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  • Thanks social media for helping me decide

    So recently my mom found out about a girl who was looking to marry and they provided her photo and info like age, height, family history, education, job etc. And everything looked good on there and we were gonna send my info but i decided to check out what company she worked for and if she had any social media etc. Good thing I did because thanks to social media, which some of it wasn't on private, i got to see that she was too modern for me. Her job is centered around social media even though she studied health and I have zero social media accounts. So thats one bad sign already. And then i saw she had a weird close relationship with her male cousin who was same age and they shared pics of text they send to each other and one he even had saved her as beautiful cousin as contact and they go to gym together and hang out etc.

    There were also few other things that showed me maybe she again would be too cultural because i didn't see much stuff about religion and i could tell the way she dressed. But basically the close relation with her male cousin killed it. And the male cousin was dating/married to a brown girl who wears no sleeves and he had pics of some semi nude women so he isnt exactly a scholar lol.

    So i told my mom not to send my info and again she's like the girl u want is back home because these are the type of girls here. I told her I'm sure theres a good hijabi girl here who doesnt have much social media and even if she does then she isnt intimate in a weird way with her cousin. Im sure they grew up together so they're close. We have few of those in our families where cousins are really close and hang out a lot etc. But I would never put my arm around my female cousin or go to gym with them and take their pics etc. So we're different in this regard. But technology and social media in this regard is good. I got to see how she has been in past few years and gave me an idea they're more open/modern than what i'm looking for. And good i checked it before we send my info because i've seen an instance where the girl deleted her stuff right before rishta which im guessing was to hide stuff.

  • #2
    Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    So recently my mom found out about a girl who was looking to marry and they provided her photo and info like age, height, family history, education, job etc. And everything looked good on there and we were gonna send my info but i decided to check out what company she worked for and if she had any social media etc. Good thing I did because thanks to social media, which some of it wasn't on private, i got to see that she was too modern for me. Her job is centered around social media even though she studied health and I have zero social media accounts. So thats one bad sign already. And then i saw she had a weird close relationship with her male cousin who was same age and they shared pics of text they send to each other and one he even had saved her as beautiful cousin as contact and they go to gym together and hang out etc.

    There were also few other things that showed me maybe she again would be too cultural because i didn't see much stuff about religion and i could tell the way she dressed. But basically the close relation with her male cousin killed it. And the male cousin was dating/married to a brown girl who wears no sleeves and he had pics of some semi nude women so he isnt exactly a scholar lol.

    So i told my mom not to send my info and again she's like the girl u want is back home because these are the type of girls here. I told her I'm sure theres a good hijabi girl here who doesnt have much social media and even if she does then she isnt intimate in a weird way with her cousin. Im sure they grew up together so they're close. We have few of those in our families where cousins are really close and hang out a lot etc. But I would never put my arm around my female cousin or go to gym with them and take their pics etc. So we're different in this regard. But technology and social media in this regard is good. I got to see how she has been in past few years and gave me an idea they're more open/modern than what i'm looking for. And good i checked it before we send my info because i've seen an instance where the girl deleted her stuff right before rishta which im guessing was to hide stuff.
    Another girl who's doing questionable things with her cousin? Lol it seems to be a pattern for you unfortunately.

    I don't why your mother says these are the only types of girls in the west. I don't really find the majority of Muslim women here to be marriage material myself, but a girl who doesn't do all that stuff you're describing isn't too much to ask for.

    Social media is a good tool, but it's not foolproof. The person can always put everything on private. Or they might delete things before you get to see them, like you said.

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    • #3
      Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Another girl who's doing questionable things with her cousin? Lol it seems to be a pattern for you unfortunately.

      I don't why your mother says these are the only types of girls in the west. I don't really find the majority of Muslim women here to be marriage material myself, but a girl who doesn't do all that stuff you're describing isn't too much to ask for.

      Social media is a good tool, but it's not foolproof. The person can always put everything on private. Or they might delete things before you get to see them, like you said.
      yeah to us its questionable but to them its normal because thats how they were raised etc. I know people who are like brothers and sisters with their cousins and they hang out all the time and hug etc and their spouse know and are ok because thats how they were raised. In a westernized way where its normal.

      Thats why i feel its really important to find the spouse i want because im setting the standard for my future generations. And i dont want my daughter to be obsessed with social media or be close to other male non mehrams in that way etc. But i do see this problem where a lot of people have social media here and they post dumb stuff and they're intimate with opposite sex. I would be ok if she had a social media and only communicated with other girls and talked about some interesting stuff but this is a no no.

