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How to share/manage money when married

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  • #91
    Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    I think it depends on the woman tbh. I expect my wife to be mature and reasonable, so I'll start with the shared. But if she ends up proving otherwise, then I'll switch to allowance.
    Lol i dont want my bro to be upset when he sees how quickly the account is emptied :rotfl:

    Mature and reasonable and spending a lot of money are not mutually exclusive for a woman

    They usually don't even plan to spend the money, it just happens lol
    وَمَا قَدَرُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ قَدْرِهِ وَالْأَرْضُ جَمِيعًا قَبْضَتُهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَالسَّمَاوَاتُ مَطْوِيَّاتٌ بِيَمِينِهِ ۚ سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ عَمَّا يُشْرِكُونَ
    They have not appraised Allah with true appraisal, while the earth entirely will be [within] His grip on the Day of Resurrection, and the heavens will be folded in His right hand. Exalted is He and high above what they associate with Him. (Az-Zumar: 67)

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    • #92
      Re: How to share/manage money when married

      Originally posted by Abd al-Rahman View Post
      Lol i dont want my bro to be upset when he sees how quickly the account is emptied :rotfl:

      Mature and reasonable and spending a lot of money are not mutually exclusive for a woman

      They usually don't even plan to spend the money, it just happens lol
      I'm actually interested to know if there's anything in the Shariah advising against giving your wife that much financial freedom. If there is I'll definitely change my stance.

      Comment


      • #93
        Re: How to share/manage money when married

        Originally posted by Inquisitive10 View Post
        This sort of stuff is easily taken care off in our communities, the managing of the finances is simply delegated to the wife, she keeps the bank card, our women are strong, bonafide and least materialistic out of all the groups of Muslims so there are no worries about it, however I wouldn't recommend this for other cultures, it takes a special kind of strong women to do this efficiently, they are the best of savers, it also solves the biggest problem in marriage which is money.
        You belong to the wall-street community?

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        • #94
          Re: How to share/manage money when married

          Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
          This is the scenario:

          - woman and man are married
          - husband prefers his wife to stay at home instead of working
          - wife agrees and husband is going to provide for everything

          Which way(s) do you think is/are the most suitable:

          The wife asks for money every time she needs to buy something
          There's a shared bank account
          The husband gives the wife a monthly pocket money for her personal shopping
          The husband goes with her wife every time she has to buy something and he will pay

          Or something else?
          bismallah.all the money is given to my wife, she does the budget and asks me if I need anything. I will sneak the change at every chance I can (my wife knows this lol) and I save the money I sneak so I can buy my wife little gifts :) she buys me gifts too. I trust my wife and know that she will spend our money wisely. I try and try to get her to buy herself things but she is so selfless that I resort to getting tough on her lol. I love my wife and I know that she will always do right by our family. Alhamdulillah for my wife
          BismAllah. Slave of Allah swt forever Forever a slave of Allah swt

          Comment


          • #95
            Re: How to share/manage money when married

            Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
            Works for many.

            The amount should be reasonably negotiated. Obviously, if the guy is only earning 2k, then expected 1k would be unreasonable.

            لا تفكر كثيرا
            بل استغفر كثيرا

            -------------------------------------------------------
            The children need your prayers more than anyone else
            -------------------------------------------------------
            www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

            Comment


            • #96
              Re: How to share/manage money when married

              500 squid for socks?!? what are you, a giraffe?

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              • #97
                Re: How to share/manage money when married

                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                500 squid for socks?!? what are you, a giraffe?
                some love bags, others have a shoe obsession, mine is socks - just cannot have enough

                لا تفكر كثيرا
                بل استغفر كثيرا

                -------------------------------------------------------
                The children need your prayers more than anyone else
                -------------------------------------------------------
                www.inheritorsofquran.wordpress.com

                Comment


                • #98
                  Re: How to share/manage money when married

                  Originally posted by F_R View Post
                  some love bags, others have a shoe obsession, mine is socks - just cannot have enough
                  Have you seen the cashmere ones? Do you vant a link?

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Re: How to share/manage money when married

                    A few assumptions need to be made, namely that they're well aware of each others personality and the man earns enough to provide them with the lifestyle they have agreed upon prior to marriage. Then the options are open to whatever works for the couple, i.e. they've both agreed to this.

                    I think a shared bank account (option 2 and 3) for household costs and personal shopping for an unemployed wife is absolutely necessary to maintain independence, respect and dignity. Like with any secure marriage where communication is great, discussing further purchases should be something that is freely done and I do not subscribe to the idea that either person's wealth is also the other person's.

                    (I would also contribute to the shared bank account for household costs when earning a similar level income, but that would be a personal choice and my own take on the economic situation of my country. The point is that marriage ought to be entered into after having these conversations and finding harmonious agreement with regards to the individuals outlook towards life and such concerns.)

