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  • .Hajar.
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Originally posted by bismillaah View Post
    Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

    Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

    option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

    option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

    Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.
    are you divorced now?

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    She played a blinder?
    Are you my parrot?

    Leave a comment:


  • AmantuBillahi
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    I believe going with option 1 would suit you and your circumstance. Ultimately who are we to judge. We don't know you in real life.

    I think being in a polygimous (think that's how you spell it) requires a level of maturity and deen, which only you know if you are fit for.

    And Allah knows best

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    OP is stressed, she went through a lot searching for marriage, she was mocked for her threads...then she played a blinder and now is back to her normal threads.......people should read between the lines...
    She played a blinder?

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Is the OP a troll or not? I can't tell.
    OP is stressed, she went through a lot searching for marriage, she was mocked for her threads...then she played a blinder and now is back to her normal threads.......people should read between the lines...

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Originally posted by bismillaah View Post
    Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

    Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

    option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

    option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

    Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.
    You're brave for putting yourself out there....pray istikhara and then go with the option you want to.....I would go for 1....less baggage and it's fun that you are both new to marriage......so it'll be a new experience for both of you......whereas the other guy is already married so he has been through it all........not as exciting......imo......

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Is the OP a troll or not? I can't tell.

    Leave a comment:


  • Inquisitive10
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    More info required, were are they both financially and were are you? also how have you arrived at the conclusion that one is significantly better in deen then the other?? Assumptions are a dangerous thing, more clarifications needed.

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    Sis, what do you mean by 'dissociated'? Are you okay?

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu-Yahya
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    SubhanAllah.

    This topic is pretty strange, sorry for saying. Since most sisters would just go for option 1 with those parameters.

    Having someone as religious commited as yourself is a really good idea. As for experience, it's not rocket science to be married. As for those who say that marriage is very hard, maybe you have married the wrong person. Not being married is usually harder if the other person is a good husband/wife.

    But I believe you should look at all parameters. Perhaps the single guy is broke, uneducated and average, while the married guy is rich, educated and handsome apart from being more religious than option 1, that could make you want to go for option 2.

    I know that some women say that they don't want to 'annoy' the marrieds persons wife, and thus they prefer single men. Some also can't handle the jealousy.

    Even for people that are handsome, educated, rich, practising it's hard to find 2 wives, so he's probably a very nice guy since he is a competitor to option 1. So again: Look at all of their attributes before you decide.
    Last edited by Abu-Yahya; 14-10-16, 03:57 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: single or polygamy

    What's wrong with option 1?

    Leave a comment:


  • bismillaah
    started a topic single or polygamy

    single or polygamy

    Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

    Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

    option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

    option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

    Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.
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