      But i told my mom ur right many girls are here like that but not all so lets keep trying...if i see after a while there is a pattern here and we run out of girls then back home it is. obviously they have these problems too and others so i'll have to research.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

        Beautiful cousin? Yea something is going on there. Why don't you go to your home country and find a girl from there?
        Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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        • #5
          Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

          Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
          So recently my mom found out about a girl who was looking to marry and they provided her photo and info like age, height, family history, education, job etc. And everything looked good on there and we were gonna send my info but i decided to check out what company she worked for and if she had any social media etc. Good thing I did because thanks to social media, which some of it wasn't on private, i got to see that she was too modern for me. Her job is centered around social media even though she studied health and I have zero social media accounts. So thats one bad sign already. And then i saw she had a weird close relationship with her male cousin who was same age and they shared pics of text they send to each other and one he even had saved her as beautiful cousin as contact and they go to gym together and hang out etc.

          There were also few other things that showed me maybe she again would be too cultural because i didn't see much stuff about religion and i could tell the way she dressed. But basically the close relation with her male cousin killed it. And the male cousin was dating/married to a brown girl who wears no sleeves and he had pics of some semi nude women so he isnt exactly a scholar lol.

          So i told my mom not to send my info and again she's like the girl u want is back home because these are the type of girls here. I told her I'm sure theres a good hijabi girl here who doesnt have much social media and even if she does then she isnt intimate in a weird way with her cousin. Im sure they grew up together so they're close. We have few of those in our families where cousins are really close and hang out a lot etc. But I would never put my arm around my female cousin or go to gym with them and take their pics etc. So we're different in this regard. But technology and social media in this regard is good. I got to see how she has been in past few years and gave me an idea they're more open/modern than what i'm looking for. And good i checked it before we send my info because i've seen an instance where the girl deleted her stuff right before rishta which im guessing was to hide stuff.
          Sadly in some families... their is a notion that ones cousin is like a brother...

          In fact, just yesterday i was asked in one could marry their dad's brother son as if they arent non-mahrams.

          Sometimes people dont think of it as wrong. Maybe you should ask what her view on it is??

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
            Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
            So recently my mom found out about a girl who was looking to marry and they provided her photo and info like age, height, family history, education, job etc. And everything looked good on there and we were gonna send my info but i decided to check out what company she worked for and if she had any social media etc. Good thing I did because thanks to social media, which some of it wasn't on private, i got to see that she was too modern for me. Her job is centered around social media even though she studied health and I have zero social media accounts. So thats one bad sign already. And then i saw she had a weird close relationship with her male cousin who was same age and they shared pics of text they send to each other and one he even had saved her as beautiful cousin as contact and they go to gym together and hang out etc.

            There were also few other things that showed me maybe she again would be too cultural because i didn't see much stuff about religion and i could tell the way she dressed. But basically the close relation with her male cousin killed it. And the male cousin was dating/married to a brown girl who wears no sleeves and he had pics of some semi nude women so he isnt exactly a scholar lol.

            So i told my mom not to send my info and again she's like the girl u want is back home because these are the type of girls here. I told her I'm sure theres a good hijabi girl here who doesnt have much social media and even if she does then she isnt intimate in a weird way with her cousin. Im sure they grew up together so they're close. We have few of those in our families where cousins are really close and hang out a lot etc. But I would never put my arm around my female cousin or go to gym with them and take their pics etc. So we're different in this regard. But technology and social media in this regard is good. I got to see how she has been in past few years and gave me an idea they're more open/modern than what i'm looking for. And good i checked it before we send my info because i've seen an instance where the girl deleted her stuff right before rishta which im guessing was to hide stuff.
            Sadly in some families... their is a notion that ones cousin is like a brother...

            In fact, just yesterday i was asked in one could marry their dad's brother son as if they arent non-mahrams.

            Sometimes people dont think of it as wrong. Maybe you should ask what her view on it is??
            Cultural nonsense instead of getting a proper Islamic upbringing.
            You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

            You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

              Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
              Beautiful cousin? Yea something is going on there. Why don't you go to your home country and find a girl from there?
              yeah too close in a weird public way. i dont get the trend on twitter where u post ur funny text message exchange with ur family or friends etc. i would stop texting that person if they did this to me lol.yeah in one pic he had her saved by her name with emoji of nail polish and few other things after that and another pic he saved her as beautiful cousin which i thought was weird.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
                Sadly in some families... their is a notion that ones cousin is like a brother...

