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  • Cannot find a spouse :(

    Assllamu Alaikum brothers and sisters

    I do not know where to start. My name is Saiful Amin from Bangladeshi born in England and I am 27 years old. For 5 years I have been searching for a spouse within my cultural and not seem to have any luck. I also tried Muslim website such as SingleMuslims and Muslima etc. They’re fake profiles and no single response (Even with Premium member) and wasted money for no reason.
    I asked my mother that I wanted to get married but she tells me to finish my degree, then after 3 years she then tells me to get a job and finally she says that we need a house. All I see she just wants her honour and reputation (to show off). Mother and my siblings they do not pray salaat even though I ask them to pray for me for support they don’t and will not judge them.
    My point is I feel like there’s no one out there for me but when I do find someone they are taken. I see my friends are married alhamduilliah good for them and I ask myself that “Will I ever find someone? Or am I not looking properly. I just feel alone all these years I rather be with someone that I can be with to have a laugh or needing support. Sorry didn’t mean to put too much a negative statement and I will try to stay strong.

  • #2
    Cannot find a spouse :(

    و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله

    Make sincere Dua to Allah and search with an open mind.. Ask family members to help, local masjid... Don't give up. Loads of people your age are still searching for spouses. May Allah make it easy
    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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    • #3
      Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

      Ask your friends to ask their wives if they know anyone. Ask your friends if they have any relatives/family friends looking for marriage for their daughter.

      There are plenty of sweet, practising and pretty Bangladeshi sisters out there. You're just the right age too - don't lose hope. Make dua. May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.
      And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
      http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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      • #4
        Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

        :wswrwb:

        Saif if you can't find a spouse in England then I suggest you go and look in Bangladesh since you want a Bengali wife
        I know it's gonna be hard for you to travel there but it's worth a shot maybe ask your relatives there to help you find one.
        So broaden your horizons and I'm sure you can find someone. There's Bengalis that can speak English especially in Dhaka and
        it's easier to get married from back home tbh but still keep searching in the uk and maybe still try online :/

        Try not to feel alone, make friends and laugh with them in the meantime.
        Your mom cares of course she wants you to get married one day maybe to her it's not a big deal if you are still unmarried.

        Ask Allah and make dua for yourself if others won't.. Anyways I'll make dua that you find a good wife to support you and be there for you

        Try these Duas too

        https://rightlyguidedummah.wordpress...-for-marriage/
        “Do not commit injustice, because injustice is darkness on the Day of Judgment." (Sahih Muslim)
        They will say, "Had we but listened or used our intelligence, we would not be among the companions of the Blazing Fire." Qur'an 67:10 💚💙💜

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

          Originally posted by Qiyamah View Post
          There are bid'ahs in this link for anyone who goes there.
          You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

          You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

            Hi Saifamin

            Your problem judging purely from your words are insecurities and a lack of confidence, these are your kryptonite depriving you of all your potential and until you first realize that's your problem, you can forget about any meaningless change from happening to you, because worst case scenario the limbo will continue or best case scenario you will end up with a women back home whom you won't even be happy with.

            To address this will take about 3-6 months, you need to hit the gym, take up meaningful sport, change your diet, improve your relationship with the master, think and grow rich through bringing about radical changes in your life, all these things will not only preoccupy you but radically change you from the inside as well as from the outside and make you radiant, the women will see this and flock to you to the point you become very picky, but this requires hard work, discipline and dedication, there is no quick fix for anything in life that's the honest truth, get it out of your head

            The real question is if all of that is worth this current groggy quagmire you been wallowing in and only you can answer that question, I went through a similar thing when I was young and there was no quick fix, that's the way I got out of it and never looked back since.

            There is no quick fix in this or anything in life that you do

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

              Originally posted by Inquisitive10 View Post
              Hi Saifamin

              Your problem judging purely from your words are insecurities and a lack of confidence, these are your kryptonite depriving you of all your potential and until you first realize that's your problem, you can forget about any meaningless change from happening to you, because worst case scenario the limbo will continue or best case scenario you will end up with a women back home whom you won't even be happy with.

              To address this will take about 3-6 months, you need to hit the gym, take up meaningful sport, change your diet, improve your relationship with the master, think and grow rich through bringing about radical changes in your life, all these things will not only preoccupy you but radically change you from the inside as well as from the outside and make you radiant, the women will see this and flock to you to the point you become very picky, but this requires hard work, discipline and dedication, there is no quick fix for anything in life that's the honest truth, get it out of your head

              The real question is if all of that is worth this current groggy quagmire you been wallowing in and only you can answer that question, I went through a similar thing when I was young and there was no quick fix, that's the way I got out of it and never looked back since.

