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  • Complicated communication between spouses

    “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

  • #2
    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

    There is always a barrier, dont think man would want to discuss everything.
    Think he would always worry about what his wife would think.

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

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    • #3
      Re: Complicated communication between spouses


      This is a massive problem. Communication is basic. Understanding and fulfilling the needs of each other too.

      Is this disconnection due to a lack of something? Of compatibility? Of knowing each other?
      I don't know...

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Complicated communication between spouses

        Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
        This is a massive problem. Communication is basic. Understanding and fulfilling the needs of each other too.

        Is this disconnection due to a lack of something? Of compatibility? Of knowing each other?
        I don't know...
        They need to have an understanding of how the other deals with things...a couple have an argument....if the wife knows her husband likes to calm down before resolving the matter then she should leave him be until he is calm...if she tries to resolve things whle he is still angry then she will not get a nice response......

        Everyone reacts and deals with things differently...does not make your way the better way...you have to respect your spouse's boundaries and terms..
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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        • #5
          Re: Complicated communication between spouses

          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
          There is always a barrier, dont think man would want to discuss everything.
          Think he would always worry about what his wife would think.
          Communication should bring you and your partner closer to each other. It should be used to break down the barriers that keep you apart, not to build up fortifications between you.
          “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

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          • #6
            Re: Complicated communication between spouses

            Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
            Communication should bring you and your partner closer to each other. It should be used to break down the barriers that keep you apart, not to build up fortifications between you.
            I dont think it is easy.
            How do you tell certain things to your wife, you just cant.
            What if she thinks you are a weirdo or summing.

            Do you think he is willing to take that risk and live the rest of his life, being thought of as a weirdo.
            NO

            Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

            **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

            Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Complicated communication between spouses

              Overall, guys are not fantastic communicators. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. And then there are some guys who think that their wife should be able to read their minds. On the other hand, some women have no idea how to get their point across in a respectful manner and then wonder why their husband shuts them out.

              Communicating is really an art and not black and white. It seems easy enough to say 'oh we all should communicate and that will solve our problems!' Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same way we do. And then the whole respecting of boundaries thing as well, like another poster mentioned. I think it's best to first assess how you partner communicated and go from there. But again, it's not that easy.
              Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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              • #8
                Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                I dont think it is easy.
                How do you tell certain things to your wife, you just cant.
                What if she thinks you are a weirdo or summing.

                Do you think he is willing to take that risk and live the rest of his life, being thought of as a weirdo.
                NO
                how are you even sure that she would think of you being a weirdo?
                “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                  Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                  Overall, guys are not fantastic communicators. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. And then there are some guys who think that their wife should be able to read their minds. On the other hand, some women have no idea how to get their point across in a respectful manner and then wonder why their husband shuts them out.

                  Communicating is really an art and not black and white. It seems easy enough to say 'oh we all should communicate and that will solve our problems!' Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same way we do. And then the whole respecting of boundaries thing as well, like another poster mentioned. I think it's best to first assess how you partner communicated and go from there. But again, it's not that easy.
                  spot on....
                  “Mu'min” is more that just a title. It is to have Imaan established in the heart and testified to by the limbs.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                    Originally posted by Miss Foxxy View Post
                    how are you even sure that she would think of you being a weirdo?
                    It depends on what she expects from you,she has a certain view of something and the husband has a diff view of the same thing.And when that clashes, she is going to think what is wrong with this guy, this is not the way i was brought up or he is a weirdo or something and probably gonna give him negative vibes.
                    That is probably enough to put a man off, he just sort of goes into his shell innit.

                    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                      Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                      Overall, guys are not fantastic communicators. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth. And then there are some guys who think that their wife should be able to read their minds. On the other hand, some women have no idea how to get their point across in a respectful manner and then wonder why their husband shuts them out.

                      Communicating is really an art and not black and white. It seems easy enough to say 'oh we all should communicate and that will solve our problems!' Unfortunately, not everyone thinks the same way we do. And then the whole respecting of boundaries thing as well, like another poster mentioned. I think it's best to first assess how you partner communicated and go from there. But again, it's not that easy.
                      Yes i agree, it is such a hard thing to achieve , having two minds work as one, obviously guys tend to shy away, not knowing what hit them or i dont know what she wants.

                      Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                      **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                      Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                        Depending on a number or varying factors, every single one of us has different preferred ways of communication. Sometimes a perfectly compatible couple do not see eye to eye because of the disparity in their internal preferred communication system. Communication is the response that you get from the other person, based on what you said.The theoretical research and application behind this is phenomenal and mind blowing, and if couples can spend a little times understanding how their partner thinks and what it takes for them to felt understood, it can take relationships to a very deep level.

                        Thats why self discovery is essential prior to marriage....
                        وَالْعَصْرِ

                        إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                        إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                        "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                        "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                        Khanqah Habibiyah

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                        • #13
                          Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                          Yes i agree, it is such a hard thing to achieve , having two minds work as one, obviously guys tend to shy away, not knowing what hit them or i dont know what she wants.
                          Why would you have to think as one?

                          Every person is an individual in their own right and have individual accountability. I disagree with having to think as one and having different views is imperative to a healthy marriage. Although it is very important to be able to see and understand where your partner is coming from
                          وَالْعَصْرِ

                          إِنَّ الْإِنسَانَ لَفِي خُسْرٍ

                          إِلَّا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا بِالصَّبْرِ

                          "If Allah (swt) only sent this Surah to us, for the guidance of Mankind, this will be enough for us” - Imam Shaafi'ee r.a.

                          "Yeh dunya daar e faani hain, Tum apna dil mat lagaon, Ganimat samaj zinadagee ki bahar, aana na hoga, yahaa baar baar......"

                          Khanqah Habibiyah

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                            Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                            Why would you have to think as one?

                            Every person is an individual in their own right and have individual accountability. I disagree with having to think as one and having different views is imperative to a healthy marriage. Although it is very important to be able to see and understand where your partner is coming from
                            Textbook style analysis,
                            For obvious reasons i aint gonna give examples , but yes when it comes to the day to day running affairs of marriage, it is fine i guess, not when it comes to both of you as a couple.
                            Understanding alone wont get you anywhere, you need to be acceptable without showing negative vibes.
                            Men are very self conscious and probably will pick on the slightest negativity.

                            Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                            **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                            Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Complicated communication between spouses

                              I think the fact most of the time spouses put everything into their marriage they back taken aback when there is some form of negative feedback after all the effort put in to please their spouse.

                              So, a simple gesture or suggestion comes accross as being talked down.

                              This takes years of getting to know each other before and many sore battles before we realise where we going wrong and able to to find the right way to express our differing views.

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