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How to share/manage money when married

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    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

      He may be fulfilling her obligations
      And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
      http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

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      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

        Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
        He may be fulfilling her obligations

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        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

          forced. That's a challenge I would be happy to accept lol.
          And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
          http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

          Comment


          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

            Originally posted by EenieMeanie View Post
            forced. That's a challenge I would be happy to accept lol.
            The future should be provided and she has rights if things dont work

            Teh money the man is giving her can be better spent in achieving reward, tbh its excessive and squandering of wealth which we shouldnt do

            Comment


            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

              Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
              Personally, I feel financial independence is a huge blessing. It protects you from stingy people and you never have to hold out your hand in front of any man,

              Regardless of how poor/rich your husband maybe. Or how generous or stingy he maybe.
              It's best to have your own money. That way you would never be judged, dependent on another and free to spend your own money in your own way. However you want.

              The upper hand is always better than the lower hand.
              Judged? sis, why marry then? for sex? it is your man's obligation to provide for you and you don't even have to ask for it, this is something he should be doing unless he is a stingy goat giving you worth and status because of your own income. Which neither indicates geerah or the characteristics of a good muslim man.

              Lets get one thing straight and not get into this 'I can do it all, I don't need a man' western crisis that isn't finding any kind of solutions just war between husband and wives who then end up divorcing and then it's another war on how much each party gets over the divorce.

              Some women bring it on themselves and then complain he doesn't do anything. Well darling, you let him sit there like a lazy sod because you were too busy being Miss independent and the poor guy became obsolete, I mean you wanted to run the house and now you're paying the price for it- literally.

              These whole mentality of having back up should not even be there. All you need is some common sense and hikmah, although I understand that most women have to work because they don't have a guardian and they need to look after themselves. That's fair enough.

              All communtities have problems but what I've noticed here is that the somali community don't even have the men look for a potential for their daughters. The woman is doing it all. Why? Why should the girl go and find a guy for herself when her father should be doing this? From what I have learnt on this forum the somali women are doing it themselves and they should shift the workload to the men because otherwise the only thing they'll have a man for is intimacy and that's not right. He is there for a reason. Any muslim man of the household is there to run the house and protect his family, he is the guardian, he has been given more responsibilities for a reason, it should be innate in him otherwise he is a WUSS.

              I'm not against muslim women working but I don't like this dangerous path that women are taking and how lax the men are becoming. Having money because of the fear of being the 'lower hand' is putting your trust in money and denying that rizq from Allah you are putting importance on your status and wealth to give yourself worth.


              :jkk:
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                The future should be provided and she has rights if things dont work

                Teh money the man is giving her can be better spent in achieving reward, tbh its excessive and squandering of wealth which we shouldnt do
                But to "squander" is relative. Someone may think a person is "squandering" their wealth by buying a car when they can just as easily use public transport. As long as you are living within your means and ensuring you are generous with your wealth, I don't see any problem with enjoying your riches.

                The deen doesn't tell us to deny ourselves the pleasures of this world unnecessarily.
                And when it is said to them, "Do not cause corruption on the earth," they say, "We are but reformers." (11) Unquestionably, it is they who are the corrupters, but they perceive [it] not. (12) - Surat al-Baqarah
                http://www.ummzakiyyah.com/polygamy_not_my_problem/

                Comment


                • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                  Originally posted by -Jibril- View Post
                  This.

                  I was suggesting this to the single brothers the other day, that it would be in their interest to find a woman that's used to looking after herself and hasn't been spoonfed by mommy and daddy all her life.

                  Most of the issues in marriage and even before marriage wouldn't exist if they find themselves an independent woman.
                  Its not just the financial aspect of it either, having control of your own finances and not having to rely upon anyone has an effect upon ones personality, perspective on life and character in general.

                  There's this misconception amongst some brothers that such women would have "feminist" tendencies and wouldn't be "wife material".
                  I've found they make the best wives, from personal experience, as well as seeing marriages of friends.




