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How to share/manage money when married

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  • Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
    That is a different discussion to wife having a large allowance

    If you have the wealth to buy a new nice car then better to buy the car than put it in the bank, as what you spend is rizq not what you save. Buy the wife a nice car and her happiness is a reward.

    My ''issue'' is the whole pocket money style living for a wife, just doesnt sit right and I am always surprised sisters see it as ok
    Elaborate on this, brother? I'm one of those sisters - I'm curious to know what you dislike about it.
    And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
    http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

      Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
      Elaborate on this, brother? I'm one of those sisters - I'm curious to know what you dislike about it.
      I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

      My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

      As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

      whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

      some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

      Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh

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      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

        Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
        I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

        My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

        As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

        whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

        some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

        Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh
        I find your perspective interesting :brf: for explaining.

        When I say an 'allowance' I mean money that is given to the wife to spend how she sees fit (not on bills, groceries etc.) so I can't really see how it would be restrictive since it's not like she has any responsibilities with regards to that money. If the husband is Qawwam (guardian) of the wife, it isn't that surprising that the allowance mimics the 'pocket money' a father may give his child. I don't personally find this demeaning, rather it is evidence of the husband fulfilling her rights, but I understand how some sisters might.

        Also, I will take an allowance but my husband has no business knowing what my income is. As far as he is concerned I am a pauper and have no income other than his.
        And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
        http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

        Comment


        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

          Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
          I see marriage as a partnership, so once married what is mine is my wifes and vice versa, unless Islam specifies. So any money she has or brings is hers

          My job is to provide and to be the one who makes the final decision (again not a power issue but rather it is defined for us). I also have other responsibilities (parents/siblings etc) that i have to fulfill including zakat and sadaqah etc

          As a partnership we both know what our income is and what we need to put aside for certain purposes. We also know what is reasonable and not.

          whats left is there for us to spend and we both tell each other we need such and such and will get it

          some times we have more than others so we spend more. Having a set amount a month for her would too restrictive and an added pressure when it doesnt need to be

          Kids get pocket money and will get money for doing things or will simply ask if they need something and to do the same with the wife seems odd to me tbh
          Why do the kids get a set amount of money and the wife doesn't?

          The problem with asking every time is that women have a lot of daily monthly expenses that men don't have. E.g. drug store. Also wife might need money to spend throughout the mnth, not just at the end after all expenses are paid. Also, like you say, both tell each other, but really if teh husband is holding the purse strings then its like the wife is always asking him for money. This could lead to other peoblems. It's not too hard to budget and set aside and amount for the wife.

          I would rather a set sum of money everymonth, that I can spend how I like. Or I might just want to buy something for the kids or pick up washign powder on the way back from school. I know some wives that never have a cent in their hands. They have to ask their husbands if they wnat to buy a can of coke or an ice cream even. Thats disrespectful and opression.

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          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
            I got an email similar to this from a Nigerian General...was that you?
            :rofl1:

            Comment


            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

              Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
              I find your perspective interesting :brf: for explaining.

              When I say an 'allowance' I mean money that is given to the wife to spend how she sees fit (not on bills, groceries etc.) so I can't really see how it would be restrictive since it's not like she has any responsibilities with regards to that money. If the husband is Qawwam (guardian) of the wife, it isn't that surprising that the allowance mimics the 'pocket money' a father may give his child. I don't personally find this demeaning, rather it is evidence of the husband fulfilling her rights, but I understand how some sisters might.

              Also, I will take an allowance but my husband has no business knowing what my income is. As far as he is concerned I am a pauper and have no income other than his.

              Comment


              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                Originally posted by Ikki View Post
                Why do the kids get a set amount of money and the wife doesn't?

                The problem with asking every time is that women have a lot of daily monthly expenses that men don't have. E.g. drug store. Also wife might need money to spend throughout the mnth, not just at the end after all expenses are paid. Also, like you say, both tell each other, but really if teh husband is holding the purse strings then its like the wife is always asking him for money. This could lead to other peoblems. It's not too hard to budget and set aside and amount for the wife.

                I would rather a set sum of money everymonth, that I can spend how I like. Or I might just want to buy something for the kids or pick up washign powder on the way back from school. I know some wives that never have a cent in their hands. They have to ask their husbands if they wnat to buy a can of coke or an ice cream even. Thats disrespectful and opression.
                Wife is my partner in crime and kids are..well the kids. They dont have the rights of my wife tbh

                She doesnt ask me for money, bar the I havent got change have you got some type of moments

                I totally agree re the oppression, only defense I give some

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