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  • single or polygamy

    Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

    Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

    option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

    option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

    Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.

  • #2
    Re: single or polygamy

    What's wrong with option 1?

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: single or polygamy

      SubhanAllah.

      This topic is pretty strange, sorry for saying. Since most sisters would just go for option 1 with those parameters.

      Having someone as religious commited as yourself is a really good idea. As for experience, it's not rocket science to be married. As for those who say that marriage is very hard, maybe you have married the wrong person. Not being married is usually harder if the other person is a good husband/wife.

      But I believe you should look at all parameters. Perhaps the single guy is broke, uneducated and average, while the married guy is rich, educated and handsome apart from being more religious than option 1, that could make you want to go for option 2.

      I know that some women say that they don't want to 'annoy' the marrieds persons wife, and thus they prefer single men. Some also can't handle the jealousy.

      Even for people that are handsome, educated, rich, practising it's hard to find 2 wives, so he's probably a very nice guy since he is a competitor to option 1. So again: Look at all of their attributes before you decide.
      Last edited by Abu-Yahya; 14-10-16, 02:57 PM.
      Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: single or polygamy

        Sis, what do you mean by 'dissociated'? Are you okay?
        And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
        http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: single or polygamy

          More info required, were are they both financially and were are you? also how have you arrived at the conclusion that one is significantly better in deen then the other?? Assumptions are a dangerous thing, more clarifications needed.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: single or polygamy

            Is the OP a troll or not? I can't tell.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: single or polygamy

              Originally posted by bismillaah View Post
              Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

              Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

              option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

              option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

              Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.
              You're brave for putting yourself out there....pray istikhara and then go with the option you want to.....I would go for 1....less baggage and it's fun that you are both new to marriage......so it'll be a new experience for both of you......whereas the other guy is already married so he has been through it all........not as exciting......imo......
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: single or polygamy

                Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                Is the OP a troll or not? I can't tell.
                OP is stressed, she went through a lot searching for marriage, she was mocked for her threads...then she played a blinder and now is back to her normal threads.......people should read between the lines...
                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: single or polygamy

                  Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                  OP is stressed, she went through a lot searching for marriage, she was mocked for her threads...then she played a blinder and now is back to her normal threads.......people should read between the lines...
                  She played a blinder?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: single or polygamy

                    I believe going with option 1 would suit you and your circumstance. Ultimately who are we to judge. We don't know you in real life.

                    I think being in a polygimous (think that's how you spell it) requires a level of maturity and deen, which only you know if you are fit for.

                    And Allah knows best

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: single or polygamy

                      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                      She played a blinder?
                      Are you my parrot?
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: single or polygamy

                        Originally posted by bismillaah View Post
                        Today, I found out something which made me so distressed that I dissociated.

                        Now I have a decision to make, out of 2 options. It would be 1 option, but I suffer from a lot of self doubt, and my 'mistakes' are not always mistakes.

                        option 1: marry a single brother, whose never been married, has no expectations, and this marriage is his first experience. Deen he's on the same level as you, you are not afraid.

                        option 2: marry a married brother, who is married +/- kids, has expectations due to being married and has experienced it. Deen he is on a very high level, which u may see as positive or negative.

                        Im so stressed out, I feel like a zombie. I have only ever dissociated 2 times in my life, one after an interview and one earlier this year when I started a new life.
                        are you divorced now?
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: single or polygamy

                          Option 1.

                          Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                          What's wrong with option 1?
                          There's probably nothing wrong with him, but he's not as religious.
                          Narrated Anas:
                          The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." [Bukhari]

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: single or polygamy

                            Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                            Are you my parrot?
                            Do you look like a pirate?

                            I'm just trying to find out what you are referring to when you say a blinder? She said she was married and it looks like she was lying, is this the blinder you are referring too?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: single or polygamy

                              Originally posted by ms.muslimah View Post
                              Option 1.



                              There's probably nothing wrong with him, but he's not as religious.
                              What is not as religious ?

                              You never know who is more closer to Allah swt.

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