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Intermixing During Volunteer Events

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  • Medic
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Bidrohi Ronoklanto View Post
    I was actually making reference to the sister who is a full hijabi and practicing yet she took up a job where she had to do marketing for this Islamic company, the woman needs to be pathetically dumb to NOT know that she was fetching more customers than all the male marketers, I don't think any pretty woman can be that dumb to not detect it.
    I have seen some incredibly naive girls so I wouldn't think that bad about her. You should advise the bros who run the company.

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Bidrohi Ronoklanto View Post
    The root of this problem lies in another serious problem within the Islamic community. It is the lack of proper understanding of haya, the concepts of hijaab and other general etiquette.
    Practicing brothers and sisters do read about these but very few of them actually properly grasp the concepts and implement them.

    The mosque I used to go to for Jumma prayers was also regularly frequented by marketing people from an Islamic superannuation company. So every week they would come, pray Jumma, then promptly wait near the exit distributing leaflets to exiting Muslims to sign them up with their business. What was interesting was when male marketers came, hardly any Muslim would stop to talk to them and get their leaflets. But when they started sending a very pretty young sister for the job, people would make a long line collecting the leaflets and having a few minutes conversation with the sister to find out the details and particulars of their services. The sister used to be in full hijab and seemed practicing.
    Lol. Thats a good observation.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bidrohi Ronoklanto
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by GKM View Post
    I agree with you
    Unfortunately Beard and hijab just become show off sign nowadays. You may find these people have opposite character what they look like (fake muslim) I also noticed these type of people are always try to flirt opposite sex.

    I have seen some Romanian gypsy women wearing scarf and standing out side of mosque and on the way targeting muslims men and women for money and saying salam.:)
    Bro I was not referring to those common muslims who came for jumma and took the opportunity to talk to a pretty woman, they were the regular muslims not the practicing type.

    I was actually making reference to the sister who is a full hijabi and practicing yet she took up a job where she had to do marketing for this Islamic company, the woman needs to be pathetically dumb to NOT know that she was fetching more customers than all the male marketers, I don't think any pretty woman can be that dumb to not detect it.

    Interpretation of that? Is the woman selling her marketing expertise to make a living or she is selling something else along with it knowingly or unknowingly? The so called Islamic company too, are they getting business and making money by selling their fantastic financial products only or selling something else too?

    There is room to be a lot more critical about our conducts. I have done a total u-turn in the last few years as to what actually constitute piety, a foot long beard and a head to toe abaya has very little to do with it.
    Last edited by Bidrohi Ronoklanto; 18-08-16, 12:00 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • GKM
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Bidrohi Ronoklanto View Post
    The root of this problem lies in another serious problem within the Islamic community. It is the lack of proper understanding of haya, the concepts of hijaab and other general etiquette.
    Practicing brothers and sisters do read about these but very few of them actually properly grasp the concepts and implement them.

    The mosque I used to go to for Jumma prayers was also regularly frequented by marketing people from an Islamic superannuation company. So every week they would come, pray Jumma, then promptly wait near the exit distributing leaflets to exiting Muslims to sign them up with their business. What was interesting was when male marketers came, hardly any Muslim would stop to talk to them and get their leaflets. But when they started sending a very pretty young sister for the job, people would make a long line collecting the leaflets and having a few minutes conversation with the sister to find out the details and particulars of their services. The sister used to be in full hijab and seemed practicing.
    I agree with you
    Unfortunately Beard and hijab just become show off sign nowadays. You may find these people have opposite character what they look like (fake muslim) I also noticed these type of people are always try to flirt opposite sex.

    I have seen some Romanian gypsy women wearing scarf and standing out side of mosque and on the way targeting muslims men and women for money and saying salam.:)

    Leave a comment:


  • Bidrohi Ronoklanto
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    The root of this problem lies in another serious problem within the Islamic community. It is the lack of proper understanding of haya, the concepts of hijaab and other general etiquette.
    Practicing brothers and sisters do read about these but very few of them actually properly grasp the concepts and implement them.

    The mosque I used to go to for Jumma prayers was also regularly frequented by marketing people from an Islamic superannuation company. So every week they would come, pray Jumma, then promptly wait near the exit distributing leaflets to exiting Muslims to sign them up with their business. What was interesting was when male marketers came, hardly any Muslim would stop to talk to them and get their leaflets. But when they started sending a very pretty young sister for the job, people would make a long line collecting the leaflets and having a few minutes conversation with the sister to find out the details and particulars of their services. The sister used to be in full hijab and seemed practicing.
    Last edited by Bidrohi Ronoklanto; 18-08-16, 11:14 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
    Who gave anyone the license to over-cross boundaries when Allah-the All-Knowing & Wise already set boundaries & limits on interaction with the opposite gender?
    “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers…” [Al-Nour, 24: 30-31]

    [MENTION=111570]Hijabi4life[/MENTION] if you already told him all your concerns, and gave him all the islamic explanations as well, then be patient and don't put so much pressure. Give him time to think more about that.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ekoor
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    Assalam'Alaykum dear sisters and brothers,

    I'm writing to you all to see advice on a situation that's been really bothering me and I can not find a solution to.

    My husband and I regularly are involved in doing volunteer work with Muslims. I'd rather not get into the details of what we're doing for fear of being recognized (yeah I know possibilities are slim but still lol). We have been doing this work for about 2 years and it involves men and women- even families and their children often join us. Usually women don't really interact with men that much unless we are talking about work related stuff, but even then it's in a respectful manner and doesn't happen so often. A married couple along with their kids starting joining us and they've been involved for almost a year now. I enjoyed their company and get along nicely with the wife and adore their children. I started to notice that this sister (the wife) is not so modest in her interaction with men. She talks and laughs a lot with men and often chats with my husband -sometimes about work related stuff or other random things. I've never in my years of marriage with him observed another sister being this close and chatty with him. I've always been taught (I'm a revert to Islam) about the dangers of intermixing and that these things should be avoided. This sister behaves like this often and not just with my husband, she talks openly a lot with other men as well. I observe it more with my husband because I see them every weekend.

