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How to be a good husband?

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  • Re: How to be a good husband?

    ............
    Last edited by savo234; 11-12-16, 10:36 PM.

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    • Re: How to be a good husband?

      Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
      ...

      By saying feminist blogger, it makes me think you don't read anything that she posts. *sigh* She's a fantastic writer and has a lot of great things at her blogs and facebook pages. I recommend trying to read her work. Also, if you read the post where this list was made, then you'd see that it was a tongue in cheek thing and not meant to be taken seriously.

      I don't know the origins of it, but I do remember reading the original one here, but it was left with little fanfare since it was directed towards women.


      Also, I simply asked for thoughts about the list. Not sure why you are using that hadith as a means for this thread to be closed. If that were the case, then any thread about barsisa should be immediately closed because that's a story from the children of Israel.

      This thread isn't about aqeedah, it was more of a social experiment on how we'd react when we see a list that is meant for women be used for men.
      Hazrat Umar R.A's intentions were good yet Muhammad S.A.W.W got angry.



      The hadith is relevant so i posted it here

      Ask Darul Ilm, Ask Abu Musab

      Biblical proverbs should not be discussed by muslims unless a muslim is preparing to argue about fallacies of christianity.
      I posted the hadith, for your guidance,

      Yes, every thread containing proverbs of other religion like that, should be closed unless it is in comparative religion

      Not sure what do you mean about children of israel, care to explain?

      Do not know about the list being posted about women here, if it was from proverbs of bible then it was equally wrong



      Not interested in reading her work, there are better and safer options available for me
      Last edited by GoogleSlayer; 12-12-16, 06:33 AM.
      Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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      • Re: How to be a good husband?

        ............
        Last edited by GoogleSlayer; 22-12-16, 04:23 PM. Reason: inadvertently bumped an old thread
        Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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        • Re: How to be a good husband?

          Originally posted by savo234 View Post
          She also claimed that the sexual obligation is exactly same for men and women. Let me repeat, for women its specific. They have to oblige on all times except an excuse. As for men, the obligation is general on a reasonable basis. Like some scholars have written that if he has 4 wives, then once in every 4 nights for a woman. But not specific. Because men have been obliged with earning, fighting, dawah and many other things which require absence from home. Similarly Rasulullah(sa) abstained from intimacy after an oath from his wives for 1 month. So was that a sin ? Can someone ask SalafiFeminist that question.
          very valid points akhi

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          • Re: How to be a good husband?

            As man I would go into marriage expecting the worse case scenario...and bracing for impact.
            I wouldnt expect anything out of the wife. As soon as you start mentioning expectations of women as wives towards their husbands, women go up in arms.

            The unfortunate reality of today.

            I think the best approach like I said go in with no expectations of her but genuinely try and be a good husband. Hopefully she will reciprocate. Men are supposed to be the leaders after all.



            If that doesn't work and she just takes advantage of you.......get out of there fast!
            "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
            -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

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            • Re: How to be a good husband?

              Originally posted by ss91 View Post
              As man I would go into marriage expecting the worse case scenario...and bracing for impact.
              I wouldnt expect anything out of the wife. As soon as you start mentioning expectations of women as wives towards their husbands, women go up in arms.

              The unfortunate reality of today.

              I think the best approach like I said go in with no expectations of her but genuinely try and be a good husband. Hopefully she will reciprocate. Men are supposed to be the leaders after all.



              If that doesn't work and she just takes advantage of you.......get out of there fast!


              I think the opposite way brother. I do not think we can afford to be nice from the start. Obviously she will take advantage of you. Sisters are blessed by Allah swt that we have to marry them right away no playing around no gf,nothing. So if she has had the same opportunity in life as you and you also pay mahr and get her accommodation you are doing the right think Islamicly but from a secular point you have lost out. Because in the time of rasullilah sws women were regarded as property, imagine a muslim at that time even smiling and feeding his wife is sadaqa but they might felt like they were really special because times could allow the men to be nasty but they were god fearing. Look at our times. Ask yourself can you afford to be nice, a teamplayer from the start. NO. If you have your own place, tell her she can not move in yet. Wait for at least half a year. Show you have your own life. Show her you are a challenge and should be respected, you are not like other brothers.

