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    #31
    Re: problems with men today

    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

    men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

    Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

    Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
    when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
    Sis, what I've found is that on ummah whenever you criticize or mention constructive criticism towards men the brothers get really offended. So I'm going to give you some advice, don't take it to heart or expect anything different. Sorry brothers, but it's true.

    Anywho, I found a list that might help brothers be better with their wives:

    ---

    A good man makes a good husband
    A good husband becomes a good father
    A good father raises a good child

    If you want to be one, emulate these steps below:

    1) Never raise your voice for any reason to your wife. It's a sign of disrespect.
    2) Don't expose your wife's weaknesses to your family and friends.
    It will bounce back at you. You are each other's keepers
    3) Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your wife.
    You never know how your wife will interpret them. Defensive men don't have a happy home.
    4) Never compare your wife to other women.
    You have no idea what their life is all about. If you attack her Ego, her Love for you will diminish.
    5) Never ill treat your wife's friends because you don't like them.
    The person who's supposed to get rid of them is your
    wife.
    6) Never forget that your wife married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.
    7) Never assign anyone to give attention to your wife.
    People may do everything else but your wife is your own responsibility.
    8. Never blame your wife if you come home and nothing is perfect.
    Rather, encourage her.
    9) Never be a wasteful or unappreciative husband. Your wife's sweat is too precious to be wasted.
    10) Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your wife' right. You must give it to her how she wants it.
    It's very important to women.
    If you keep denying her it is a matter of time before another man takes over that duty.
    No woman can withstand on starvation for too long (even the anointed ones).
    11) Never compare your wife to others. Your home may never recover from it if you do
    12) Never answer for your wife in public opinion polls.
    Let her handle what is directed to her although she may answer for you in public opinion polls.
    13) Never shout or challenge your wife in front of children.
    Wise men don't do that.
    14) Don't forget to check the smartness of your wife
    before she checks out.
    15) Never allow your friends to be too close to your wife.
    16) Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table.
    Out there your wife is always surrounded by men who took their time on their looks.
    17) Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage.
    Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave
    18) Never base your love on monetary things.
    Will you still respect her even if she earns more money than you?
    19) Don't forget that wives want attention and good listeners.
    Never be too busy for her. Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home.
    20) If your idea worked better than hers, never compare yourself to her. It's always team work
    21) Don't be too judgmental of your wife. No woman wants a nagging and ungrateful husband.
    22) A lazy husband is a careless husband. He doesn't even know that his body needs a bath.
    23) Does your wife like a kind of cooked food? Try to change your cooking. No woman jokes with food.
    24) Never be too demanding of your wife. Enjoy every moment, resource as it comes
    25) Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your wife and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty.
    26) Don't associate with men who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.
    27) Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable
    28) Fruit of the womb is a blessing from Allah. Love your children and teach them well
    29) You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason
    30) A pious rightious husband is a better equipped husband. Make Dua and pray always for your wife and family.
    مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

    "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
    It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
    Surah al-Baqarah
    [2:245]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

    .:.
    ...said the spider to the fly...

    Comment


      #32
      Re: problems with men today

      But pippin

      if men have thirty points to follow then women have ANOTHER HUNDRED

      :rotfl:



      Oh sugar, sugar, oh honey, honey :1popcorn:
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


        #33
        Re: problems with men today

        Lets cut it down to one line, I've heard men like simple things

        Obey your women, listen to them, and look after them well without neglecting your duties.

        :1popcorn:
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


          #34
          Re: problems with men today

          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
          What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

          men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

          Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

          Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
          when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
          I do agree to a large degree, men need to be men, and part of that is being in charge, nothing wrong in asking advise, making shura, but brothers please stop whining, it's not manly.

          We see many threads, articles, posts etc about the problems with women in the ummah, telling them to do this or do that, but I've always thought, though there are exceptions, generally if there are problems with women in a man's life it's because he's not handling the situation correctly.

          Be a man, take charge and stop whining.
          FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

          www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

          Comment


            #35
            Re: problems with men today

            Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
            You missed my point sis. Women will do all that and more when they are happy and satisfied. But women are not all the same.
            And here is the thing, men want wives who will stay at home, not go out much, make him the centre of her world, and so on but when she is in the house all day with a bunch of kids, she needs an adult to talk to at the end of day, the same way he feels like he needs to rest or eat or something. Since he is the man here he needs to bear it, come home and give the wife whatever she needs instead of getting all upset that she is 'unloading'. A lot of women these days work and have kids, they come home and then do the cooking and cleaning and dealing with the kids. If they can do that why can't men do the same just by talking/listening or whatever she asks. Who made this rule about "no talking at the door" lol.

            women talk. simple. They need to talk things out. why is she told that it is completely unacceptable to do that when her husband gets home. And my main point is why do men complain about it and lecture women about it.

            what's funny is that in those lectures, talks, conversations etc they will mention in detail what men need or what they want. we've all heard it. But when it's about women "oh they are weird, they are emotional" "just give her your credit card" "buy some chocolate and she'll be quiet"
            It's disrespectful and immature. Women are what they are, you can't 'fix' it. Just appreciate it and listen to what they are telling you.