                In fact, just yesterday i was asked in one could marry their dad's brother son as if they arent non-mahrams.

                Sometimes people dont think of it as wrong. Maybe you should ask what her view on it is??
                yeah to them its not wrong and if they want to do it thats fine but i dont wanna be involved in that. i already know her view so no point in asking. if i did ask, she probably think wow what a strict weirdo already wants me to cut away from my family etc.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
                  Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
                  Sadly in some families... their is a notion that ones cousin is like a brother...

                  In fact, just yesterday i was asked in one could marry their dad's brother son as if they arent non-mahrams.

                  Sometimes people dont think of it as wrong. Maybe you should ask what her view on it is??
                  yeah to them its not wrong and if they want to do it thats fine but i dont wanna be involved in that. i already know her view so no point in asking. if i did ask, she probably think wow what a strict weirdo already wants me to cut away from my family etc.
                  Lol.
                  You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                  You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                    Wait, how did you find her on social media if you don't have a social media account? I guess through a simple search. Doesn't really matter. Yes, there is some bad stuff out there. You know it's rare to find someone who isn't acting foolish online. It's men, too, I'm afraid. What I always hated was how men showed their photos but would judge if a woman posted a basic photo in hijab. That's off topic. Now, about the cousin thing, I don't get that. As someone raised in the west and a revert, we don't act like that with our cousins. The family would be disgusted by cousins hanging on each other. Dang. It's hard out there. Keep being picky. If it means going back home to find someone you're comfortable with, then do that.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                      Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
                      yeah to them its not wrong and if they want to do it thats fine but i dont wanna be involved in that. i already know her view so no point in asking. if i did ask, she probably think wow what a strict weirdo already wants me to cut away from my family etc.
                      Some are open to correction and change and some not.

                      For this ask Allah to guide you.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                        That's a shame. Some people aren't in touch with religion so they aren't aware of what is halal or not.

                        Maybe give the sisters back home a chance and see if you find any compatibility? On the forum I've seen people say it's not as bad as the West. Obviously, I don't believe that but just saying.
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                          Oh. That's good you did your checks using the web! Social accounts can be quite helpful sometimes.

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          On the forum I've seen people say it's not as bad as the West. Obviously, I don't believe that but just saying.
                          I don't believe that neither. The main difference is that in the East women don't have that freedom when it's about doing what they really want and for those who can't restrain, everything is kept secret and hidden. You won't find those kind of pictures (it's more likely you will find profiles full of religious posts) nor you can expect a girl saying that she had a past. Nothing. Reputation is extremely important for the girl (otherwise no guy would marry her) and for the family that often encourages the daughter to hide things or to say/not to say some things, etc.

                          BUT of course there are good women and good men in every country. In the West and in the East.

                          Give yourself another chance...
                          Last edited by Alina15; 05-08-16, 02:32 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                            There are some odd things you've described like getting too close with her male cousins but I don't think that social media is a good reflection of a person. People can be pressured and not have full control of the image they put out, like my mum puts things like prom pictures from which was ages ago when I wasn't fully practicing and without my permission.

                            Also things I regret from the past that I haven't yet deleted as I can't be bothered and I am trying to still thinking of deleting Facebook. Only keep it to a minimum to contact (female) friends.
                            Prefer forums. All am saying is that its a distorted image of a person.

                            Also whats wrong with marrying a brown person?
                            وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                            And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                            أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                            Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                            Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                            Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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                            • #15
                              Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                              Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
                              Oh. That's good you did your checks using the web! Social accounts can be quite helpful sometimes.



                              I don't believe that neither. The main difference is that in the East women don't have that freedom when it's about doing what they really want and for those who can't restrain, everything is kept secret and hidden. You won't find those kind of pictures (it's more likely you will find profiles full of religious posts) nor you can expect a girl saying that she had a past. Nothing. Reputation is extremely important for the girl (otherwise no guy would marry her) and for the family that often encourages the daughter to hide things or to say/not to say some things, etc.

                              BUT of course there are good women and good men in every country. In the West and in the East.

                              Give yourself another chance...
                              nah I get friend requests from the 'Eastern' men and they always try to act flirty and tag me to photos without my permission, and they have loads of female friends from their country suggestively posting on those pics. I find people from the UK more strict with how they are on facebook.
                              وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                              And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                              أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                              Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                              Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                              Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                              Comment

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