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              • Re: How to be a good husband?

                Originally posted by dragon! View Post
                [/B]

                I think the opposite way brother. I do not think we can afford to be nice from the start. Obviously she will take advantage of you. Sisters are blessed by Allah swt that we have to marry them right away no playing around no gf,nothing. So if she has had the same opportunity in life as you and you also pay mahr and get her accommodation you are doing the right think Islamicly but from a secular point you have lost out. Because in the time of rasullilah sws women were regarded as property, imagine a muslim at that time even smiling and feeding his wife is sadaqa but they might felt like they were really special because times could allow the men to be nasty but they were god fearing. Look at our times. Ask yourself can you afford to be nice, a teamplayer from the start. NO. If you have your own place, tell her she can not move in yet. Wait for at least half a year. Show you have your own life. Show her you are a challenge and should be respected, you are not like other brothers.
                Dude! that was the most insight response ive seen in a long time. It's all relatively speaking.

                I agree with the last sentence especially. I posted something recently a while back that your wife shouldnt become everything. She is just there for the ride. You have your own purpose. But I didnt think about being a challenge part. In today's day and age its on the opposite end of the spectrum in western societies.

                I do have a question though, at one point in your marriage have you pretty much lost the "power struggle"?

                what I mean by that is, the wife is trying to basically open you up and learn all she can about you (whether consciously or subconsciously I believe all women do this), but if that happens then she knows all your weaknesses and you eventually just become "useless" in a way. No more intrigue, and no more mysteriousness.
                Last edited by ss91; 22-12-16, 10:30 PM.
                "The duty of the man who investigates the writings of scientists, if learning the truth is his goal, is to make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and,.. attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency."
                -Alhazen Ibn Al-Haythem

                Comment


                • Re: How to be a good husband?

                  Originally posted by ss91 View Post
                  Dude! that was the most insight response ive seen in a long time. It's all relatively speaking.

                  I agree with the last sentence especially. I posted something recently a while back that your wife shouldnt become everything. She is just there for the ride. You have your own purpose. But I didnt think about being a challenge part. In today's day and age its on the opposite end of the spectrum in western societies.

                  I do have a question though, at one point in your marriage have you pretty much lost the "power struggle"?

                  what I mean by that is, the wife is trying to basically open you up and learn all she can about you (whether consciously or subconsciously I believe all women do this), but if that happens then she knows all your weaknesses and you eventually just become "useless" in a way. No more intrigue, and no more mysteriousness.


                  I am glad you received my response to your post in a good way my respected brother.

                  Most mysterious thing you can say is i do not want you to move in with me yet. This will make her feel like wow he is such a catch he wants to keep his options open. So many brothers can not wait for their wife to move in simply to end up like a doormat. One thing about mystery and being mysterious is by not showcasing all your good qualities or achievements right away, it should come natural. Imagine going on a vacation with your wife to a middle eastern country and you know basic Arabic greeting and ordering at a restaurant you will definitely gain points but if she already knew you had some basic skills, it will take away the moment it could have been.

                  What usually happens is that women will marry a man with potential to become what they would like him to be. And over time that ideal changes, so the smart man is he who in his 20's really tries to find out what makes him unique from others what are your qualities what are you all about ,what intrigues you. This way you become your own person. lets say you live on your own this world tells you, you have to cook and clean your room/house, wash your clothes. Women want to be needed, chances are she will move in and make you feel like you are inadequate to do basic house things, this might be because she has nothing else to offer to your life. I will tell you women are caring and nurturing, This is why you will sometimes see a woman go with a man that has a lot of troubles because she believes he needs her and she will make him the man he can be.No sisters wants to just be needed for intimacy. As long as you know what you like and dislike and have the confidence to express it you should be fine. And the not moving in together part is important. She might think you are keeping your options open. But you are kindly telling her you have your own thing and want to see how far you can go in life without anyone influencing any part of your development to become the man you want to be. Just by doing something different like others. It can give you a huge head start in your marriage.
                  Last edited by dragon!; 22-12-16, 11:07 PM.

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                  • Re: How to be a good husband?

                    Originally posted by Fais View Post
                    Stupid.
                    Not just stupid

                    this thread is extremely and ridiculously stupid
                    Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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