            Even on forum you see brothers complaining about sisters, "why do they get away with this and that". Yes even in life women are excused for things, prioritised or put back in other things because men and women are not the same. I thought that's what they all agreed to, why complain? kafir men are the worst at this, the absolute worst. I think it's unmanly behaviour tbh and horrible to listen to or read.
            "Oh, just come home and give her whatever she needs" - you sound like a brat. Why is it so hard for you to decide to put off your complaining till the husband has gotten some rest? No ones telling you you can never say anything. If hes been working hard outdoors, when he comes home, why cant YOU give him what HE needs? Why is it he has to work to support you but you whine about having a meal ready for him or being asked to zip your lip for a few minutes till hes gotten to relax? Its not all about you. You say a woman will fo things for her husband when she's happy and satisfied - is that what Islam teaches? Sit on your ever expanding backside and wait for your husband to make you happy first before you do what you're supposed to? Making your spouse happy is an obligation, even more so for the wife since the husband gas greater rights over her and has the right to be obeyed! What if I switched it around and said a husband will be willing to listen to his wife's whining if he is made to feel happy and satisfied first? Has that ever occurred to you? Or how about this - since both husband and wife are supposed to look after one another, and his rights over you are greater than your rights over him, why don't you be the more mature individual and give him his rights first? Because sitting and moaning about what he does and doesn't do and waiting for HIM to take the initiative with everything actually DISEMPOWERS you. It makes you a powerless and passive object who cannot influence her own marriage because she has to wait for someone else to make the first move and they may or may not do it. And if you or your husband die while hes displeased with you because you found it too hard to be quiet for a few minutes when he came home and let him relax or cook him a good meal after hed been working hard to support you, and you were waiting around for him to give you what you want first, guess what? You may be going to Hell! I hope the satisfaction of feeling like you're a victim would be worth Hellfire for you.

            Comment


              #36
              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post

              Sis, what I've found is that on ummah whenever you criticize or mention constructive criticism towards men the brothers get really offended. So I'm going to give you some advice, don't take it to heart or expect anything different. Sorry brothers, but it's true.
              Lol not at all exclusive to brothers.

              Comment


                #37
                Re: problems with men today

                Men want the 3 Rs.

                Respect, reassurance and relief. When a man comes home from work, and his tired and doing his job as a man, the last thing he needs is house that is burning. This is what is meant by relief. The house is the safety of the couple. A lot of times, women do not know how to approach the man. They basically offload both barrels as soon as he enters the house. Yes women are emotional like rumaysah says. But it's not carte blanche.

                common sense people

                Originally posted by Seoul View Post
                just look at this site. men on here complain about their most basic responsibility of providing food, shelter, clothing and the extra for their wife. most would just want to have sex then nothing else.
                Which men would that be? coz I haven't seen what u see.

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: problems with men today

                  Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                  What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

                  men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

                  Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

                  Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
                  when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
                  I remember reading that it is not considered appropriate to greet someone with bad news and request after request as soon as they come home.

                  It is considered bad manners.

                  I think both men and women would agree sometimes you need a moment to yourself when you come home after a days work.

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: problems with men today

                    https://gingerbeardmansite.wordpress...ree-over-them/

                    Throwing this link in here again, so people understand some of the issues around men being in charge of women. It's in women's nature to be upset by issues, to become emotional, to complain, even argue, especially when upset and it's your job as a man to take consideration of that, to be lenient where you can.
                    Last edited by Gingerbeardman; 26-09-16, 07:51 PM.
                    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                    www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: problems with men today

                      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                      I do agree to a large degree, men need to be men, and part of that is being in charge, nothing wrong in asking advise, making shura, but brothers please stop whining, it's not manly.

                      We see many threads, articles, posts etc about the problems with women in the ummah, telling them to do this or do that, but I've always thought, though there are exceptions, generally if there are problems with women in a man's life it's because he's not handling the situation correctly.

                      Be a man, take charge and stop whining.
                      Thank you! finally
                      maybe brothers will take it better when it's coming from their own gender
                      شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                      فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                      وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                      ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: problems with men today

                        A woman who understands her husband's feelings and situations and knows the right time to speak to him is a gem.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: problems with men today

                          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                          What is it to be the one in charge of your home and the one that has authority?

                          men these days seem to complain too much. complaining about women, their wives, feminism, complaining about their wives/women complaining, how tired they are when they get home, how women 'nag' them as soon as they step in. All the time complaining!

                          Why are you complaining, just deal with it. So what if your wife doesn't cook when you get home and she starts talking about other things you didn't want to hear. Why can't she do that? she's a woman. Why can't you handle it?

                          Why do we always have to tell sisters be like this when a man is upset or be like that when he comes home, don't talk too much, make sure the food is done etc
                          when we don't tell brothers the same thing about women, that she is doing things like this because there is an issue going on with her and you're supposed to find a way to deal with it. Not sulk, get angry, over emotional and complain. This is what women do.
                          Sister with all due respect I think you should change your wording to SOME men because not all men are like this, some of us show a lot of appreciation for our female kin. You've not met every single man on this planet so it's unfair to label all men in this manner, this goes for brothers too mind, they too should not label all women the same either.