                  Question, tell me what you think about these women?
                  They don’t buy those diamonds or those damn rings
                  Only cos’ they got their habibity that’s doing it for them as gifts, it’s his duty to provide the necessities
                  But if he don’t then they won’t get up and leave

                  Question, tell me how you feel about this?
                  These sister that are mothers, wives and daughters
                  They don’t have no income but they know how to handle those expenses
                  Because they’re always 100% in relationships

                  The clothes I’m wearing, yeh okay, I got it
                  The house I live in, daddy bought it
                  The car I'm driving, me and the sis got it
                  We don’t have to depend on money, cos we know how to ride it

                  All the muslim women, who are independent
                  Throw your hands up at me
                  All the honey's who makin' no money
                  Throw your hands up at me

                  All the mommas who don’t profit dollas
                  Throw your hands up at me
                  All the ladies who truly feel me
                  Throw your hands up at me

                  Broski, bet you don’t know sisters like that,
                  Bet you didn’t know these girls can get down like that
                  No income aha, no paying the bills but they know what their man needs and his wants.
                  Don’t need experience in expenses to be independent.

                  Question, how'd you like this knowledge that I brought
                  Braggin' on about independent women that have no income and ‘rely’ on daddy yo?
                  If you're gonna brag about independent women, make sure you know your duty as the wali. It's called gheerah
                  Your women folk don’t need to go out there to prove they can handle it broski
                  Cos the rest of them can budget without a salary

                  They can think without employment
                  They can clean and cook and be miss 'independent' because they're doing it with compassion and using their hikmah
                  If they wanted a job they’ll get it and they’ll pay for those bills, but their man is happy to make them his queen instead while they fulfil each others rights.

                  Whhoooooooa whoa whoaaah whooo who whooo

                  Charlie

                  We’re NOT YOUR ANGELZZZ

                  :mujahida:

                  So, all you brokis, looking for honeyzzz,
                  Don’t look at her money history
                  Look at her beliefs and modesty
                  And ask her what’s her priority

                  Cause if all that is right than that is an independent woman that knows how to handle her self without having to work full time and pay the bills. She knows what is expected of her and that isn’t to be this ‘independent’ woman that needs nobody cause she can go and join the army.


                  *drives off in daddy’s automatic car
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                    Originally posted by -Jibril- View Post
                    This.

                    I was suggesting this to the single brothers the other day, that it would be in their interest to find a woman that's used to looking after herself and hasn't been spoonfed by mommy and daddy all her life.

                    Most of the issues in marriage and even before marriage wouldn't exist if they find themselves an independent woman.
                    Its not just the financial aspect of it either, having control of your own finances and not having to rely upon anyone has an effect upon ones personality, perspective on life and character in general.

                    There's this misconception amongst some brothers that such women would have "feminist" tendencies and wouldn't be "wife material".
                    I've found they make the best wives, from personal experience, as well as seeing marriages of friends.
                    Interesting.

                    Comment


                    • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                      Originally posted by LondonGal View Post
                      Extravagance is relative.
                      :up:

                      I'm not sure what it is difficult to comprehend here.

                      Far too many assumptions being made on how a wo/man may spend their wealth. Small minds?

                      Yes, Islam is against throwing away wealth but Islam is also against miserliness.
                      Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
                      O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
                      We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

                      Comment


                      • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                        I kinda skimmed over the post but I'll bite.

                        It doesnt even have to be about money, being independant is a positive thing, for women and men.

                        Obviously not everyone will feel that type of way, but I get where LondonGal is coming from.
                        My wife is similar, she has her work and her business and has been looking after herself and her family since she was 18.

                        If I was to tell her to stop everything and start relying on me for an allowance, a part of her would die.
                        She cleans, she cooks, and yes, whenever I want Bengali food, she'll even mix the rice and curry for me.
                        So I fail to see how a girl that isn't Independant can do better.


