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My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

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  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
    Sister ,with all due respect stick to a monogomous marriage.Khalas.
    I find it interesting you give me such advice but say nothing to the brothers on this thread who have got the magnifying glass out and are already uncomfortable with the notion of such basic conditions.

    Also, as most women seem to not even be able to entertain the idea of their husband having another wife - surely I'm miles ahead of the game? But you're right, better to force polygamy down the throat of a woman who hates it and not fulfil her rights out of laziness than, you know, seek out someone who is open to it but with basic conditions in place. Because....lazy (inconsiderate) man's logic.

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
    :wswrwb:

    2. and 3. are already given in our deen, a woman has a right to be provided for and housed separately if that is what she wishes.

    Clause 1 is reasonable, given the way some men spend a few weeks or even months with one wife then the same time with the other, but in the mean time the wife in the other country along with his kids is neglected and though I know people who make this work, it cannot be healthy for the wives or kids involved to not have their husband / father there for such a long period of time.

    Also would say, though you feel happy to put these conditions, other sisters who consider polygamy feel differently, so there are sisters with careers who are quite happy to give up even shared time, maintenance as well as other rights, and that is their right to do so.

    But I feel these conditions should come from the sisters side, heard of two many brothers imposing conditions or the marriage cannot go ahead, or going ahead with the nikkah then afterwards refusing to fulfill each wife's rights.
    Brothers making conditions? Could you elaborate on this part?

    Originally posted by Ni'mah View Post
    I concur, many men want to have their cake and eat it too. I thought your conditions were basic. Trying to make polygamy work in the west is too much of a headache to be honest.
    Yup. The bottom line is that the men are lazy. They want to shove the "be patient" and "marriage is Ibaadah" spiel down the wife/women in general's throat but there is no talk about men realising that they are going to have to work twice as hard to make such marriages work. None of this "oh, I have free time - lemme just zone out on the laptop for the rest of the evening", you're going to have to actually make use of every minute of time you have and be in the service of your family. But, no, why would they want to do this - and actually reap the rewards in this life and the next - when they can just do a half-a**ed job and silence their wives' complaints with "be patient", you have "low iman"W, "don't you love the sunnah" etc?

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  • Ni'mah
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    Moral of the thread: stay away from polygamy girls, these men start acting like lawyers tryna pick everything apart when these conditions are so basic omg
    I concur, many men want to have their cake and eat it too. I thought your conditions were basic. Trying to make polygamy work in the west is too much of a headache to be honest.

    Leave a comment:


  • Gingerbeardman
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    :salams

    It's been a bit longer than 5 mins since the last polygamy thread - I know - but I promise I have a fresh, new angle!

    So...what do you think of a hypothetical wife/potential placing these three conditions upon a hypothetical husband/potential if he happens to decide to go down the route of taking another wife:

    1. The additional wife/wives MUST reside in the same country as each other
    2. The husband MUST provide for all his wives out of his own pocket - nobody lives off of the state
    3. The husband MUST provide separate accommodation for each wife and her children

    What do y'all think? :brf:
    :wswrwb:

    2. and 3. are already given in our deen, a woman has a right to be provided for and housed separately if that is what she wishes.

    Clause 1 is reasonable, given the way some men spend a few weeks or even months with one wife then the same time with the other, but in the mean time the wife in the other country along with his kids is neglected and though I know people who make this work, it cannot be healthy for the wives or kids involved to not have their husband / father there for such a long period of time.

    Also would say, though you feel happy to put these conditions, other sisters who consider polygamy feel differently, so there are sisters with careers who are quite happy to give up even shared time, maintenance as well as other rights, and that is their right to do so.