                          In order for both sexes to get along there has to be some sort of level of understanding and maturity otherwise people will just keep hating on one another (not saying you're hating on anyone) and will keep going around in circles.
                          He who loses money, loses much.

                          He who loses a friend, loses more.

                          He who loses faith, loses ALL.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: problems with men today

                            Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                            Thank you! finally
                            maybe brothers will take it better when it's coming from their own gender
                            Guess you missed the posts by [MENTION=138521]iguess[/MENTION]. :up:

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Re: problems with men today

                              :salams

                              The world would be a better place if men never complain about their wives and overlook all their faults. At the end of the day, women are the weaker creatures so men should be understanding and try to patiently put up with them, no matter how difficult they are.

                              I'm really fed up with the one sided cultural approach towards marriage where women are responsible for everything and it's always their fault if anything goes wrong. We're created from a bent rib, so it's not the end of the world or an issue if men come home and find their wives haven't cleaned the house or cooked them a meal. They should just make excuses for their wives and give them a hand.
                              “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.” (Quran 50:16)

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: problems with men today

                                Originally posted by iguess View Post
                                "Oh, just come home and give her whatever she needs" - you sound like a brat. Why is it so hard for you to decide to put off your complaining till the husband has gotten some rest? No ones telling you you can never say anything. If hes been working hard outdoors, when he comes home, why cant YOU give him what HE needs? Why is it he has to work to support you but you whine about having a meal ready for him or being asked to zip your lip for a few minutes till hes gotten to relax? Its not all about you. You say a woman will fo things for her husband when she's happy and satisfied - is that what Islam teaches? Sit on your ever expanding backside and wait for your husband to make you happy first before you do what you're supposed to? Making your spouse happy is an obligation, even more so for the wife since the husband gas greater rights over her and has the right to be obeyed! What if I switched it around and said a husband will be willing to listen to his wife's whining if he is made to feel happy and satisfied first? Has that ever occurred to you? Or how about this - since both husband and wife are supposed to look after one another, and his rights over you are greater than your rights over him, why don't you be the more mature individual and give him his rights first? Because sitting and moaning about what he does and doesn't do and waiting for HIM to take the initiative with everything actually DISEMPOWERS you. It makes you a powerless and passive object who cannot influence her own marriage because she has to wait for someone else to make the first move and they may or may not do it. And if you or your husband die while hes displeased with you because you found it too hard to be quiet for a few minutes when he came home and let him relax or cook him a good meal after hed been working hard to support you, and you were waiting around for him to give you what you want first, guess what? You may be going to Hell! I hope the satisfaction of feeling like you're a victim would be worth Hellfire for you.
                                lol where do I even start. You completely missed my point. Firstly calm down.
                                Secondly, this isn't about whether women should do those things you mentioned or not. It's not a 'rights' game, I don't care who gives whose rights first. As far as I see it both have been working, one inside and one outside.
                                Women also have things that they need which a lot men are falling short in providing. This dismissing and belittling of women and their complaints because "husband always comes first otherwise he will be angry and we can't have that now can we" needs to be sorted out. I understand anger at major things but why are some men today getting angry over things like this? Why not as the man overlook it or deal with the root cause? they're supposed to be more in control of their emotions but these days they are just as emotional as women they just don't see it.

                                btw I don't see any hadith that talks about a lot of these rules people (men) have made for women about what they should and shouldn't do. This is an individual thing and each couple will work differently. Not all men want to be cooked for, not all women will women want to talk out their problems, not everyone is tired after work. Where does this all come from especially the issue of talking about problems when the husband comes back from work.

                                Back home for example some people don't work 9-5, men are in and out of the house during all times of the day in some cases. They can't follow this made up advice, this is more like a western thing and I question where it came from. Women in those societies also don't need to 'unload' so much on to their husbands because they are surrounded by family and support. A lot of sisters in the west don't have that and they have husbands who demand they stay at home with the kids so she has no place really to talk if the husband don't want to listen. I think it's just another case of men not wanting to deal with women as they are and take responsibility. "oh women, they talk too much, they nag too much, they don't respect us, this and that".

                                What happened to leading by example. If you want to use this example of that you bring up of 'shutting up and cooking' then here is what I think would be much more effective than what some do today. You come home, there's nothing cooked. Don't yell and scream like a maniac, don't get angry at her. Take charge, find out what happened, find out what's wrong with her, you cook or get food, overlook it, forgive it but remind her nicely of what you expect. She will feel ashamed or snap out of her bad mood. Women are simple, they are just different. Who says females are more complicated and difficult to understand than men? Did Allah and his messenger :saw: say it or men today while they were complaining.
                                Last edited by Rumaysah~; 26-09-16, 08:40 PM.
                                شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                                فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                                وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                                ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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