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Intermixing During Volunteer Events

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  • GKM
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Charity Work: Charity work become a big business now a days. During Ramadan all asians and islamic chanels are busy for many hours for chaities and they collect money. Now you have to decide, if you are collecting money as sadqa, zakat and khairat for the charity and you take your wages or spending on yourself or spending on your family,is it allowed to take it?

    I think this money is haram, it is only for needy, and not allowed to take it. If you have another source of income or job and you do in spare time without any wages or any money then it is really rewardable. The way people doing charities is not charity actually they are doing for themselves.

    If you ask scholars same question and they may say it is allowed cos they are doing same thing for themselves and they may twist the topic.
    You may have noticed during Ramadan Muslim Aids supplied water to mosques and i told mosque commety not to use this water because this water bought from zakat and sadqah money and they should not use this money to buy water for us. Imams have blind eye and they do not care.

    Some families have free style of life and they call themselves modern or Moderate muslims. Their style of clothes is also unislamic and free mixing. It is not necessary their character is wrong but they chose this style of life. husbands and wives follow this way of life. You should not need to worry about his wife.
    I believe your husband do loves you and can not see you to talk opposite sex. As you have mentioned in your post.

    All reverts try to learn basic of islam and they follow all bits they learned and are not like us traditional muslims.
    I remembered a story in my city. A Pakistani wanted to marry an English lady and she asked about Islam. He told him about islam , not to lie,not to cheat and all other things. Then she found out her husband was telling a lie some one next day. She asked him you are muslim and why you were lying? He said "small lie is allowed" :)

    We are humane beings and always make mistakes may Allah forgive us ....Ameen.
    Last edited by GKM; 17-08-16, 11:14 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Poor husband...would rather sacrifice his marriage then look grumpy to a non mahram woman...how hard is it....your husband needs to recognize his issue...get an imam involved if he cannot see it...don't keep going on about it because you can see he is losing his temper over it.....don't make him crazy as he will resent you...and then you will have bigger issues....I would get him to stop volunteering but if he does not see it as a problem then he will just do it elsewhere...if he talks to women...go up there and stand with them and give him a look...the other woman should get the hint too...

    That other woman's husband sounds like he is on the verge of being a dayooth...happy to see his wife mixing so freely and openly with women....

    Leave a comment:


  • Gingerbeardman
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    You are so right-on in what you said that people accept it as perfectly acceptable because they're working for the greater good.
    This is the crux of the problem, and it is one of the tricks of shaitan. If he cannot stop certain deeds from taking place he will seek to corrupt them and in the end make them worthless.

    Leave a comment:


  • Medic
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    You're not crazy.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    He needs to understand the problem with his attitude. Because even if the project ends or he moves somewhere else, or you manage to convince the woman to back off, unless he admits his wrong then he might just end up in the same situation later.

    On a side note, the way the other woman told her kids to be rude to you indicates that she's stupid and childish.
    This is my biggest problem here that he does not acknowledge any wrongdoing. Neither does the wife or her husband. It makes me feel like I'm just crazy and overreacting. The husband and wife actually had a party where they separated men and women yet when my husband and I come over there is freemixing. I don't understand why this rule was followed in a large group but not in a small group.

    Leave a comment:


  • quark
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    He needs to understand the problem with his attitude. Because even if the project ends or he moves somewhere else, or you manage to convince the woman to back off, unless he admits his wrong then he might just end up in the same situation later.

    On a side note, the way the other woman told her kids to be rude to you indicates that she's stupid and childish.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
    :wswrwb:

    It's very normal with charity/volunteer organisations to allow all this, when I had a Facebook account I was amazed at how all these Muslim looking brothers and sisters were laughing with each other in pictures and standing close, shared accounts of volunteering together, etc. under the guise of, 'For Islam'. Well no, Islam doesn't allow free-mixing like this. Volunteering positions tend to be more relaxed than employed jobs and so people adopt this culture and think it's perfectly acceptable because they're working for the greater good, it's part of the appeal for some. It boosts morale, etc. or so it is claimed, but it is wrong. Your husband ignoring this basic understanding in Islam is wrong, you are not incorrect in pointing it out.

