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My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

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  • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

    Originally posted by eeniemeanie View Post
    :jkk: For even posting sis, your insight is really appreciated :inlove:



    But there is a way he could guarantee this - by not searching for a wife abroad. I understand that a brother may want to help a sister in a war-torn country but if that is the case, he should just marry one right off the bat. Why do they make these women second wives? Because they know they are desperate enough to settle for less than they deserve? Also, how can any man think it is reasonable to leave his wife and children essentially fatherless for months at a time? No, this is something that cannot be negotiated. He can always sponsor a wife and child if he wishes.



    Omgee sis, stop being so demanding/s
    its my right - the end :-)
    No Longer On UF

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    • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

      Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
      its my right - the end :-)
      the right is not just for remarrying

      and provision is a room with access to facilities which is easily fulfilled in the same house

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      • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

        Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
        the right is not just for remarrying

        and provision is a room with access to facilities which is easily fulfilled in the same house
        I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property
        No Longer On UF

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        • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

          Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
          I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property
          It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.

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          • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

            Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
            I dont think you can provide such accommodation in the west - unless you able to pay for a larger a property
            its easier in uk

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            • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
              It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.
              2 kitchens. 2 bathrooms, a bedroom for each wife, if you have kids , maybe another 2 rooms for them, are they going to be sharing the living room - maybe another living room.
              No Longer On UF

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              • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                It's not that difficult to do and the house does not have to be particularly large...not that I've thought about any of this.
                LOL

                thing is we need to be careful about statements like ''demand our rights'', for both brothers and sisters. There is no demand as Allah swt has commanded it

                In terms of the house issue, the demanding seperate quarters is more to do with family (parents). Wife can say no to looking after parents and demand separation. But this can be a room with a lock and access to kitchen and facilities

                In terms of polygany, there is no demand from either as he must provide and observe the rules where one cant hear the other when together with hubby

                Also worth noting is that the husbands obligations are not a semi detached with garage and clothes from armani with chicken tikka masala and roast for food. a bedsit with second hand clothes and soup fulfills the obligation

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                • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                  My condition for not being polythiest
                  My condition for being polygon:hexagon building
                  My condition for not being polygamy: too misquin even to have such a two cent thought!
                  Newton's 4th law: Every action is not a cheat, its just a cheat sheet permitted by my spouse.
                  I wish I were not following sufism unconsciously
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2_2cFityc4
                  Conscious heart:
                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTTloRob8WQ

                  Comment


                  • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
                    :jkk: for even posting sis, your insight is really appreciated :inlove:



                    But there is a way he could guarantee this - by not searching for a wife abroad. I understand that a brother may want to help a sister in a war-torn country but if that is the case, he should just marry one right off the bat. Why do they make these women second wives? Because they know they are desperate enough to settle for less than they deserve? Also, how can any man think it is reasonable to leave his wife and children essentially fatherless for months at a time? No, this is something that cannot be negotiated. He can always sponsor a wife and child if he wishes.



                    Omgee sis, stop being so demanding/s
                    being a second, third or fourth wife is not settling for less than they deserve
                    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                    Comment


                    • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                      typical ummah thread lol

                      sisters, especially OP, you need to relax. Don't take the comments on this topic so seriously. Separate boys from men who fear Allah. Boys will just follow their desires and walk all over their wives rights. Men will either do the job properly or if they fear they can't be just they will stay away. There's plenty of men in the ummah who fear Allah i'm sure. If you marry someone who doesn't care about your rights then no amount of conditions will change anything.

                      Also we can't impose what we think is right or wrong on others. We shouldn't call women dumb because they accept their husbands having a wife abroad. We need to know the whole situation beforehand. What if the second wife abroad has many children in a country full of poverty and this man out of kindness is looking after them all? should she get a divorce from him because she sees him for this many months and not that many months and let her children starve? even though he treats her well and he trying his best and dividing his time equally? she isn't dumb, she is actually intelligent and doing what is best for her children. we shouldn't judge without knowing whats going on. There are people who have this kind of set up with the husband is travelling a lot to each wife and it works for them. If we don't agree that's fine but we have to respect that it works for them. If the man was a rich businessman who travelled a lot would sisters still be complaining?

                      There's no denying there are cases where the women are not getting their rights but sisters need to stop being paranoid when it comes to polygamy, constantly fearing if he married again that they will lose out somehow. Do your checks properly before you marry someone, I hear sisters sometimes say "I don't want somebody too extreme" what they mean is someone who is very strict in following islam. This type is properly the one who will give you your rights.
                      شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                      فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                      وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                      ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                      Comment


                      • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                        Originally posted by Abu 'Abdullaah View Post
                        So this hypothetical scenario was just a longwinded way of having a rant against polygamy.
                        aye,realised it as soon as i saw OP

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                        • Re: My conditions for Polygamy (kinda)

                          [MENTION=130730]Rumaysah~[/MENTION] you've completely misinterpreted everything I said can't be asked to explain, just read.
                          And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
                          http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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