                    Originally posted by Nawar View Post
                    A strong leader doesn't need to treat his wife like a child. He does the ground work to make sure finances are always taken of, in and out of his presence. But I guess treating women like children works better for weaker folk.
                    :up:
                    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                    O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                    Comment


                    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                      Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
                      A few assumptions need to be made, namely that they're well aware of each others personality and the man earns enough to provide them with the lifestyle they have agreed upon prior to marriage. Then the options are open to whatever works for the couple, i.e. they've both agreed to this.

                      I think a shared bank account (option 2 and 3) for household costs and personal shopping for an unemployed wife is absolutely necessary to maintain independence, respect and dignity. Like with any secure marriage where communication is great, discussing further purchases should be something that is freely done and I do not subscribe to the idea that either person's wealth is also the other person's.

                      (I would also contribute to the shared bank account for household costs when earning a similar level income, but that would be a personal choice and my own take on the economic situation of my country. The point is that marriage ought to be entered into after having these conversations and finding harmonious agreement with regards to the individuals outlook towards life and such concerns.)



                      :up:
                      In your first paragraph you mention the options are open to whatever works for the couple (both agreeing). However, in the second paragraph you go on to say 2 and 3 is absolutely necessary for respect etc. Is that contradictory or are you saying the wife would agree to say 1 and 4 which would not afford her independence, respect and dignity?

                      Just trying to work out your position.

                      Comment


                      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                        In your first paragraph you mention the options are open to whatever works for the couple (both agreeing). However, in the second paragraph you go on to say 2 and 3 is absolutely necessary for respect etc. Is that contradictory or are you saying the wife would agree to say 1 and 4 which would not afford her independence, respect and dignity?

                        Just trying to work out your position.
                        I started my second paragraph with 'I think' in order to denote that is MY view and what I think makes optimum sense.

                        If a sister doesn't see it this way and is perfectly content with other options for whatever reasons, she will do what is good for her. I don't represent all women, or all people, and clearly there is no set way of approaching this in Islam beyond giving your spouse their rights.
                        Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                        O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                        We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                        Comment


                        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                          Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
                          I started my second paragraph with 'I think' in order to denote that is MY view and what I think makes optimum sense.

                          If a sister doesn't see it this way and is perfectly content with other options for whatever reasons, she will do what is good for her. I don't represent all women, or all people, and clearly there is no set way of approaching this in Islam beyond giving your spouse their rights.
                          Thanks for clarifying.

                          I advocated 3 and 4, to which sister Nawar responded to with the comment you thumbed up. Bit odd considering you too picked option 3.

                          Comment


                          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            Thanks for clarifying.

                            I advocated 3 and 4, to which sister Nawar responded to with the comment you thumbed up. Bit odd considering you too picked option 3.
                            What is confusing? You're both essentially stating the same point, i.e. that it is necessary to discuss all options and not make the decisions alone, which is something people do when it comes to children. I doubt I've misunderstood, here are some direct quotes:

                            Originally posted by Nawar View Post
                            A strong leader doesn't need to treat his wife like a child. He does the ground work to make sure finances are always taken of, in and out of his presence. But I guess treating women like children works better for weaker folk.
                            Originally posted by Nawar View Post
                            Sure, providing all options are discussed.
                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            I think they should be free to discuss whatever they want...it's their marriage.
                            Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                            O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                            We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                            Comment


                            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                              Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
                              What is confusing? You're both essentially stating the same point, i.e. that it is necessary to discuss all options and not make the decisions alone, which is something people do when it comes to children. I doubt I've misunderstood, here are some direct quotes:
                              The last of the quotes (mine) was to suggest that they are free to discuss all, some or none of the options. So not in agreement.

                              An option can be discussed by that does not prevent one person i.e the husband making the decision. He can over rule his wife but that does not mean he is treating her like a child because of it and it certainly does not make him weak for doing so.

                              Comment


                              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                                The last of the quotes (mine) was to suggest that they are free to discuss all, some or none of the options. So not in agreement.

                                An option can be discussed by that does not prevent one person i.e the husband making the decision. He can over rule his wife but that does not mean he is treating her like a child because of it and it certainly does not make him weak for doing so.
                                I see. Well then, I am in more agreement with Nawar.

                                What people want out of marriage ought to be discussed before getting married.

                                One may override the decisions of a child because they are not equipped with the insight, experience and wisdom an adult or parent may have acquired; there is a sense of superiority in judgement and effective hierarchy that is maintained at all points and cannot be opted out of. A marriage is between two adults who have lived and experienced before mutually opting into the system, this includes whatever views they hold or agreements they have made prior to involvement. If communication is reduced to 'my choice or the high way' without discussion and the man has no other way around this, yes it is likely he suffers from some deficiency - whether that is in an Islamic sense or immaturity.
                                Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                                O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                                We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                                Comment

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