    Fast forward about 4-6 months later, I kind of separated myself from volunteering because of personal issues. I would go sometimes but not as often. When I did go and get involved I noticed that there were times she would stand right next to him and even sit across from him at tables- even at times laughing with him. Her husband and children are always around by the way. I also noticed that my husband had pictures of her alone doing the volunteer work.

    So I confronted my husband about this and he expressed his admiration for her and her dedication to the work we do- and how she does all of this even as a mother of 4 kids. He says that it's sick for me to think wrongly of her because she's a mom and a wife, he has a great friendship with her husband. He thinks my feelings are just jealousy. I explained to him that I'm only reacting out of what I learned to be inappropriate in Islam.He then said he would not interact with her so much during volunteering and avoid her.

    A week later when it was time to volunteer I noticed that he did try to change his behavior but it was difficult for him because she always tries to talk to him and joke with him. Her kids of course make it harder because sometimes she has to say things to them and they are around him (ages are 5-12). I then decided that if his behavior was going to be difficult because of her actions I will finally say something to her about her actions that I find disrespectful and do not approve of. Since it's hard to talk to her in private I sent her a message telling her that her behavior is unacceptable to me and that I find it very disrespectful that she constantly talks to my husband. Her husband confronted my husband about the message and said that his wife has never been accused like this before- she never replied to the message. The next time I saw them I was completely shocked that her kids were totally acting different towards me. Her daughter always runs up to me to give me a hug and a kiss and this time she was completely cold (she's only around 8-9). Her oldest sons also snubbed me. This to me is the most disturbing about this situation. I totally felt like an outcast that day as everyone including my husband were cool and chitchatting and I was just there on the side doing my own thing. I eventually did have a talk with the sister and she says that she never meant to overstep her boundaries and she has always been taught about these things ever since she was very young. She did not even realize or acknowledge that her behavior was not okay.

    I expressed my sadness and disappointment to my husband and he says that no one knows why her kids acted like this. He says he does not want to deal with this and does not want to be a part of my drama. Last night I tried to mention it again to my husband in a calm voice and he totally flipped and started throwing things around the house. He says that he's at his wits end and doesn't know how to remedy this situation. He says he can not sit there and do the volunteer work with a grumpy face on and just wants this all to pass.

    I'm really disappointed with the way this whole situation was handled. My husband totally dismisses my feelings. He really admires the family because of good deeds that they do and loves the kids as I do. I think that this is the reason it's difficult for him to see how the mother is mistreating me. I feel like he is totally blinded.

    On another note, we had a situation where there was a brother who volunteered (he's single) and he would talk to me very often. He would literally stand next to me and chat my ear off for 15-20 minutes sometimes.My husband complained to me about his behavior towards me and often pulled me away and told me to never stand next to him.Eventually he stopped after I behaved a little abrasive towards him. I tell my husband to compare these situations but he says it's worst with him because he's a single unmarried man.
    When shaytaan cant lead us astray by convincing us to do outright rong deeds he using good actions like charity and community services etc to do so....

    In this lies great danger....

    Leave a comment:


  • ~TwinklingStar~
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Your husband is wrong !

    There's no excuse for chatting & flirting & being over-friendly with a non-mehram woman, irregardless of whether the woman is married or unmarried...or whether she has kids or not.

    If the husband of the mother of 4 kids can fulfill his desires with her, so can any other man. Having kids does not make you any less susceptible to zina. So, it makes no difference whether the woman has 1 kid, 4 kids or 10 kids.

    Who gave anyone the license to over-cross boundaries when Allah-the All-Knowing & Wise already set boundaries & limits on interaction with the opposite gender?

    Remember, you either follow Ar-Rahman or you follow Shaitan. There's nothing in between.

    And, there will be no good or barakah in any volunteer work when there is clear-cut haraam involved. If you're doing/allowing stuff which displeases Allah, don't except Him to shower His Mercy on you.

    A God-fearing man or woman would lower their gaze & avoid interacting with the opposite gender except out of necessity. Infact, a truly God-fearing man would not go to or lead mixed gatherings. There's no point of good if it's a accompanied by evil. It's all Shaitan's deception.

    Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to take a hard look at their imaan. Your husband (and the woman) need to repent.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    I have already explained to him that his actions are not Islamic and hurtful to me and he said he will stop his behavior. I am more concerned with him not seeing how this was wrong. He became too comfortable with this woman and forgot that she is a non-mahram woman.

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    I have already tried this and his excuse is that if there is no intention for sexual relations that then it's not a big deal. He also said that how can I think this way of a mother with 4 kids.
    Then, you can't just tell him that that behavior makes you sad?

    Leave a comment:


  • zantz
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Plus would he like it if you were all chatty with her man

    Leave a comment:


  • zantz
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    I have already tried this and his excuse is that if there is no intention for sexual relations that then it's not a big deal. He also said that how can I think this way of a mother with 4 kids.
    Tell him its about following Allah swt not sexual desires and how big of a deal it is to belittle your sins so if he fears Allah he would stop

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by zantz View Post
    Why dont you tell him about the islamic aspect of things and is this really gonna please Allah or the opposite?
    I have already tried this and his excuse is that if there is no intention for sexual relations that then it's not a big deal. He also said that how can I think this way of a mother with 4 kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Subhanallah

    Leave a comment:


  • zantz
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Why dont you tell him about the islamic aspect of things and is this really gonna please Allah or the opposite?

    Leave a comment:

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