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  • Re: How to share/manage money when married

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    There are sisters on this very forum who work. I'm sure they don't consider their husbands useless.
    I'm sure they don't, I know sisters who work and are married. It's their choice.
    sisters who don't want to be or feel the need to be 'independent financially' also do not have the lower hand, neither do they hoard money or spend too much when given access to money, they are not door mats either who are walked all over by their families because they have 'no voice'. And no, they don't demand high mahr. generalisation after generalisation in here.

    It's just my opinion that I would find such a husband useless (maybe this isn't the right word) and such a marriage kind of pointless in a sense because how far is this 'independence' going to go? (watch me get called a gold digger now...)
    btw what i'm talking about here is both husband and wife working but each spending only on himself/herself. I'm not talking about a man who still provides properly for his wife even if she refuses and wants to be 'independent'
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

    Comment


    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

      Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
      lol, don't open the can of worms akhi,

      I know brothers who NEED their wives to work or they can't make ends meet, a lot of them own houses bought on mortgages, and both husband and wife working full time.
      Yeah. Sometimes real life makes such things necessary.

      I don't really have much sympathy for those Muslims who choose to take out a mortgage, though. Those are the consequences of engaging in riba.

      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
      I'm sure they don't, I know sisters who work and are married. It's their choice.
      sisters who don't want to be or feel the need to be 'independent financially' also do not have the lower hand, neither do they hoard money or spend too much when given access to money, they are not door mats either who are walked all over by their families because they have 'no voice'. And no, they don't demand high mahr. generalisation after generalisation in here.

      It's just my opinion that I would find such a husband useless (maybe this isn't the right word) and such a marriage kind of pointless in a sense because how far is this 'independence' going to go? (watch me get called a gold digger now...)
      btw what i'm talking about here is both husband and wife working but each spending only on himself/herself. I'm not talking about a man who still provides properly for his wife even if she refuses and wants to be 'independent'
      There were generalizations made, I agree. Every woman is different.

      Comment


      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

        Originally posted by -Jibril- View Post
        I don't discriminate bro, I'll use the term new money for anyone that behaves in such a manner, regardless of whether they've had wealth for 10 generations or one.
        This keeps happening
        And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
        http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

          Rumaysa, I apologise if I've offended you. By financial Independence, I didn't mean that a woman should be free of any financial dependence on her husband.

          As it is his job to provide food and shelter. And yes, a wife has every right to depend on him for that.

          However, the examples I used specifically further explained, that some things are not his responsibility. Especially those of his inlaws, which he may not be able to provide for or may choose to not provide for. In which case it helps if one has their own separate pot. This may be via the means of employment, savings, investment, inheritance or personal allowance.
          https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

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          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

            Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
            Forget

            tbh I don't understand why sisters work after marriage then they give birth, raise the kids, do all the house chores AND work. Why torture yourself like that? But that's their choice if that's what they want.
            .
            Sometimes it's not choice but necessity.

            One of my closest friend is choosing to 'torture' herself like that. She's the one whose husband earns in excess of 10k a month, and she has 5kids under the age of 7 to look after.
            But she's looking for work so that she can support her poor family in a village in Pakistan.
            https://sufisticated101.wordpress.com

            Comment


            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
              Forget being financially independent, you can do that before marriage
              What use is a husband if both spouses are financially independent lol, what a useless marriage!

              tbh I don't understand why sisters work after marriage then they give birth, raise the kids, do all the house chores AND work. Why torture yourself like that? But that's their choice if that's what they want.
              But why are those who would rather not be earning their own income, who would rather stay home and be 'dependant' on their father or husband...why are they being generalised? No they are not all anxious about poverty and no they will not go crazy with it when they see some cash. Some really dumb generalisations being mentioned somewhere above.
              It isn't useless to them, because their marriage isn't based on finances; it is based on companionship. Maybe the husband is helping with cleaning house and taking care of the kids? Maybe they have a 50/50 situation? Of course women give birth, which a man can't help with, but they'll be doing that whether the man is around or not.

              Comment


              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                It's my husbands responsibility to make sure I have clothes and shelter. And my basic needs met. Regardless of whether I work or not.

                I like to believe that majority of husbands do that.

                My own money can be spent however I want. No questions asked. And if I should wish (hypothetically speaking) to spend my money to pay for my brothers hajj, my sisters wedding, lend my friend money, give it all to a charity or blow it all on a single handbag. That's my prerogative.

                And if it's my own money. I would not be judged on how I spend it.

                And my comment about the upper hand being better than the lower hand meant, I rather do all of the above myself rather than get my husband to do it. Financial independence is s true blessing.
                It is a blessing, and anyone who has been in a situation where they've been held hostage by money or has had to beg can understand it. I get your comment about the upper and lower hand. It's the worst feeling in the world to be trapped by someone because of money, husband or otherwise. II made a promise to myself a long time ago, after working for a tyrant, that I'd never allow myself to be treated like that again, and I haven't. And nothing wrong with wanting extras and not demanding it from your husband. Plus, work is good for the mind and useful to society overall.

