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My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

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  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    [MENTION=130730]Rumaysah~[/MENTION] you've completely misinterpreted everything I said can't be asked to explain, just read.

    Leave a comment:


  • birdmanrots
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    So this hypothetical scenario was just a longwinded way of having a rant against polygamy.
    aye,realised it as soon as i saw OP

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  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    typical ummah thread lol

    sisters, especially OP, you need to relax. Don't take the comments on this topic so seriously. Separate boys from men who fear Allah. Boys will just follow their desires and walk all over their wives rights. Men will either do the job properly or if they fear they can't be just they will stay away. There's plenty of men in the ummah who fear Allah i'm sure. If you marry someone who doesn't care about your rights then no amount of conditions will change anything.

    Also we can't impose what we think is right or wrong on others. We shouldn't call women dumb because they accept their husbands having a wife abroad. We need to know the whole situation beforehand. What if the second wife abroad has many children in a country full of poverty and this man out of kindness is looking after them all? should she get a divorce from him because she sees him for this many months and not that many months and let her children starve? even though he treats her well and he trying his best and dividing his time equally? she isn't dumb, she is actually intelligent and doing what is best for her children. we shouldn't judge without knowing whats going on. There are people who have this kind of set up with the husband is travelling a lot to each wife and it works for them. If we don't agree that's fine but we have to respect that it works for them. If the man was a rich businessman who travelled a lot would sisters still be complaining?

    There's no denying there are cases where the women are not getting their rights but sisters need to stop being paranoid when it comes to polygamy, constantly fearing if he married again that they will lose out somehow. Do your checks properly before you marry someone, I hear sisters sometimes say "I don't want somebody too extreme" what they mean is someone who is very strict in following islam. This type is properly the one who will give you your rights.

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  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    :jkk: for even posting sis, your insight is really appreciated :inlove:



    But there is a way he could guarantee this - by not searching for a wife abroad. I understand that a brother may want to help a sister in a war-torn country but if that is the case, he should just marry one right off the bat. Why do they make these women second wives? Because they know they are desperate enough to settle for less than they deserve? Also, how can any man think it is reasonable to leave his wife and children essentially fatherless for months at a time? No, this is something that cannot be negotiated. He can always sponsor a wife and child if he wishes.



    Omgee sis, stop being so demanding/s
    being a second, third or fourth wife is not settling for less than they deserve

    Leave a comment:


  • Zul_Qarnain
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    My condition for not being polythiest
    My condition for being polygon:hexagon building
    My condition for not being polygamy: too misquin even to have such a two cent thought!
    Newton's 4th law: Every action is not a cheat, its just a cheat sheet permitted by my spouse.
    I wish I were not following sufism unconsciously
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2_2cFityc4
    Conscious heart:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTTloRob8WQ

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.
    LOL

    thing is we need to be careful about statements like ''demand our rights'', for both brothers and sisters. There is no demand as Allah swt has commanded it

    In terms of the house issue, the demanding seperate quarters is more to do with family (parents). Wife can say no to looking after parents and demand separation. But this can be a room with a lock and access to kitchen and facilities

    In terms of polygany, there is no demand from either as he must provide and observe the rules where one cant hear the other when together with hubby

    Also worth noting is that the husbands obligations are not a semi detached with garage and clothes from armani with chicken tikka masala and roast for food. a bedsit with second hand clothes and soup fulfills the obligation

    Leave a comment:


  • sister_82
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.
    2 kitchens. 2 bathrooms, a bedroom for each wife, if you have kids , maybe another 2 rooms for them, are they going to be sharing the living room - maybe another living room.

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property
    its easier in uk

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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property
    It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.

    Leave a comment:


  • sister_82
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
    the right is not just for remarrying

    and provision is a room with access to facilities which is easily fulfilled in the same house
    I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    its my right - the end :-)
    the right is not just for remarrying

    and provision is a room with access to facilities which is easily fulfilled in the same house

    Leave a comment:


  • sister_82
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by eeniemeanie View Post
    :jkk: For even posting sis, your insight is really appreciated :inlove:



    But there is a way he could guarantee this - by not searching for a wife abroad. I understand that a brother may want to help a sister in a war-torn country but if that is the case, he should just marry one right off the bat. Why do they make these women second wives? Because they know they are desperate enough to settle for less than they deserve? Also, how can any man think it is reasonable to leave his wife and children essentially fatherless for months at a time? No, this is something that cannot be negotiated. He can always sponsor a wife and child if he wishes.



    Omgee sis, stop being so demanding/s
    its my right - the end :-)

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    As Salaam Alaykum

    I havent read all the posts here because I'm getting bored with a number of polyagmy threads and basically repeating myself.
    :jkk: for even posting sis, your insight is really appreciated :inlove:

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    1. This is something you would need to compromise on, there is no way your husband can guarantee this so its unfair place such a demand on him. Look at our sisters in war torn/poor counties - they need to get married to.
    But there is a way he could guarantee this - by not searching for a wife abroad. I understand that a brother may want to help a sister in a war-torn country but if that is the case, he should just marry one right off the bat. Why do they make these women second wives? Because they know they are desperate enough to settle for less than they deserve? Also, how can any man think it is reasonable to leave his wife and children essentially fatherless for months at a time? No, this is something that cannot be negotiated. He can always sponsor a wife and child if he wishes.

    Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
    2. The husband must to that regardless, its the husband responsibilities to maintain and provide for his wife- that is a commanded by Allah swt. and to be equal and just if he takes on more. If there is a time that the husband becomes jobless then - then he may have no option to seek help - as long as he is actively looking for work In some cases the wife may work and compromise on this for a while.

    3. Its a woman right to ask for separate accommodation, if you are not able to a roof over your wife/wives head then maybe you should reconsider remarrying. I dont know brothers think its ok to make their wife compromise and sacrifice so much so that they can take another wife, its the husband fears Allah swt and has sound character then it would work
    Omgee sis, stop being so demanding/s

    Leave a comment:


  • Pink123
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    Hypothetical wives placing hypothetical conditions upon hypothetical husbands/potentials.

    Wonderful.
    That pretty much sums up half the marriage section.

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    Plenty of people. Let's have the brothers be honest with the sisters here, most young unmarried brothers (and often older ones as well) speak of marrying more than once when they get together and talk, it's immature but it does happen and often.

    Others who are already married like the idea of it in theory but know how difficult it would be to be just in practice so don't, but still the desire is there if they could.

    Generally I would say it's more unusual for a man not to have this want both before and even during marriage, but most of the time it's tempered by society and family around us, the love for our wives and children and not wanting to hurt them, as well as a fear of being unjust and being punished by Allaah.
    I dont think its genuine intention. Its usually childish fantasy

    Leave a comment:

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