                        These same sisters that talk about keeping it 100 with their hubby are the same girls that are making marriage difficult for the young brothers with their ridiculous mahr demands and fairytale weddings.
                        "OMG I need the moneyz if he divorces me"
                        "OMG it's my right, why these dudes be buying cars and can't afford to give me 25k as mahr?"

                        The girls are so dependant on their parents, they won't even speak up and correct their families when they're putting their cultural practises above deen.


                        Hence my advice for them to seek out independant girls who look after their own, cause 9 times out of 10, the girl won't be asking for much mahr cause she knows she'll be able to take care of herself without a husband.
                        These girls tend to have a rich heart and don't fear poverty as much as next woman.
                        They also have a voice and use it when they see their families acting like idiots.



                        So let's get this straight, a man has no gheerah if his wife works or has her own business?:rotfl:

                        You're taking this too personally carnaal, just do you brah, let next girl do her thing.
                        I can get you to meet at least 5 women from my family who either work or have their own businesses where they have zero contact with the opposite gender.
                        Like I said, do you brah, and allow the red herrings.



                        Relax, it's not personal.
                        Just do you, there's no need to put down independant sisters, cause they actually do the same stuff that other women do as well.
                        The difference is she don't need a brother to pay for her, she accepts what he gives as a gift.

                        I don't even get why being independant is seen as a negative thing tbh.
                        Men and women both should be independant.
                        Even if a woman is a housewife, she can still be independant.
                        There is rest only in the aakhira.
                        Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                        - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                        If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                        and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                        then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                        - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                        I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                        That's right, a nude dog.
                        The Deepweb is disgusting.
                        - Unknown -


                        Links
                        The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                        Inheritors of Qur'aan

                        Download Links




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                        • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                          Originally posted by Soliloquy View Post
                          :up:

                          I'm not sure what it is difficult to comprehend here.

                          Far too many assumptions being made on how a wo/man may spend their wealth. Small minds?

                          Yes, Islam is against throwing away wealth but Islam is also against miserliness.
                          Cause everyone has to be like me.
                          Since I earn 1k a month, I can't fathom someone else earning 10k a month.

                          If I'm a girl and don't work, then the girl who does work, lacks Hayaa and is a feminist.


                          Btw, there is no extravagance on giving gifts, I can give my wife 20k a month and it still wouldn't classed as extravagant.
                          There is rest only in the aakhira.
                          Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                          - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                          If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                          and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                          then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                          - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                          I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                          That's right, a nude dog.
                          The Deepweb is disgusting.
                          - Unknown -


                          Links
                          The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                          Inheritors of Qur'aan

                          Download Links




                          Comment


                          • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                            I just hope I avoid the gold diggers, more for her sake than mine

                            Comment


                            • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                              Originally posted by birdmanrots View Post
                              I just hope I avoid the gold diggers, more for her sake than mine
                              Find a sister that is rich within her heart.
                              The ones that are poor in their hearts can be spotted a mile away, you just need to know how to ask the right questions.
                              She'll still be poor, even if you gave her a million.

                              Poverty is always round the corner for these type of folks, so they have a habit of hoarding as much as possible, from wherever it's possible.
                              There is rest only in the aakhira.
                              Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                              - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                              If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                              and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                              then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                              - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                              I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                              That's right, a nude dog.
                              The Deepweb is disgusting.
                              - Unknown -


                              Links
                              The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                              Inheritors of Qur'aan

                              Download Links




                              Comment


                              • Re: How to share/manage money when married

                                This reminded me of a Bengali saying my grandma used to always utter whenever she'd see new money folks acting crude and vulgar.
                                "Fishes from little ponds go crazy/lost when they're put into an ocean"
                                There is rest only in the aakhira.
                                Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

                                - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

                                If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
                                and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
                                then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

                                - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

                                I saw a dog without any clothes on .
                                That's right, a nude dog.
                                The Deepweb is disgusting.
                                - Unknown -


                                Links
                                The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
                                Inheritors of Qur'aan

                                Download Links




                                Comment

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