                Comment


                • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                  Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
                  It isn't useless to them, because their marriage isn't based on finances; it is based on companionship. Maybe the husband is helping with cleaning house and taking care of the kids? Maybe they have a 50/50 situation? Of course women give birth, which a man can't help with, but they'll be doing that whether the man is around or not.
                  yeah....this is not my idea of what marriage should be.
                  hate this 50/50 stuff, but sharing both roles doesn't mean it's based on companionship, It could still be based on finances even then. Both are working for money so it's still about finances.
                  and it's never really 50/50, most of the time the woman ends up doing most of what needs to be done at home on top of pregnancy and childbirth.
                  شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                  فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                  وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                  ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                  Comment


                  • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                    yeah....this is not my idea of what marriage should be.
                    hate this 50/50 stuff, but sharing both roles doesn't mean it's based on companionship, It could still be based on finances even then. Both are working for money so it's still about finances.
                    and it's never really 50/50, most of the time the woman ends up doing most of what needs to be done at home on top of pregnancy and childbirth.
                    It doesn't need to be your idea of marriage. If you're not comfortable with that, then don't enter into that type of agreement. It is based on companionship; otherwise, if they can finance themselves, there is no reason to get married. They want a companion and what comes along with that, a family. In my own life, I don't count out to see if I'm living my 50/50, since I don't care much about it, but we try to help each other where we can.

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                    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                      Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
                      This keeps happening
                      Sorry akey.
                      Gay used to mean happy and brave back in the days.
                      Means something totally different these days.
                      There is rest only in the aakhira.
                      Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                      - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                      If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                      and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                      then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                      - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                      I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                      That's right, a nude dog.
                      The Deepweb is disgusting.
                      - Unknown -


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                      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                        Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
                        It doesn't need to be your idea of marriage. If you're not comfortable with that, then don't enter into that type of agreement. It is based on companionship; otherwise, if they can finance themselves, there is no reason to get married. They want a companion and what comes along with that, a family. In my own life, I don't count out to see if I'm living my 50/50, since I don't care much about it, but we try to help each other where we can.
                        That's why I said it's my opinion, I made that clear. And I said "it's their choice", I'm not trying to force my views down anyone's throat just speaking from my perspective. That's it. I see it as pointless to get married if i'm going to work afterwards because it's not just companionship, it's the house, it's children, it's responsibilities.
                        A household where the husband only earns is also based on 'companionship', if someone wants this type of marriage then it doesn't mean it's all about finances to them.
                        but if you think about it, whether a relationship is based on companionship or not really depends on each couple, not their set up.
                        شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                        فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                        وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                        ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                        Comment


                        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                          That's why I said it's my opinion, I made that clear. And I said "it's their choice", I'm not trying to force my views down anyone's throat just speaking from my perspective. That's it. I see it as pointless to get married if i'm going to work afterwards because it's not just companionship, it's the house, it's children, it's responsibilities.
                          A household where the husband only earns is also based on 'companionship', if someone wants this type of marriage then it doesn't mean it's all about finances to them.
                          but if you think about it, whether a relationship is based on companionship or not really depends on each couple, not their set up.
                          It isn't pointless, though,because it allows people to have a companion and a family without being in a haram situation. Again, the husband may be helping with chores, children, etc. Not every guy sits around and expects his wife to do everything. Of course there are some that do, and they may do that whether the wife works or not.

                          A single income marriage, where the husband pays for everything, does have a financial basis, as well as companionship. A woman in said situation is there partially for finances. Nothing wrong with that, but let's call it what it is.

                          Either way can work, just depends on how they want to live.

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                          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                            [MENTION=100438]Rumaysah[/MENTION] I'm on the same wavelength as you.

                            Wife manages the home and children and husband manages external affairs and income. That's it.

                            The day I make my wife work is the day I will shave my beard off so basically never.

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                            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                              Don't want shared bank accounts

                              Comment


                              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                                Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
                                But to "squander" is relative. Someone may think a person is "squandering" their wealth by buying a car when they can just as easily use public transport. As long as you are living within your means and ensuring you are generous with your wealth, I don't see any problem with enjoying your riches.

                                The deen doesn't tell us to deny ourselves the pleasures of this world unnecessarily.
                                That is a different discussion to wife having a large allowance

                                If you have the wealth to buy a new nice car then better to buy the car than put it in the bank, as what you spend is rizq not what you save. Buy the wife a nice car and her happiness is a reward.

                                My ''issue'' is the whole pocket money style living for a wife, just doesnt sit right and I am always surprised sisters see it as ok

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