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Problem meeting a potential spouse

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  • Problem meeting a potential spouse

    Asalam alaekum brothers and sisters, I have a big problem which has been worrying me for over a year now. So, I like a brother and would love to be married to him because he seems to be a good Muslim, doesn't free-mix and so on. In my culture, parents don't really get involved in the spouse selection process unless they just know someone they can recommend, I mean both males and females are mostly expected to find who they like to marry themselves before involving family. I am so shy and embarrassed that I do not think I could tell my father to approach his family or something, he most likely wouldn't even do that because it is considered bad or desperate or "somehow". I have been on this for over a year but I couldn't tell anyone except a friend and he is still unmarried. I do not want to talk to him on the internet or call him because I don't want him to see me as "flirting" or something. And presently, I had to travel for further studies in another place, so we are quite far apart now. Please, I need advice! What do I do? Should I just forget about him?

  • #2
    Re: Problem meeting a potential spouse

    Have you got an older brother or even a friend's brother who could approach him for you? Then ask him to contact your wali....sad times we live in when a girl has to go out and find her own because her parents do not want the responsibility or know Islam well.......

    How long are you going to shy away for? He can either say yes or no......if no then it wasn't meant to be......get someone's brother to ask him on your behalf........be careful not to fall in haram....
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #3
      Re: Problem meeting a potential spouse

      Originally posted by One girl View Post
      Asalam alaekum brothers and sisters, I have a big problem which has been worrying me for over a year now. So, I like a brother and would love to be married to him because he seems to be a good Muslim, doesn't free-mix and so on. In my culture, parents don't really get involved in the spouse selection process unless they just know someone they can recommend, I mean both males and females are mostly expected to find who they like to marry themselves before involving family. I am so shy and embarrassed that I do not think I could tell my father to approach his family or something, he most likely wouldn't even do that because it is considered bad or desperate or "somehow". I have been on this for over a year but I couldn't tell anyone except a friend and he is still unmarried. I do not want to talk to him on the internet or call him because I don't want him to see me as "flirting" or something. And presently, I had to travel for further studies in another place, so we are quite far apart now. Please, I need advice! What do I do? Should I just forget about him?
      Wa Alaykum Assalaam.

      Tell your mom. And then tell her the story of Musa as and the women watering their flock.

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      • #4
        Re: Problem meeting a potential spouse

        Jazak Allah brothers, I will try my best and see how it goes. May Allah ease our affairs

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        • #5
          Re: Problem meeting a potential spouse

          Originally posted by One girl View Post
          Jazak Allah brothers, I will try my best and see how it goes. May Allah ease our affairs
          First of all be sure about him. If you involve your parents then it will be difficult for you to later retract. Once you are sure then go ahead. Because it would be equally bad for the guy that you get him involved and then you can't take permission of your wali for him and the whole things is stopped.r

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