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Thanks social media for helping me decide

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  • #16
    Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    And then i saw she had a weird close relationship with her male cousin who was same age and they shared pics of text they send to each other and one he even had saved her as beautiful cousin as contact and they go to gym together and hang out etc.
    uhh... isn't this all the same stuff that happened with your last wife? are you just repeating your stories here??

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    • #17
      Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

      You're welcome Dave
      They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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      • #18
        Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

        Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
        Oh. That's good you did your checks using the web! Social accounts can be quite helpful sometimes.



        I don't believe that neither. The main difference is that in the East women don't have that freedom when it's about doing what they really want and for those who can't restrain, everything is kept secret and hidden. You won't find those kind of pictures (it's more likely you will find profiles full of religious posts) nor you can expect a girl saying that she had a past. Nothing. Reputation is extremely important for the girl (otherwise no guy would marry her) and for the family that often encourages the daughter to hide things or to say/not to say some things, etc.

        BUT of course there are good women and good men in every country. In the West and in the East.

        Give yourself another chance...
        True
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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        • #19
          Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

          Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
          Wait, how did you find her on social media if you don't have a social media account? I guess through a simple search. Doesn't really matter. Yes, there is some bad stuff out there. You know it's rare to find someone who isn't acting foolish online. It's men, too, I'm afraid. What I always hated was how men showed their photos but would judge if a woman posted a basic photo in hijab. That's off topic. Now, about the cousin thing, I don't get that. As someone raised in the west and a revert, we don't act like that with our cousins. The family would be disgusted by cousins hanging on each other. Dang. It's hard out there. Keep being picky. If it means going back home to find someone you're comfortable with, then do that.
          yes i just googled her and there was her social media. some were private and others werent so i was able to see some stuff. And men who do that are hypocrites and I feel I can be this way because i dont have social media or photos of semi nude women on there or with other females. They werent all over each other but they seemed really close and go to gym together and hang out together and have arm around her in pics etc. I didnt think it would be hard to find a sister who isnt all over social media in a negative way and isnt that way with opposite sex. I guess we'll see.

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          • #20
            Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

            Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
            Oh. That's good you did your checks using the web! Social accounts can be quite helpful sometimes.



            I don't believe that neither. The main difference is that in the East women don't have that freedom when it's about doing what they really want and for those who can't restrain, everything is kept secret and hidden. You won't find those kind of pictures (it's more likely you will find profiles full of religious posts) nor you can expect a girl saying that she had a past. Nothing. Reputation is extremely important for the girl (otherwise no guy would marry her) and for the family that often encourages the daughter to hide things or to say/not to say some things, etc.

            BUT of course there are good women and good men in every country. In the West and in the East.

            Give yourself another chance...
            I dont like social media but it is really helpful in this regard. Ur right in the east same stuff is happening but PROBABLY not as often and not as openly so happening behind closed doors. We're still trying here but we'll see.

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            • #21
              Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
              There are some odd things you've described like getting too close with her male cousins but I don't think that social media is a good reflection of a person. People can be pressured and not have full control of the image they put out, like my mum puts things like prom pictures from which was ages ago when I wasn't fully practicing and without my permission.

              Also things I regret from the past that I haven't yet deleted as I can't be bothered and I am trying to still thinking of deleting Facebook. Only keep it to a minimum to contact (female) friends.
              Prefer forums. All am saying is that its a distorted image of a person.

              Also whats wrong with marrying a brown person?
              Ur right if the guy puts his arm around her then she has no control over it but this is her account and she posted all the stuff on there. And i just saw pics of text messages they exchange and how often they hang out and go to gym together etc. And her job is social media related and that comes with certain type of personality. If someone offered me a job related to that i would decline because i have no interest in that.

              And i said the male cousin who was so close to her was dating/married to a brown person but she was wearing no sleeves and they were really westernized way they dressed and acted so basically saying he isnt the best of role models because he had pics of semi nude women, and cars, and gym workouts. Just one of those people obsessed with popular culture and whats hip and worried about this life. To me he isnt a good role model and if she spends so much time with him im sure some of that is rubbed of on her. And that was true when i saw the way talked on text like young teens using slang and emojis.

