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Complicated communication between spouses

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  • SumitaSofat
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    The theoretical research and application behind this is phenomenal and mind blowing, and if couples can spend a little times understanding how their partner thinks and what it takes for them to felt understood, it can take relationships to a very deep level.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu 'Abdullaah
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    ...So, how do we “de-code” this mysterious difference in our communication styles?...
    Tell me what he said or done. I'll have crack at decoding it for you.

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  • Fakhri
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    "I know you believe you understand what you think I said. I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant"
    At this point, make no assumptions and check to be sure they heard what you said.
    Wife to desist communicating in sign language, esp when her husband's eyes are half closed?

    Might help. :]

    (Sorry, I know, serious business. Ignore.)

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    It’s amazing how complicated communicating with each other can become! Rather than talking WITH each other, they resort to talking AT each other —spitting out facts rather than connecting in their relationship.... And then when you realize the disconnection going on between you and your husband and you try to dialogue with him —nothing! Something you say flies right over his head, or it obviously doesn’t hold the same meaning for him as it does for you because of his reaction (or lack there-of). And then things become even more complicated in your relationship!

    So, how do we “de-code” this mysterious difference in our communication styles? How much should a husband and wife discuss their needs? What they expect from each other? Is there a limit to it? What if a man is too shy to discuss and this ends up making his woman feel unwanted?
    It takes a few years at least to understand the dynamics of effective communication.

    Define 'shy' - I have yet to know a man who is shy of expressing himself. I think the patriarchal culture I am from, the men's voices are always heard (loudly enough).

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  • Ekoor
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    what happens in between these years that is takes to know one another? how much "damage" can/will be caused trying to find the right way to express differing views?
    Lots and lots of damage will occur.

    This is a a sad reality.

    It threfore takes tons of forgiveness etc to keep on going.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    "I know you believe you understand what you think I said. I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant"
    At this point, make no assumptions and check to be sure they heard what you said.
    :scratch:
    Too much for my senses.

    Leave a comment:


  • InTheBegining
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Complicated communication between spouses discussion being discussed by noon married single ppl. Ok

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  • TheNamesMalik
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?
    -This "something" is it one of those things thats not haram but its one of those annoy traits they might have? Some things like this we shouldn't make a big deal out off because itll save a lot headach. There are somethings I overlook and she does the same. Save a lot of problems, of course the issued was raised but it was in a normal vibe and this made things more easy instead of giving the cold shoulder.

    -How to make him talk, I really don't have a answer. For myself I ask questions because I don't like a uncomfortable vibe. But I asked some close people and some said that if they talk theyd end up hurting the othera feeling. Maybe you should warm him up before discussing as in, the whole week don't bring it up but do things that make him happy and don't raise an issue even if he's wrong just to see if theres a change of attitude. I don't have all the answers especially since it seems youve been married longer than me. But Im just giving somethings from experience that I have that worked with me.

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  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
    Overall, guys are not fantastic communicators. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. And then there are some guys who think that their wife should be able to read their minds. On the other hand, some women have no idea how to get their point across in a respectful manner and then wonder why their husband shuts them out.

    Communicating is really an art and not black and white. It seems easy enough to say 'oh we all should communicate and that will solve our problems!' Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same way we do. And then the whole respecting of boundaries thing as well, like another poster mentioned. I think it's best to first assess how you partner communicated and go from there. But again, it's not that easy.
    It's women who think men should read their mind actually.

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss Foxxy
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Serinity View Post
    :salams

    just ask "sorry I offended you, what is wrong?"

    People gotta talk.
    Wasalaam...

    Asking is not a problem - she is open to discussion - HE feels not... he feels there are some things that he cannot express / discuss.

    Leave a comment:


  • TheNamesMalik
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    ...
    Last edited by TheNamesMalik; 17-08-16, 04:06 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • TheNamesMalik
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
    It depends on what she expects from you,she has a certain view of something and the husband has a diff view of the same thing.And when that clashes, she is going to think what is wrong with this guy, this is not the way i was brought up or he is a weirdo or something and probably gonna give him negative vibes.
    That is probably enough to put a man off, he just sort of goes into his shell innit.
    -True ahki, I was being told one thing but it had a hidden meaning I didn't expect until she told me... I was flabbergasted.

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  • Umm Uthmaan
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

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  • Serinity
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
    He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?
    :salams

    just ask "sorry I offended you, what is wrong?"

    People gotta talk.

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss Foxxy
    replied
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by TheNamesMalik View Post
    -New to this marriage thing, dependa on what type of husband you have. Me and my wife went through a phase were it was just petty arguments, but if someone is annoyed at you everything will be a battle. Just talking it over and saying what is wrong is winning half the battle (no gi joe.) In my opinion because you get to figure out whats the real root of the problem. Alhamdulillah everythings quite and nice. Still some bickers in some moments but for the most part we have more of an understanding. Was there any argument or disputes you had in which you saw a change? Because there can be somethings people hold on to and wont let it ago unless you address it, and you find that old probable is the result from all the other arguments or silence from one anotber.

    He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?

    Leave a comment:

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