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Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going to pr

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  • Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going to pr

    Asalaam alaikum Sisters,

    My family and I are going to a girl's (another sister's) house on Sunday and I might possibly propose to her for marriage. My family has talked a lot with theirs and are at the step where we are pretty much ready and we know they're ready. It's really now up to me. :(

    One thing we will be doing is asking to see her without her hijaab for me. My mom and two sisters have already seen and they liked her, but I know my mom and sisters tastes don't always match with mine, especially when it comes to girls. I'm a bit worried about this, so I'm 100% sure she is going to be feeling worried as well.

    My worry is two-fold:
    1. What if I don't like the way she looks without hijaab. I like her personality and subhanAllah she looks nice with hijaab so it would be absolutely terrible if I didn't like the way she looked without hijaab. My natural response would be to say nothing. What would be the most appropriate and respectful thing to say to her in this instance?

    2. If I like the way she looks. I was thinking of what I would say and my natural response would probably be like "Wow, subhanAllah!" with a big smile. I'm not sure, however, if this is the correct thing to say/do so I was thinking of not saying anything in this instance either. Sisters, what would be the most appropriate and respectful thing to say to her in this instance?

    I mean in both scenarios I really just don't want her to feel bad or weird because she's showing me herself without hijaab and that's a big deal. I'm kindly asking for sisters opinions only because I want to know from their perspective what they feel would be the right thing to say if they were showing their hair to another brother who's deciding about marriage.

  • #2
    Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

    I think it's just a cultural belief the fact to see a potential without hijab before proposing. Probably in your culture is widely accepted.
    In Islam, I don't think you have the right to ask to see her without hijab. And she has the right to refuse.

    If I am wrong, someone can correct me...

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
      I think it's just a cultural belief the fact to see a potential without hijab before proposing. Probably in your culture is widely accepted.
      In Islam, I don't think you have the right to ask to see her without hijab. And she has the right to refuse.

      If I am wrong, someone can correct me...
      There is ikhtilaaf. Some allow it.
      You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

      You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

        Originally posted by jorrat View Post
        Asalaam alaikum Sisters,

        My family and I are going to a girl's (another sister's) house on Sunday and I might possibly propose to her for marriage. My family has talked a lot with theirs and are at the step where we are pretty much ready and we know they're ready. It's really now up to me. :(

        One thing we will be doing is asking to see her without her hijaab for me. My mom and two sisters have already seen and they liked her, but I know my mom and sisters tastes don't always match with mine, especially when it comes to girls. I'm a bit worried about this, so I'm 100% sure she is going to be feeling worried as well.

        My worry is two-fold:
        1. What if I don't like the way she looks without hijaab. I like her personality and subhanAllah she looks nice with hijaab so it would be absolutely terrible if I didn't like the way she looked without hijaab. My natural response would be to say nothing. What would be the most appropriate and respectful thing to say to her in this instance?

        2. If I like the way she looks. I was thinking of what I would say and my natural response would probably be like "Wow, subhanAllah!" with a big smile. I'm not sure, however, if this is the correct thing to say/do so I was thinking of not saying anything in this instance either. Sisters, what would be the most appropriate and respectful thing to say to her in this instance?

        I mean in both scenarios I really just don't want her to feel bad or weird because she's showing me herself without hijaab and that's a big deal. I'm kindly asking for sisters opinions only because I want to know from their perspective what they feel would be the right thing to say if they were showing their hair to another brother who's deciding about marriage.
        :wswrwb:

        All I can tell you is, definitely don't say "Wow, subhanAllah!" This is a nonmahram we're talking about, and it wouldn't be appropriate.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

          Imo as a woman you Should see her without hijab. Sometimes hijab makes the face looks better or worse than without it. And no one denies that hair has a great role in women's look. You asking the right thing I believe.

          As for how to respond ...I really dunno.may be others can answer u inshaAllah.

          May Allah give u both the best
          How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

            Wow.... how about you don't see the sister without her hijab? That is the safer opinion anyway and any response as you figured will be awkward. Seems too much like appraising meat on the market.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
              :wswrwb:

              All I can tell you is, definitely don't say "Wow, subhanAllah!" This is a nonmahram we're talking about, and it wouldn't be appropriate.
              LOL, he is funny man. Imagine her reaction .

              Honestly I think it depends where he is from. It appears to me that those who are from Saudi/Gulf take off their hijaab when they meet a potential and when it is time to see each other. You don't do the same thing to someone whose from Pakistan though.
              Last edited by peras1; 05-08-16, 06:13 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                Imo as a woman you Should see her without hijab. Sometimes hijab makes the face looks better or worse than without it. And no one denies that hair has a great role in women's look. You asking the right thing I believe.

                As for how to respond ...I really dunno.may be others can answer u inshaAllah.

                May Allah give u both the best
                It's true, hair is a big part of attraction. But you can always ask your mom or sister to describe her hair, no? If it's thick or thin, curly, frizzy, etc.

                Originally posted by peras1 View Post
                LOL, he is funny man. Imagine her reaction .

                Honestly I think it depends where he is from. It appears to me that those who are from Saudi/Gulf take off their hijaab when they meet a potential and when it is time to see each other. You don't do the same thing to someone whose from Pakistan though.
                It's a horrible idea lol. I don't know what you were thinking OP.

                Yeah as South Asians this is pretty much unfathomable to us.
                Last edited by Stoic Believer; 05-08-16, 06:20 AM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going to pr

                  Don't say what you wrote in number two. Just look and remain shy, no need to say anything. A slight smile at most.
                  You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                  You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                    Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
                    I think it's just a cultural belief the fact to see a potential without hijab before proposing. Probably in your culture is widely accepted.
                    In Islam, I don't think you have the right to ask to see her without hijab. And she has the right to refuse.

                    If I am wrong, someone can correct me...
                    They might be Hanbali in this.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                      Thank you everyone for your opinions. I'd love to hear from as many sisters as possible, that is very important to me. I really want to know what the best way to react is from a sister's perspective in both situations - liking the way she looks and not liking the way she looks without hijaab.

                      The girl has already agreed she will show me. My mom/sisters and her mom will all be present. We will not be springing his up out of the blue.
                      Last edited by jorrat; 05-08-16, 11:44 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                        I know I would definitely want to see her without hijab before marrying her.
                        They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                          Originally posted by Alina15 View Post
                          I think it's just a cultural belief the fact to see a potential without hijab before proposing. Probably in your culture is widely accepted.
                          In Islam, I don't think you have the right to ask to see her without hijab. And she has the right to refuse.

                          If I am wrong, someone can correct me...
                          Not true the Hanbali Madhab allows the man to see her without the hijab.
                          Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                            Originally posted by jorrat View Post
                            Thank you everyone for your opinions. I'd love to hear from as many sisters as possible, that is very important to me. I really want to know what the best way to react is from a sister's perspective in both situations - liking the way she looks and not liking the way she looks without hijaab.

                            The girl has already agreed she will show me. My mom/sisters and her mom will all be present. We will not be springing his up out of the blue.
                            Doesn't she have any male mahrams that will also be present?
                            They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Sisters - what should I say to a hijaabi without her hijaab (I'm possibly going t

                              Originally posted by ibzy View Post
                              Doesn't she have any male mahrams that will also be present?
                              But the guy is still non mahram to her so he cant see her without her hijab. the mother or sister can, and describe her features to him.

                              Personally I would not do this, and most of the sisters I know wouldnt
                              No Longer On UF

                              Comment

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