              Thats why i try to keep good or no company because if the girl meets my friends and theyre losers who do haram stuff she might get bad impression from me and think im like them. So because of her keeping such company some brothers will not approach her. And thats good for her too because she doesnt want a strict man telling her to not hang out with men. She likes her freedom and wants someone more westernized or not as strict. So win-win :)

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              • #22
                Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                Originally posted by CuckoosNest View Post
                uhh... isn't this all the same stuff that happened with your last wife? are you just repeating your stories here??
                No actually my ex was in different career, didnt have so much social media, and social media she did have kept to minimum and mostly only family, and there were issues with her hugging cousins which i didnt like but i didnt know before and we sort of worked through that, and she did have male cousins visit from diff country not live in same city. So yes its similar but not the same. And if ur implying im crazy by repeating stories, well thats not true.

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                • #23
                  Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                  I think its the norm now for people to 'google search' a potential, I can totally understand where you are coming from regarding the relationship with her cousin. Some people in my extended family are like this, like they hug etc etc. I cringe every time! I think you need to sit down with your mum and tell her exactly what you want to filter out the ones which you are not compatible with.

                  Also, I dont know why brothers think sisters are in the east are innocent... ?
                  No Longer On UF

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                  • #24
                    Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                    Maybe she changed and wanted to live the good life - did u probe and ask questions about the deen
                    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

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                    • #25
                      Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                      Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                      Maybe she changed and wanted to live the good life - did u probe and ask questions about the deen
                      Mmm no we didnt even send my pic or info because i said it wont work to my mom. She probably dont wanna change. If this is how someones raised and to them its normal, i would come off as strict and controlling for asking her to change and her family would despise me for it. So not worth it.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                        Originally posted by sister_82 View Post

                        Also, I dont know why brothers think sisters are in the east are innocent... ?
                        Sometimes I wonder if the brothers who think this have even gone back home recently and seen what the young people are doing nowadays.

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                        • #27
                          Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                          Hassan, what's plan B mate?
                          They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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                          • #28
                            Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                            Originally posted by sister_82 View Post
                            I think its the norm now for people to 'google search' a potential, I can totally understand where you are coming from regarding the relationship with her cousin. Some people in my extended family are like this, like they hug etc etc. I cringe every time! I think you need to sit down with your mum and tell her exactly what you want to filter out the ones which you are not compatible with.

                            Also, I dont know why brothers think sisters are in the east are innocent... ?
                            Yes not all sisters in the east are innocent but this is probably happening less there because of society and culture there is still a bit stricter than west.

                            I have people in my family too where at the wedding the groom is hugging other females and the bride is hugging other males so to them its friendly and normal.

                            I did tell my mom and shes seeing a pattern here and saying this is how girls are here so either accept it or go home so i said we can look both ways but still keep looking in the west because im sure theres a nice sister who isnt so casual with opposite sex and doesnt have much social media. I figured that wasnt too much to ask.

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                            • #29
                              Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              Sometimes I wonder if the brothers who think this have even gone back home recently and seen what the young people are doing nowadays.
                              Yes, I have been back in years and parents go back every year - theres always something dodgy happening - and thats in a village!

                              I have also seen a few wedding films from back home, we came from somewhere where women covered and there was no interaction from men and women... but i see now is really bad.

                              Start looking for sisters by going to the local mosque or asks friends and family if there know of any sisters who are practicing.
                              Last edited by sister_82; 05-08-16, 06:11 PM.
                              No Longer On UF

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                              • #30
                                Re: Thanks social media for helping me decide

                                Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
                                Mmm no we didnt even send my pic or info because i said it wont work to my mom. She probably dont wanna change. If this is how someones raised and to them its normal, i would come off as strict and controlling for asking her to change and her family would despise me for it. So not worth it.
                                hmmmmmm ok
                                ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                                "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                                :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                                Comment

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