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How to share/manage money when married

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  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Ikki View Post
    Why do the kids get a set amount of money and the wife doesn't?

    The problem with asking every time is that women have a lot of daily monthly expenses that men don't have. E.g. drug store. Also wife might need money to spend throughout the mnth, not just at the end after all expenses are paid. Also, like you say, both tell each other, but really if teh husband is holding the purse strings then its like the wife is always asking him for money. This could lead to other peoblems. It's not too hard to budget and set aside and amount for the wife.

    I would rather a set sum of money everymonth, that I can spend how I like. Or I might just want to buy something for the kids or pick up washign powder on the way back from school. I know some wives that never have a cent in their hands. They have to ask their husbands if they wnat to buy a can of coke or an ice cream even. Thats disrespectful and opression.
    Wife is my partner in crime and kids are..well the kids. They dont have the rights of my wife tbh

    She doesnt ask me for money, bar the I havent got change have you got some type of moments

    I totally agree re the oppression, only defense I give some

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    I find your perspective interesting :brf: for explaining.

    When I say an 'allowance' I mean money that is given to the wife to spend how she sees fit (not on bills, groceries etc.) so I can't really see how it would be restrictive since it's not like she has any responsibilities with regards to that money. If the husband is Qawwam (guardian) of the wife, it isn't that surprising that the allowance mimics the 'pocket money' a father may give his child. I don't personally find this demeaning, rather it is evidence of the husband fulfilling her rights, but I understand how some sisters might.

    Also, I will take an allowance but my husband has no business knowing what my income is. As far as he is concerned I am a pauper and have no income other than his.

    Leave a comment:


  • Bidrohi Ronoklanto
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I got an email similar to this from a Nigerian General...was that you?
    :rofl1:

    Leave a comment:


  • Ikki
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
    I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

    My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

    As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

    whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

    some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

    Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh
    Why do the kids get a set amount of money and the wife doesn't?

    The problem with asking every time is that women have a lot of daily monthly expenses that men don't have. E.g. drug store. Also wife might need money to spend throughout the mnth, not just at the end after all expenses are paid. Also, like you say, both tell each other, but really if teh husband is holding the purse strings then its like the wife is always asking him for money. This could lead to other peoblems. It's not too hard to budget and set aside and amount for the wife.

    I would rather a set sum of money everymonth, that I can spend how I like. Or I might just want to buy something for the kids or pick up washign powder on the way back from school. I know some wives that never have a cent in their hands. They have to ask their husbands if they wnat to buy a can of coke or an ice cream even. Thats disrespectful and opression.

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
    I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

    My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

    As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

    whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

    some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

    Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh
    I find your perspective interesting :brf: for explaining.

    When I say an 'allowance' I mean money that is given to the wife to spend how she sees fit (not on bills, groceries etc.) so I can't really see how it would be restrictive since it's not like she has any responsibilities with regards to that money. If the husband is Qawwam (guardian) of the wife, it isn't that surprising that the allowance mimics the 'pocket money' a father may give his child. I don't personally find this demeaning, rather it is evidence of the husband fulfilling her rights, but I understand how some sisters might.

    Also, I will take an allowance but my husband has no business knowing what my income is. As far as he is concerned I am a pauper and have no income other than his.

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    Elaborate on this, brother? I'm one of those sisters - I'm curious to know what you dislike about it.
    I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

    My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

    As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

    whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

    some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

    Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh

    Leave a comment:


  • EenieMeanie
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
    That is a different discussion to wife having a large allowance

    If you have the wealth to buy a new nice car then better to buy the car than put it in the bank, as what you spend is rizq not what you save. Buy the wife a nice car and her happiness is a reward.

    My ''issue'' is the whole pocket money style living for a wife, just doesnt sit right and I am always surprised sisters see it as ok
    Elaborate on this, brother? I'm one of those sisters - I'm curious to know what you dislike about it.

    Leave a comment:


  • nonameakhi
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    But to "squander" is relative. Someone may think a person is "squandering" their wealth by buying a car when they can just as easily use public transport. As long as you are living within your means and ensuring you are generous with your wealth, I don't see any problem with enjoying your riches.

