through friends and family will generally be a more serious affair and if he's being forced to or just rushed along, it will usually come across in his body language and interest and if a woman is acting disinterested and body language follows, also take note brothers. It's a non-verbal nod that the girls just not interested. Cut the meeting short and don't waste any more of your time. Tell your dad or mum to ring later and say you don't feel it's a match.

              On the internet, people play more "Fast and loose" which is a disgusting notion when as Muslims each proposal should be considered with proper due consideration and attention whilst on the internet people just sometimes outright lie and misrepresent themselves with little to no opportunities of due diligence being able to be done.

              I'd also advise anybody searching to maybe make use of friends and family first, Mosque marriage bureaus and last and very, very least online sites. Avoid ones that let women join for free and make men like the plague. First sign they're trying to use Kuffar dating site models for subscription and mainly just interested in making money. Not keeping things halal.
              I write novels for posts. Beware. :mujahida:

              Ummah Forum seems pretty black and white. Was thinking of offering Skittles as Dawah to introduce a rainbow.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How to identify the time waster?

                Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                :salams:

                Having a mahram helps because it shows the man is committed and less willing to take you for a ride by communicating with your wali. Usually, they talk to more than one girl simply because they can compare.com. You're not the only girl looking for a spouse and so why should he just stick to you when there are even more 'hot' girls from the top in one database.

                It's like being on some 'getdegraded-today!website.com

                I agree with the Khal Drogo, always mention involving family. He has given you all the points you need to take into consideration. Some wimp out when they can sense you're too serious. I mean there is no fun in getting committed so soon, right?

                Tough to find a genuine human being for marriage material. Don't trust any of them and don't give them all the right answers and what they want to hear like some sisters do, it's very desperate and it already makes you look vulnerable.

                The ones that often put emphasis on getting to know you are from my personal experience are a waste of time, they are never satisfied. They are almost deluded thinking they will find some women from some dirty fairy tale.

                It's all twisted, be weary and I wish you all the very best.
                Wa 'alaykum as salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh

                woooooah..... Yeah, sure sounds twisted sis. On the one hand you sound super negative and then you wish me all the best? :rotfl:

                Originally posted by Constant Hope View Post
                It depends entirely on where your potential suitor is making contact from. Through friends and family will generally be a more serious affair and if he's being forced to or just rushed along, it will usually come across in his body language and interest and if a woman is acting disinterested and body language follows, also take note brothers. It's a non-verbal nod that the girls just not interested. Cut the meeting short and don't waste any more of your time. Tell your dad or mum to ring later and say you don't feel it's a match.

                On the internet, people play more "Fast and loose" which is a disgusting notion when as Muslims each proposal should be considered with proper due consideration and attention whilst on the internet people just sometimes outright lie and misrepresent themselves with little to no opportunities of due diligence being able to be done.

                I'd also advise anybody searching to maybe make use of friends and family first, Mosque marriage bureaus and last and very, very least online sites. Avoid ones that let women join for free and make men like the plague. First sign they're trying to use Kuffar dating site models for subscription and mainly just interested in making money. Not keeping things halal.
                I don't know; I can't be bothered right now. Gonna put this marriage thing aside for a while :insha: But thanks for the suggestions... will take them on board.
                ~‘And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.’~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How to identify the time waster?

                  ^ lol

                  you know what I mean, everyone has a different experience so may Allah make it a success for you ameen :-)
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How to identify the time waster?

                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                    ^ lol

                    you know what I mean, everyone has a different experience so may Allah make it a success for you ameen :-)
                    And you sis ameeeen
                    ~‘And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.’~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How to identify the time waster?

                      From first meeting, it's hard to know, as you don't know who he is. Is he match for you.
                      Later on line you can find out, that he lacks of commitment.
                      - words and action don't match. He is a window shopper.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How to identify the time waster?

                        Originally posted by Muslimah1436 View Post
                        As per the title, please. Any suggestions? This is in the context of people going through the marriage process. How would they identify these kinda people during the question/answer part.
                        Indecisive, people who keep going back and forth,

                        Keep you in limbo for a long time,

                        Ask irrelevant questions and and make ridiculous demands,

                        Plus what ukthi Uccello Verde said above...

                        Can't think of much else,

                        :jkk:
                        Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 11-12-16, 01:53 AM.
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How to identify the time waster?

                          Originally posted by Muslimah1436 View Post
                          As per the title, please. Any suggestions? This is in the context of people going through the marriage process. How would they identify these kinda people during the question/answer part.
                          Try and talk about families involvement .

                          Comment

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