    However, you were wrong in addressing your concerns to the sister. Your husband is responsible for his own actions. I don't understand why women blame women, the man is not hopeless or an animal that he cannot control himself. Persist, what he is doing is not good at all. Perhaps instead of making it what he deems personal, send him Islamic material on this subject. It is utterly hypocritical that it is not all right for you but is fine for him.
    You are so right-on in what you said that people accept it as perfectly acceptable because they're working for the greater good.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    I totally agree with you. I have been around men who act very cold towards me and they manage to do that. It also wasn't difficult for me to be abrasive towards the brother that talked to me a lot since it bothered my husband. On whether or not I should have sent her the message I think it was good to call out her behavior since it may help her to be watchful of her actions.
    I wouldn't have sent her a message. I would have met up with her and spoken to her directly to see her reaction.

    Leave a comment:


  • Soliloquy
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    :wswrwb:

    It's very normal with charity/volunteer organisations to allow all this, when I had a Facebook account I was amazed at how all these Muslim looking brothers and sisters were laughing with each other in pictures and standing close, shared accounts of volunteering together, etc. under the guise of, 'For Islam'. Well no, Islam doesn't allow free-mixing like this. Volunteering positions tend to be more relaxed than employed jobs and so people adopt this culture and think it's perfectly acceptable because they're working for the greater good, it's part of the appeal for some. It boosts morale, etc. or so it is claimed, but it is wrong. Your husband ignoring this basic understanding in Islam is wrong, you are not incorrect in pointing it out.

    However, you were wrong in addressing your concerns to the sister. Your husband is responsible for his own actions. I don't understand why women blame women, the man is not hopeless or an animal that he cannot control himself. Persist, what he is doing is not good at all. Perhaps instead of making it what he deems personal, send him Islamic material on this subject. It is utterly hypocritical that it is not all right for you but is fine for him.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    I totally agree with you. I have been around men who act very cold towards me and they manage to do that. It also wasn't difficult for me to be abrasive towards the brother that talked to me a lot since it bothered my husband. On whether or not I should have sent her the message I think it was good to call out her behavior since it may help her to be watchful of her actions.

    Leave a comment:


  • Alina15
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Probably sending a message to her wasn't a great idea.

    I believe that there's always a means. If your husband could change his behavior, could be cold and indifferent towards her and stay firm in this, before or after she would have stopped or at least changed her behavior too.

    What does it mean "but it was difficult for him because she always tries to talk to him and joke with him", NO. Your husband should learn how to manage these situations. We live in a world where there are males and females and where in some occasions we can't avoid intermixing. We should be able to manage these situations too. And there's no excuse for laughing and joking together. No.

    You should have solved this with your husband.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    It's not easy to ask him to do another project because he leads it. So basically the project will not exist if he leaves.

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  • Indefinable
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Originally posted by Hijabi4life View Post
    My husband admitted that if I behaved as she did he would not like it. Yet still, he wants us to move forward and forget this even happened.
    SubhanaAllaah sis.

    May Allaah make things easy for you.

    You should try and explain to your husband that such voluntary work which involves freemixing is not permissable in Islaam. Try to leave the matter now for a little while, until your husband has calmed down, then try and approach it in a different manner. It's an extremely delicate situation, which puts you in a negative light if you handle things carelessly.

    Or maybe entice your husband with a new Project which makes him spend less time with what he's currently doing?

    Leave a comment:


  • -Jibril-
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    Find another place to volunteer in.
    Hopefully this should serve as a lesson for you and your husband.
    Don't make the same mistake again.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hijabi4life
    replied
    Re: Intermixing During Volunteer Events

    My husband admitted that if I behaved as she did he would not like it. Yet still, he wants us to move forward and forget this even happened.

    Leave a comment:

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