    But I feel these conditions should come from the sisters side, heard of two many brothers imposing conditions or the marriage cannot go ahead, or going ahead with the nikkah then afterwards refusing to fulfill each wife's rights.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    Good question. I don't know. I suppose this is there more for myself - if in the eventuality I need to seek khula, it would add more "meat" to my case, if you will.
    Sister ,with all due respect stick to a monogomous marriage.Khalas.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    Right, so there are no real conditions except to stick to the ones already laid out in Islam. If the guy seems good and upon the sunnah, then there's no need stipulate things that are already obligatory for him. If you feel the need to set out things that should be a given, maybe look elsewhere? I mean if you have reason to suspect that he isn't striving to follow Islam in the first place, then these conditions probably won't matter to him anyway.
    This

    Leave a comment:


  • brightesthour
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by *sheba* View Post
    My conditions for polygamy:

    Polygamy? Never.
    Loool

    My thought exactly

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Ajabah View Post
    :wswrwb:

    To be honest @eaniemeanie, if a man/potential doesn't have enough taqwah to fulfill your rights given to you by Allāh , what makes you think he will honour conditions set by you?
    Good question. I don't know. I suppose this is there more for myself - if in the eventuality I need to seek khula, it would add more "meat" to my case, if you will.

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    That would have been fine if I had not known of the existence of "good, practising men" (on the face of it during the getting-to-know-you period) who go on to treat their wives badly.

    I am a prepare for the worst, hope for the best kinda gal. Hence, the setting out of conditions.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ajabah
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    :wswrwb:

    To be honest [MENTION=128109]EenieMeanie[/MENTION], if a man/potential doesn't have enough taqwah to fulfill your rights given to you by Allāh , what makes you think he will honour conditions set by you?

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu 'Abdullaah
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    I'm marrying for myself. And if you had experienced what I have, you would have trust issues too.

    The conditions I made and a woman's RIGHTS at least overlap if not being the exact same thing -- the woman has the RIGHT to provision from the husband; the woman has the RIGHT to accommodation; the woman has the RIGHT to her husband's time. These conditions are literally just specifying those rights and highlighting the husband's responsibility to fulfil them.
    Right, so there are no real conditions except to stick to the ones already laid out in Islam. If the guy seems good and upon the sunnah, then there's no need stipulate things that are already obligatory for him. If you feel the need to set out things that should be a given, maybe look elsewhere? I mean if you have reason to suspect that he isn't striving to follow Islam in the first place, then these conditions probably won't matter to him anyway.

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    Conditions = demands. I thought we already established that.

    To proceed, what are you on about? Rights are different to conditions that are stipulated by an individual.

    "Armed with conditions"

    Wouldn't be better and easier for everyone to just say 'no' instead of 'arming' yourself? It strongly implies suspicion and lack of trust - why would you risk marrying if that's the case?
    I'm marrying for myself. And if you had experienced what I have, you would have trust issues too.

    The conditions I made and a woman's RIGHTS at least overlap if not being the exact same thing -- the woman has the RIGHT to provision from the husband; the woman has the RIGHT to accommodation; the woman has the RIGHT to her husband's time. These conditions are literally just specifying those rights and highlighting the husband's responsibility to fulfil them.

    Leave a comment:


  • InTheBegining
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    Moral of the thread: stay away from polygamy girls, these men start acting like lawyers tryna pick everything apart when these conditions are so basic omg
    Took you a while to get there but it was prettt obvious from the get go that this was an anti polygamy thread.
    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    So this hypothetical scenario was just a longwinded way of having a rant against polygamy.
    Basically.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu 'Abdullaah
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    Yes, it does invite abuse. Face it, I put up these conditions and there were already guys trying to pick holes in it and talk about it being "demanding".

    It seems like if you can get away with not giving a woman her rights, you'll take the opportunity. Potentials need to be armed with conditions to keep you lot in check.

    Second wives - raise your standards! If not for you, for your children. They deserve to see their father more than every 6 months. They deserve to witness a healthy r/s where the father is fulfilling his financial responsibilities.
    Conditions = demands. I thought we already established that.

    To proceed, what are you on about? Rights are different to conditions that are stipulated by an individual.

    "Armed with conditions"

    Wouldn't be better and easier for everyone to just say 'no' instead of 'arming' yourself? It strongly implies suspicion and lack of trust - why would you risk marrying if that's the case?

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
    Oooooh yes it is.
    Yes, it does invite abuse. Face it, I put up these conditions and there were already guys trying to pick holes in it and talk about it being "demanding".

    It seems like if you can get away with not giving a woman her rights, you'll take the opportunity. Potentials need to be armed with conditions to keep you lot in check.

    Second wives - raise your standards! If not for you, for your children. They deserve to see their father more than every 6 months. They deserve to witness a healthy r/s where the father is fulfilling his financial responsibilities.

    Leave a comment:

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