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Complicated communication between spouses

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  • #16
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
    It depends on what she expects from you,she has a certain view of something and the husband has a diff view of the same thing.And when that clashes, she is going to think what is wrong with this guy, this is not the way i was brought up or he is a weirdo or something and probably gonna give him negative vibes.
    That is probably enough to put a man off, he just sort of goes into his shell innit.
    "I know you believe you understand what you think I said. I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant"
    At this point, make no assumptions and check to be sure they heard what you said.
    “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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    • #17
      Re: Complicated communication between spouses

      Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
      I think the fact most of the time spouses put everything into their marriage they back taken aback when there is some form of negative feedback after all the effort put in to please their spouse.

      So, a simple gesture or suggestion comes accross as being talked down.

      This takes years of getting to know each other before and many sore battles before we realise where we going wrong and able to to find the right way to express our differing views.
      what happens in between these years that is takes to know one another? how much "damage" can/will be caused trying to find the right way to express differing views?
      “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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      • #18
        Re: Complicated communication between spouses

        Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
        Depending on a number or varying factors, every single one of us has different preferred ways of communication. Sometimes a perfectly compatible couple do not see eye to eye because of the disparity in their internal preferred communication system. Communication is the response that you get from the other person, based on what you said.The theoretical research and application behind this is phenomenal and mind blowing, and if couples can spend a little times understanding how their partner thinks and what it takes for them to felt understood, it can take relationships to a very deep level.

        Thats why self discovery is essential prior to marriage....
        Yupz, definitely....
        “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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        • #19
          Re: Complicated communication between spouses

          -New to this marriage thing, dependa on what type of husband you have. Me and my wife went through a phase were it was just petty arguments, but if someone is annoyed at you everything will be a battle. Just talking it over and saying what is wrong is winning half the battle (no gi joe.) In my opinion because you get to figure out whats the real root of the problem. Alhamdulillah everythings quite and nice. Still some bickers in some moments but for the most part we have more of an understanding. Was there any argument or disputes you had in which you saw a change? Because there can be somethings people hold on to and wont let it ago unless you address it, and you find that old probable is the result from all the other arguments or silence from one anotber.

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          • #20
            Re: Complicated communication between spouses

            Originally posted by TheNamesMalik View Post
            -New to this marriage thing, dependa on what type of husband you have. Me and my wife went through a phase were it was just petty arguments, but if someone is annoyed at you everything will be a battle. Just talking it over and saying what is wrong is winning half the battle (no gi joe.) In my opinion because you get to figure out whats the real root of the problem. Alhamdulillah everythings quite and nice. Still some bickers in some moments but for the most part we have more of an understanding. Was there any argument or disputes you had in which you saw a change? Because there can be somethings people hold on to and wont let it ago unless you address it, and you find that old probable is the result from all the other arguments or silence from one anotber.

            He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?
            “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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            • #21
              Re: Complicated communication between spouses

              Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
              He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?
              :salams

              just ask "sorry I offended you, what is wrong?"

              People gotta talk.
              La ilaha illallahu, wahdahu la sharika lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa 'ala kulli sha'in Qadir
              (there is no true god except Allah. He is One and He has no partner with Him; His is the sovereignty and His is the praise, and He is Omnipotent),'
              Do not say about Allah but Truth.

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              • #22
                Re: Complicated communication between spouses

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                • #23
                  Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                  Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                  It depends on what she expects from you,she has a certain view of something and the husband has a diff view of the same thing.And when that clashes, she is going to think what is wrong with this guy, this is not the way i was brought up or he is a weirdo or something and probably gonna give him negative vibes.
                  That is probably enough to put a man off, he just sort of goes into his shell innit.
                  -True ahki, I was being told one thing but it had a hidden meaning I didn't expect until she told me... I was flabbergasted.

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                  • #24
                    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                    ...
                    Last edited by TheNamesMalik; 17-08-16, 04:06 PM.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                      Originally posted by Serinity View Post
                      :salams

                      just ask "sorry I offended you, what is wrong?"

                      People gotta talk.
                      Wasalaam...

                      Asking is not a problem - she is open to discussion - HE feels not... he feels there are some things that he cannot express / discuss.
                      “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                        Overall, guys are not fantastic communicators. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. And then there are some guys who think that their wife should be able to read their minds. On the other hand, some women have no idea how to get their point across in a respectful manner and then wonder why their husband shuts them out.

                        Communicating is really an art and not black and white. It seems easy enough to say 'oh we all should communicate and that will solve our problems!' Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same way we do. And then the whole respecting of boundaries thing as well, like another poster mentioned. I think it's best to first assess how you partner communicated and go from there. But again, it's not that easy.
                        It's women who think men should read their mind actually.

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                        • #27
                          Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                          Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
                          He does something - she doesnt like it - he feels he shouldnt have - he feels negative vibes - this causes "bitterness" - how do we fix this? especially when he feels that there are certain things that cannot simply be talked over?
                          -This "something" is it one of those things thats not haram but its one of those annoy traits they might have? Some things like this we shouldn't make a big deal out off because itll save a lot headach. There are somethings I overlook and she does the same. Save a lot of problems, of course the issued was raised but it was in a normal vibe and this made things more easy instead of giving the cold shoulder.

                          -How to make him talk, I really don't have a answer. For myself I ask questions because I don't like a uncomfortable vibe. But I asked some close people and some said that if they talk theyd end up hurting the othera feeling. Maybe you should warm him up before discussing as in, the whole week don't bring it up but do things that make him happy and don't raise an issue even if he's wrong just to see if theres a change of attitude. I don't have all the answers especially since it seems youve been married longer than me. But Im just giving somethings from experience that I have that worked with me.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                            Complicated communication between spouses discussion being discussed by noon married single ppl. Ok
                            Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                              Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
                              "I know you believe you understand what you think I said. I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant"
                              At this point, make no assumptions and check to be sure they heard what you said.
                              :scratch:
                              Too much for my senses.

                              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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                              • #30
                                Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                                Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
                                what happens in between these years that is takes to know one another? how much "damage" can/will be caused trying to find the right way to express differing views?
                                Lots and lots of damage will occur.

                                This is a a sad reality.

                                It threfore takes tons of forgiveness etc to keep on going.

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