              There is no quick fix in this or anything in life that you do
              Yeah just bee yourself man. Bzzzzzz

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                Originally posted by Inquisitive10 View Post
                Hi Saifamin

                Your problem judging purely from your words are insecurities and a lack of confidence, these are your kryptonite depriving you of all your potential and until you first realize that's your problem, you can forget about any meaningless change from happening to you, because worst case scenario the limbo will continue or best case scenario you will end up with a women back home whom you won't even be happy with.

                To address this will take about 3-6 months, you need to hit the gym, take up meaningful sport, change your diet, improve your relationship with the master, think and grow rich through bringing about radical changes in your life, all these things will not only preoccupy you but radically change you from the inside as well as from the outside and make you radiant, the women will see this and flock to you to the point you become very picky, but this requires hard work, discipline and dedication, there is no quick fix for anything in life that's the honest truth, get it out of your head


                The real question is if all of that is worth this current groggy quagmire you been wallowing in and only you can answer that question, I went through a similar thing when I was young and there was no quick fix, that's the way I got out of it and never looked back since.

                There is no quick fix in this or anything in life that you do
                - all that, just for a wife
                no wonder they go back home in the end. easier option


                OP - how seriously are your parents looking for you???
                and you might want to edit your name. its not such a common bengali name iis it -that combination

                As others said, ask at the mosque.
                network with your friends, ask around. ask your friends (who are married) to ask their wifes. ask your bhabis'
                Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Don’t ruin your happiness with worry, and don’t ruin your mind with pessimism. Don’t ruin your success with deception and don’t ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Don’t ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesn’t prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with dua’as being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so don’t ever underestimate any good deeds."



                please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

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                • #9
                  Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                  My advice to anyone "looking" for marriage would to be stop looking about put faith in Allah that He has a plan and a spouse for you and that you just need to be patient. Don't "look" for a spouse. It's a waste of time. Sometimes the opportunity of a spouse just pops up SubhanAllah
                  Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                    - all that, just for a wife
                    no wonder they go back home in the end. easier option
                    '
                    Loool

                    I am addressing the problem deep down not just the symptoms, the symphony being "cannot find a spouse", you guys just want to give him a paracetamol quick fix and hope it solves the problem.

                    The fact he come on this board to post suggest his problems run far deeper then just can't find a "spouse", especially in today's climate were there are far more women then man ready with very limited or no competition.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                      Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
                      My advice to anyone "looking" for marriage would to be stop looking about put faith in Allah that He has a plan and a spouse for you and that you just need to be patient. Don't "look" for a spouse. It's a waste of time. Sometimes the opportunity of a spouse just pops up SubhanAllah
                      Isn't that the wrong idea of tawakkul? To twiddle your thumbs and wait for a spouse to fall from the sky?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                        Originally posted by Ni'mah View Post
                        Isn't that the wrong idea of tawakkul? To twiddle your thumbs and wait for a spouse to fall from the sky?
                        I'm not saying not to go for the opportunity if it arises. Like if he sees the opportunity to meet a spouse than he should take it. But at the same time he shouldn't focus too much on it. He shouldn't go on dating websites. He should make dua and let the opportunity arise and not worry too much about how it arises even if his mother won't look for him doesn't exactly mean that the opportunity won't come
                        Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                          Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
                          I'm not saying not to go for the opportunity if it arises. Like if he sees the opportunity to meet a spouse than he should take it. But at the same time he shouldn't focus too much on it. He shouldn't go on dating websites. He should make dua and let the opportunity arise and not worry too much about how it arises even if his mother won't look for him doesn't exactly mean that the opportunity won't come
                          Im not advocating obsessing over the how, where and when. At some point though, along with duas you're going to have to make the effort in meeting people. For some people, all they will do is tell their close circles they're interested in marriage and opportunities will present itself, but even that is making some effort.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                            Originally posted by Ni'mah View Post
                            Im not advocating obsessing over the how, where and when. At some point though, along with duas you're going to have to make the effort in meeting people. For some people, all they will do is tell their close circles they're interested in marriage and opportunities will present itself, but even that is making some effort.
                            That's what I was trying to say. I was trying to say not to just be obsessed about. Tell your friend to look for you and than step back and let it play out.
                            Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Cannot find a spouse :(

                              Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
                              That's what I was trying to say. I was trying to say not to just be obsessed about. Tell your friend to look for you and than step back and let it play out.
                              Okay it didn't sound like that in your first comment. But, by extension sis, some people won't meet people through their friends or family and may have to use other means such as matrimonial sites. You may find yourself "looking" in the wrong places when that sister next door was destined for you all along.


                              We don't know who we will end marrying until it happens, I don't think anyone should be discouraged from making efforts though.

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