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If a potential tells you that....

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  • young@heart
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
    I thought "maybe it's because if his brother just got married it means that financially it would be hard for him and his family to support a new wedding soon".

    maybe :wacko:
    oh yeah or maybe that

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Bit odd, the custom is odd enough but the fact he'd actually follow it shows he puts that before islamic norms and should start your wali asking extra questions relating to culture and how seriously he and his family takes it.
    Thank you Gingerbeardman for your advice! Unfortunately, my father has some health problems and he can't always be good enough to manage also these situations (like the search of a partner for me)... it depends on the periods. So I am doing my search and research alone. I know it's wrong. I usually go straight to the point and I don't waste time. I have my list of questions and requirements. I know what I am looking for. And when I think a potential might be good for me, I ask him to come to meet me and my family. I know it's not perfectly the islamic way but my circumstances are different as well.

    I am really interested in this guy but when I heard of that "custom", I lost trust. Probably he is just a time waster and that one is just an excuse. I don't know. He said that for him it's not important but for his family is, so he wants to respect that. But a year is a long time and I don't want to wait that long.... I think I won't go far with him...

    Leave a comment:


  • Ibragim
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    In parts of Qawqaz, if someone significant dies in the family, there are no marriages for 1 year after that, as its a mourning period and no celebrations should happen...

    Leave a comment:


  • Gingerbeardman
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
    If a potential tells you that you should wait a year before marriage/nikkah/engagement/whatever formality that means marriage, because his brother just got married and in his culture it's considered odd if two brothers get married in the same period.... is it normal?

    I am :scratch:
    Bit odd, the custom is odd enough but the fact he'd actually follow it shows he puts that before islamic norms and should start your wali asking extra questions relating to culture and how seriously he and his family takes it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bismil
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
    If a potential tells you that you should wait a year before marriage/nikkah/engagement/whatever formality that means marriage, because his brother just got married and in his culture it's considered odd if two brothers get married in the same period.... is it normal?

    I am :scratch:
    Its stupidity . Marriage should be done as earliest as possible.

    We are supposed to follow prophet , not culture.

    Leave a comment:


  • Manager
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Sounds legit. NO, 3 months is ok tho

    Leave a comment:


  • Deeni Akh
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    If it was a few weeks ir even a month a two, that would've been understandable but a year?

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Originally posted by [email protected] View Post
    maybe he means that he just doesn't want to marry so soon after his brother because he wants to have his own limelight and probably not be accused of rushing into marriage out of jealousy after his bro married
    I thought "maybe it's because if his brother just got married it means that financially it would be hard for him and his family to support a new wedding soon".

    maybe :wacko:

    Leave a comment:


  • young@heart
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    never heard of this in a culture but maybe he means that he just doesn't want to marry so soon after his brother because he wants to have his own limelight and probably not be accused of rushing into marriage out of jealousy after his bro married

    Leave a comment:


  • Winter
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    :salams

    What culture is that?

    In desi culture sometimes someone can't get married if their older sibling isn't married yet.

    I remember when brothers getting rejected because of this.

    Leave a comment:


  • Umm Uthmaan
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    That's weird

    Leave a comment:


  • LA3
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    AsSalaamu Alaikum.

    This is your opportunity to ask yourself a very important question.

    As this man is controlled by his traditions and gives his culture power over him, how much of his traditions are you willing to live the rest of your life by. Not just yourself, you have to make a just decision for any future children.

    What is the mentality of this man. Does he seem the type who would say, 'how can you do that, what will the neighbours think'.

    If he' s just doing it so that he can keep his family happy for now but doesn't agree with it at all, please reserve the limits of Halaal. The barakah of Allah is in the Halaal and His destruction is in the Haraam.

    Leave a comment:


  • uccello verde
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    Bismillah
    Subhana'allah, never heard that before. Normally, guys are very eager and frustrated to get things done and dusted.
    I'm not sure if I would wait some one year. And especially due to some traditions.
    Sea is full of fish.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by Inquisitive10 View Post
    run a 1000 miles. The whole thing is bogus, no male/female will hold on to any flimsy traditions above the opposite gender they like/lust/love, even monks, priests and imam's can't control their piety in the face of this onslaught, and you want to tell me some new age miscreant domesticated male with juvenile physiognomy is holding onto some folklore custom above his desires?

    Looks like a typical womanish type of rejection at play here from from an effeminate male, the epitome of our debased status and an powerful avatar of our generational decline
    Lol.

    This post is full of crap.

    Leave a comment:


  • Inquisitive10
    replied
    Re: If a potential tells you that....

    run a 1000 miles. The whole thing is bogus, no male/female will hold on to any flimsy traditions above the opposite gender they like/lust/love, even monks, priests and imam's can't control their piety in the face of this onslaught, and you want to tell me some new age miscreant domesticated male with juvenile physiognomy is holding onto some folklore custom above his desires?

    Looks like a typical womanish type of rejection at play here from from an effeminate male, the epitome of our debased status and an powerful avatar of our generational decline

    Leave a comment:

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