    The deen doesn't tell us to deny ourselves the pleasures of this world unnecessarily.
    That is a different discussion to wife having a large allowance

    If you have the wealth to buy a new nice car then better to buy the car than put it in the bank, as what you spend is rizq not what you save. Buy the wife a nice car and her happiness is a reward.

    My ''issue'' is the whole pocket money style living for a wife, just doesnt sit right and I am always surprised sisters see it as ok

    Leave a comment:


  • SumitaSofat
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Don't want shared bank accounts

    Leave a comment:


  • Deeni Akh
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    [MENTION=100438]Rumaysah[/MENTION] I'm on the same wavelength as you.

    Wife manages the home and children and husband manages external affairs and income. That's it.

    The day I make my wife work is the day I will shave my beard off so basically never.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sister_2009
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    That's why I said it's my opinion, I made that clear. And I said "it's their choice", I'm not trying to force my views down anyone's throat just speaking from my perspective. That's it. I see it as pointless to get married if i'm going to work afterwards because it's not just companionship, it's the house, it's children, it's responsibilities.
    A household where the husband only earns is also based on 'companionship', if someone wants this type of marriage then it doesn't mean it's all about finances to them.
    but if you think about it, whether a relationship is based on companionship or not really depends on each couple, not their set up.
    It isn't pointless, though,because it allows people to have a companion and a family without being in a haram situation. Again, the husband may be helping with chores, children, etc. Not every guy sits around and expects his wife to do everything. Of course there are some that do, and they may do that whether the wife works or not.

    A single income marriage, where the husband pays for everything, does have a financial basis, as well as companionship. A woman in said situation is there partially for finances. Nothing wrong with that, but let's call it what it is.

    Either way can work, just depends on how they want to live.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    It doesn't need to be your idea of marriage. If you're not comfortable with that, then don't enter into that type of agreement. It is based on companionship; otherwise, if they can finance themselves, there is no reason to get married. They want a companion and what comes along with that, a family. In my own life, I don't count out to see if I'm living my 50/50, since I don't care much about it, but we try to help each other where we can.
    That's why I said it's my opinion, I made that clear. And I said "it's their choice", I'm not trying to force my views down anyone's throat just speaking from my perspective. That's it. I see it as pointless to get married if i'm going to work afterwards because it's not just companionship, it's the house, it's children, it's responsibilities.
    A household where the husband only earns is also based on 'companionship', if someone wants this type of marriage then it doesn't mean it's all about finances to them.
    but if you think about it, whether a relationship is based on companionship or not really depends on each couple, not their set up.

    Leave a comment:


  • -Jibril-
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
    This keeps happening
    Sorry akey.
    Gay used to mean happy and brave back in the days.
    Means something totally different these days.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sister_2009
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    yeah....this is not my idea of what marriage should be.
    hate this 50/50 stuff, but sharing both roles doesn't mean it's based on companionship, It could still be based on finances even then. Both are working for money so it's still about finances.
    and it's never really 50/50, most of the time the woman ends up doing most of what needs to be done at home on top of pregnancy and childbirth.
    It doesn't need to be your idea of marriage. If you're not comfortable with that, then don't enter into that type of agreement. It is based on companionship; otherwise, if they can finance themselves, there is no reason to get married. They want a companion and what comes along with that, a family. In my own life, I don't count out to see if I'm living my 50/50, since I don't care much about it, but we try to help each other where we can.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
    It isn't useless to them, because their marriage isn't based on finances; it is based on companionship. Maybe the husband is helping with cleaning house and taking care of the kids? Maybe they have a 50/50 situation? Of course women give birth, which a man can't help with, but they'll be doing that whether the man is around or not.
    yeah....this is not my idea of what marriage should be.
    hate this 50/50 stuff, but sharing both roles doesn't mean it's based on companionship, It could still be based on finances even then. Both are working for money so it's still about finances.
    and it's never really 50/50, most of the time the woman ends up doing most of what needs to be done at home on top of pregnancy and childbirth.

    Leave a comment:

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