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Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

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  • Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

    :salams

    I wonder why everyone, including Muslims, place so much emphasis on education when our current model is broken and needs an overhaul.

    For example, when it comes to marriage discussions here many users mention that they want an educated wife and husband, which is good. They also want someone similar to them, so going to university is a plus. But if a sister is too educated, then she's a turn off. And a brother with an education won't land a dream job right away, or ever really, so he'll have to struggle in the beginning and may not have the comfortable life as the baby boomers did because of the economy...sadly, not many sisters would be willing to marry someone like that.

    At this point, sisters will blame the brother's financial capabilities in sustaining a household and brothers will blame the sister's pickiness in not accepting a good brother who is struggling.

    But isn't it the education model that's more problematic? I mean, universities are four years and during that time you are learning things that may not even be related to your field of study. There are a lot of useless courses and subjects you need to take and money that you need to spend, only to find out later that there was no real point in them.

    Plus, high school in itself is a problem because teachers teach students. I mean, they do, but we learn in a "cram in information and spit it out for tests, then quickly forget about it." The math I learned in calculus is now gone from my head, same with a lot of things that I didn't really care for. We don't teach students about the real world, we don't really teach them at all....it's depressing. Once you graduate, you're not even a proper adult because you don't know anything about the world. You may be 16-18, but most don't know how to support a family, how to live, and how to manage money at that age.

    We're taught that if you do what you're told then there are endless options for you and because you are special, you deserve the best and only the best. Failure is not your fault. What is failure anyways...some schools are not even letting kids fail when they deserve too.

    And this ties into the marriage issue. Brothers and Sisters go through school and then don't realize that the world won't hand everything to them. Brothers won't get wives just because you want them and sisters won't get husbands who are not struggling because that's not realistic anywhere.

    Both blame the other, but the funny thing is that both want someone who is educated in universities which is the problem. Our education system is really broken.

    Now, this isn't true for everyone, mind you, but from what I read in the other thread this is what I've reflected on. Not all education is bad and not every brother or sister feels this way. I'm all about education, but I also feel like the model that we're currently in or have gone through is a huge issue. All it does is raise kids who are not ready for life while they deal with a huge debt.

    Thoughts?
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

  • #2
    Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

    :wswrwb:

    Education = status.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

      Wa alaikumsalam wrwb,

      well said!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

        I don't think the education system is broken. If a person is not "ready for the real world" then it's the parent's fault. The education system should educate people, not raise children.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

          Originally posted by quark View Post
          I don't think the education system is broken. If a person is not "ready for the real world" then it's the parent's fault. The education system should educate people, not raise children.
          We spend more time in school then we do with our parents.

          I do agree that parents need to raise their kids, but the education system is incredibly broken.
          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
          Surah al-Baqarah
          [2:245]

          .:.
          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

          .:.
          ...said the spider to the fly...

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            :wswrwb:

            Education = status.
            Why?
            مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

            "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
            It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
            Surah al-Baqarah
            [2:245]

            .:.
            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

            .:.
            ...said the spider to the fly...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
              Why?
              That's just how people see it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                That's just how people see it.
                Is that how you see it?
                مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                Surah al-Baqarah
                [2:245]

                .:.
                .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                .:.
                ...said the spider to the fly...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                  Education, money, beauty, lineage. These are all things that give a person status. It's unfortunate but it's reality. Can't fight against it. Best to accept and move on.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                    We spend more time in school then we do with our parents.

                    I do agree that parents need to raise their kids, but the education system is incredibly broken.
                    The education system is doing what it was designed to do. As long as it's fulfilling its intended purpose then it can't really be considered broken.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                      Is that how you see it?
                      I don't care about a potential's education myself. But I do see a person with a Ph.D having more status than a plumber who only went to trade school, for example. That's just a reality.

                      Marriage has always been about status, among other things. Human beings are unlikely to change in this regard.
                      Last edited by Stoic Believer; 15-10-16, 05:22 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                        Originally posted by bismillaah View Post
                        Education, money, beauty, lineage. These are all things that give a person status. It's unfortunate but it's reality. Can't fight against it. Best to accept and move on.
                        Or we can try to fix the education system and help our children grow as proper adults?

                        Originally posted by quark View Post
                        The education system is doing what it was designed to do. As long as it's fulfilling its intended purpose then it can't really be considered broken.
                        Kids can write essay papers, but they don't have actual real world experience when they come out of school. Plus, they have a 20-50k debt on their shoulders.

                        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                        I don't care about a potential's education myself. But I do see a person with a Ph.D having more status than a plumber who only went to trade school, for example. That's just a reality.

                        Marriage has always been about status, among other things. Human beings are unlikely to change in this regard.
                        That's what I find weird. Someone who went to trade school shouldn't be looked down on just because they went with a cheaper educational option that allowed them to get a job quickly. A plumber isn't better than someone who went through university and someone who went through university isn't better than someone who went to trade school. But we've assigned education as status, which is fine, but our system has so many flaws.

                        I mean, someone could go to university and get a phd in film studies and witchcraft and they'll be seen as better than a plumber because they have a phd. I find that odd.

                        I do agree that marriage and status go hand in hand, but if education is so important and the system isn't broken then why is it a problem that sisters are gaining a higher education, when it ups their status. And why is it a problem that brothers want to go this route, even though it will saddle them with a debt and make it harder to get a wife?
                        مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                        "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                        It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                        Surah al-Baqarah
                        [2:245]

                        .:.
                        .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                        Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                        .:.
                        ...said the spider to the fly...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                          Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post


                          Kids can write essay papers, but they don't have actual real world experience when they come out of school.
                          Like what?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                            True pippin that's why homeschooling is the way forward imo
                            [SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][B][U][CENTER]Oh Allah, in your name, I die and live.[/CENTER][/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
                            [CENTER]:):lailah::lailah::lailah::lailah::)[/CENTER]

                            [B][CENTER]Ya Allah, Grant Me A Heart That Sees[/CENTER][/B]

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Why do we place so much emphasis on education when it comes to marriage?

                              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                              Or we can try to fix the education system and help our children grow as proper adults?


                              Kids can write essay papers, but they don't have actual real world experience when they come out of school. Plus, they have a 20-50k debt on their shoulders.


                              That's what I find weird. Someone who went to trade school shouldn't be looked down on just because they went with a cheaper educational option that allowed them to get a job quickly. A plumber isn't better than someone who went through university and someone who went through university isn't better than someone who went to trade school. But we've assigned education as status, which is fine, but our system has so many flaws.

                              I mean, someone could go to university and get a phd in film studies and witchcraft and they'll be seen as better than a plumber because they have a phd. I find that odd.

                              I do agree that marriage and status go hand in hand, but if education is so important and the system isn't broken then why is it a problem that sisters are gaining a higher education, when it ups their status. And why is it a problem that brothers want to go this route, even though it will saddle them with a debt and make it harder to get a wife?
                              The thing is, there's a difference between what's ideal and how the world really is. We can talk all we want about how things rationally should be, but that won't change a thing.

                              Well there are also other factors involved other than status in marriage. For example, men nowadays might desire a educated woman, but they may also desire a younger woman or a family oriented woman. Also men typically don't like women who are more educated (and thus higher in status) than them. These desires clash, and obviously you can't have it all so sacrifices must be made. So some men will choose to marry a less educated younger wife.

                              Brothers will go down the education route for the status as well, and because they see little other option.

                              Comment

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