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Saying No to wife!

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  • Saying No to wife!

    as salamu alaykum. Ill keep it short.

    Well i am 24 years old. Studying still. I got married last year alhamdullah. My brother got a succesful business which i assist him in. But everytime i have some money but my wife (who does not even live with me yet) is asking how much I earned this time and if we go shopping THis weekend. I am not greedy but with every month that goes by i feel i dont have enough money to invest in my own business ideas. There are so many things i think about doing with money then buying her clothes and stuff we dont need. Its frustrating since she compares life with my brother. He is 5 years older then me. How can i make clear that she is holding me back and i need her to back off so i can use money wisely.

    thank you all.

  • #2
    Re: Saying No to wife!

    :wswrwb:

    You use all your money on her? Or a small amount?

    Tell her kindly about your ideas for business, and that you're going to have to save a certain amount of money to pursue them. So you're not going to be able to get her as many things as often. But that if everything works out well you'll be making more money (yes?).
    Narrated Anas:
    The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." [Bukhari]

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    • #3
      Re: Saying No to wife!

      Just tell her what you said here.. what's wrong? You are embarrassed?
      It's time to man up, you are a married man.

      Right ?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Saying No to wife!

        Originally posted by ms.muslimah View Post
        :wswrwb:

        You use all your money on her? Or a small amount?

        Tell her kindly about your ideas for business, and that you're going to have to save a certain amount of money to pursue them. So you're not going to be able to get her as many things as often. But that if everything works out well you'll be making more money (yes?).
        wa alaykuma salam.

        I use like 25% food clothes for myself her when i take her somewhere. Still she comes up with ideas to spend more on her or last week it was my room which she was decorating. I told her of this one idea its a startup at university. There are regular meetings i have been attending i am saving up to join some friends in business. Its awkward for me to speak about that which has not happened yet it looks pretentious. i dont like. So i stay quiet and save up. But I dont wanna ask my bro for much money. But my qeustion was how can i make her more content with less so i can save more:(
        So doesnt listen well.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Saying No to wife!

          Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
          Just tell her what you said here.. what's wrong? You are embarrassed?
          It's time to man up, you are a married man.

          Right ?
          What do you mean with man up? Scream in her face. bully her. Marriage is teamwork gone are the days where i was frustrated i am happy now dont wanna screw things up. Its better if a sister answers this question for me. You might wanna skip answering this qeustion.

          Are you married yourself?

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          • #6
            Re: Saying No to wife!

            Well, honesty is the way to go tbh. You guys aren't living together yet so let her know that you need to save up for your guys' future etc. what kind of stuff does she usually get? Important stuff or not?

            Let her know what your plan is, futile or not. This is where teamwork comes in. You guys are a team and ideally, she should be supportive. At least you have some sense of direction and aren't squandering away on junk.
            Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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            • #7
              Wa alaykum Salam

              Man up.
              You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

              You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Saying No to wife!

                Originally posted by Manager View Post
                What do you mean with man up? Scream in her face. bully her. Marriage is teamwork gone are the days where i was frustrated i am happy now dont wanna screw things up. Its better if a sister answers this question for me. You might wanna skip answering this qeustion.

                Are you married yourself?
                As you wish . No I am not married so maybe I'm just being naive.

                I guess you should discuss your business objectives prior to getting married. But I dnt understand why you can't take her to the side and just be real. What's the issue lol .
                Bah

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                • #9
                  Re: Saying No to wife!

                  Originally posted by Manager View Post
                  wa alaykuma salam.

                  I use like 25% food clothes for myself her when i take her somewhere. Still she comes up with ideas to spend more on her or last week it was my room which she was decorating. I told her of this one idea its a startup at university. There are regular meetings i have been attending i am saving up to join some friends in business. Its awkward for me to speak about that which has not happened yet it looks pretentious. i dont like. So i stay quiet and save up. But I dont wanna ask my bro for much money. But my qeustion was how can i make her more content with less so i can save more:(
                  So doesnt listen well.
                  You're going to have to be upfront with her. That doesn't mean that you're unkind, just that you're honest. I think you'll still have to spend money on her, but you want to lessen the amount. You don't need your room decorated, that money could go into your savings. Tell her that.

                  I don't know of any other way other than you telling her directly that you want to save more money.
                  Narrated Anas:
                  The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." [Bukhari]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Saying No to wife!

                    :wswrwb:

                    She probably thinks that you can afford all of these as you been spending (as per her demands / requests) every month.
                    Sit her down and explain it to her, she would (hopefully) understand once you do... If she keeps spending in this way you wont be able to save up (quick enough) to invest in a business....


                    I'd appreciate if my hubby would sit me down and explain things like this if need be. I live by: (consistency) and communication is really everything.
                    Mu'min is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Saying No to wife!

                      Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                      Well, honesty is the way to go tbh. You guys aren't living together yet so let her know that you need to save up for your guys' future etc. what kind of stuff does she usually get? Important stuff or not?

                      Let her know what your plan is, futile or not. This is where teamwork comes in. You guys are a team and ideally, she should be supportive. At least you have some sense of direction and aren't squandering away on junk.
                      Thank you for reply. She got curtains many diffrent once she asked for a relax chair for her bedroom i dont know the correct name for it. I have a new tvstand. Its like she feels she has to spend this percentage. I sat her down once and she seems like she wants too annoy me idk.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Saying No to wife!

                        Originally posted by ms.muslimah View Post
                        You're going to have to be upfront with her. That doesn't mean that you're unkind, just that you're honest. I think you'll still have to spend money on her, but you want to lessen the amount. You don't need your room decorated, that money could go into your savings. Tell her that.

                        I don't know of any other way other than you telling her directly that you want to save more money.
                        I think this is her way of spending some time with me. It wont kill me to visit her more often. I will try to spend more time with her. I Will try this. That way i will lessen the amount like you said. great one. i told her that now i know what is missing.

                        Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
                        :wswrwb:

                        She probably thinks that you can afford all of these as you been spending (as per her demands / requests) every month.
                        Sit her down and explain it to her, she would (hopefully) understand once you do... If she keeps spending in this way you wont be able to save up (quick enough) to invest in a business....


                        I'd appreciate if my hubby would sit me down and explain things like this if need be. I live by: (consistency) and communication is really everything.
                        Yh i think she is looking to see where she could contribute to my life more. I need to spend more qualitytime. I dont communicate that well, I will see what will happen. thnx

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Saying No to wife!

                          Bismillah,
                          You need to make a budget. And have allocated allowance for her. If she spends everything one go, it's up to her, and you don't give more until next month, maybe she'll learn value of money.

                          There is much more to marriage than going to shopping together. Find hobby for both of you. Go to hiking or park together. Or study Quran together.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Saying No to wife!

                            great advice. Like i said. I will try to make more time for her and we will spend more time togheter. 25% is what i put a side at first for everything. But we will manage. MY hobby is playing videogames she doesnt like. BUt I have found my solution now.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Saying No to wife!

                              End thread.

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