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A brothers perspective to marriage

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  • A brothers perspective to marriage

    ASWRWB

    This thread has come about due to a discussion on another thread. The basis is that sisters often do threads with regards to the difficulties, problems even shallowness of brothers who are potential spouses

    In this thread, open to both genders, I want to see what brothers see as potential barriers/pitfalls etc

    An example would be the sunnah beard. I know personally that an assassins creed/goatee is seen as good by sisters but a sunnah beard is off putting for them and can be a barrier when looking at a potential, a practicing (at first glance) potential

    NB i know some will say ''not me'' etc but we know there are exceptions to all rules.

  • #2
    Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

    :wswrwb:

    :jkk: for the thread.

    Can't say much myself since I'm not searching right now.

    But I'll reaffirm what I said in the other thread and the OP. If you have a Sunnah beard you will have a very hard time getting married.

    Comment


    • #3
      There are hundreds of potential "barriers" as far as I see it - some of which are due to choices made but most are the way we naturally are. I guess they have the right to refuse because of an issue with the way we naturally are and we have to allow it and take it without offense. If they have an issue with our choices - then too we must swallow it. We shouldn't change ourselves to be what we do not want to be.

      However we have to take into consideration what our future partner would want and after marriage too do the same. Pleasing our wives is a form of ibadah to Allah if it doesn't involve making something halal haram, or a haram halal. At the end of it all everyone has to accept the fact that everyone including themselves are not perfect, and that we have to be grateful to Allah for what we have - only through being grateful does increase happen.

      As for the "Sunnah beard" - it shouldn't be surprising. If you're practicing you would also marry someone who is also practicing, right? If you can't find one - then that's part of the test.
      Last edited by Jihaaaaaaad; 01-08-16, 05:36 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        :wswrwb:

        :jkk: for the thread.

        Can't say much myself since I'm not searching right now.

        But I'll reaffirm what I said in the other thread and the OP. If you have a Sunnah beard you will have a very hard time getting married.
        Its true bro I speak from personal experience

        not just the beard but even practicing makes it hard. so wanting a woman to cover properly is seen as ''suffocating'' or backwards

        I recently heard a sister say that her in laws and husband were lucky she wears shalwar kameez and she does so to avoid confrontation. If it was up to her she would not wear them or the dupatta

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

          Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
          ASWRWB

          This thread has come about due to a discussion on another thread. The basis is that sisters often do threads with regards to the difficulties, problems even shallowness of brothers who are potential spouses

          In this thread, open to both genders, I want to see what brothers see as potential barriers/pitfalls etc

          An example would be the sunnah beard. I know personally that an assassins creed/goatee is seen as good by sisters but a sunnah beard is off putting for them and can be a barrier when looking at a potential, a practicing (at first glance) potential

          NB i know some will say ''not me'' etc but we know there are exceptions to all rules.
          :wswrwb:

          Any sister who finds a full beard off putting is best crossed off the list of potentials. Maybe the beard acts like the niqab in this respect, keeps away and filters out those less serious in matters of the deen.

          (yes I know the beardy and niqabi brothers and sisters can still sin, but someone stating no way to one is straight up sign of weak emaan)
          FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

          www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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          • #6
            Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

            Originally posted by Jihaaaaaaad View Post
            There are hundreds of potential "barriers" as far as I see it - some of which are due to choices made but most are the way we naturally are. I guess they have the right to refuse because of an issue with the way we naturally are and we have to allow it and take it without offense. If they have an issue with our choices - then too we must swallow it. We shouldn't change ourselves to be what we do not want to be.

            However we have to take into consideration what our future partner would want and after marriage too do the same. Pleasing our wives is a form of ibadah to Allah if it doesn't involve making something halal haram, or a haram halal. At the end of it all everyone has to accept the fact that everyone including themselves is not perfect, and that we have to be grateful to Allah for what we have - only through being grateful does increase happen.
            not about seeking perfection at all

            how can a practicing sister turn down a guy for having a sunnah beard or wearing a thobe?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

              brothers missing the point of the thread tbh

              In a nutshell its about what makes it hard for brothers, or specifically how sisters make it hard

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                Its true bro I speak from personal experience

                not just the beard but even practicing makes it hard. so wanting a woman to cover properly is seen as ''suffocating'' or backwards

                I recently heard a sister say that her in laws and husband were lucky she wears shalwar kameez and she does so to avoid confrontation. If it was up to her she would not wear them or the dupatta
                Yeah bro, it's hard. But I think it's a worthy price to pay for practicing Islam. There were better men than us who never even had a chance to marry.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                  Yeah bro, it's hard. But I think it's a worthy price to pay for practicing Islam. There were better men than us who never even got married.
                  :inlove: love brothers mashallah

                  If this had been a thread about sisters perspective it would be 30 pages long already and would list the ''problems''

                  Not just you here akhie, but the other responses too:up:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A brothers perspective to marriage

                    Not sure but being a student of knowledge perhaps with little in the way of dunya comforts..?
                    ‘If only I had done such-and-such, then such-and-such would have happened.’ Rather you should say, ‘Qaddara Allah wa ma sha a fa’ala (Allah decrees, and what He wills He does),’ for (the words) ‘If only’ open the door to the Shaytan.” (Narrated by Muslim).

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                      Originally posted by Jihaaaaaaad View Post
                      There are hundreds of potential "barriers" as far as I see it - some of which are due to choices made but most are the way we naturally are. I guess they have the right to refuse because of an issue with the way we naturally are and we have to allow it and take it without offense. If they have an issue with our choices - then too we must swallow it. We shouldn't change ourselves to be what we do not want to be.

                      However we have to take into consideration what our future partner would want and after marriage too do the same. Pleasing our wives is a form of ibadah to Allah if it doesn't involve making something halal haram, or a haram halal. At the end of it all everyone has to accept the fact that everyone including themselves is not perfect, and that we have to be grateful to Allah for what we have - only through being grateful does increase happen.
                      not about seeking perfection at all

                      how can a practicing sister turn down a guy for having a sunnah beard or wearing a thobe?
                      Depends on whom she turned down for. Maybe she didn't like the way the beard looked - the luckly guy might have been lucky cause he took care of the Sunnah beard better or because it looks better.

                      No one is perfect, brother, and that also means that practicing sisters are not necessary perfect in their likings. That shouldn't mean you should become less practicing (by giving up the Sunnah beard) to better your chances in marrying a pious practicing sister, because you are trying to please someone else and not yourself (- Allah) by doing so. Well no one is perfect ...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                        Originally posted by Nafs al Tawabah View Post
                        Not sure but being a student of knowledge perhaps with little in the way of dunya comforts..?
                        This is more true for parents imo

                        having a job, albeit even one that isnt compatible in Islam, with a BMW definitely gets you more proposals

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                          Originally posted by Jihaaaaaaad View Post
                          Depends on whom she turned down for. Maybe she didn't like the way the beard looked - the luckly guy might have been lucky cause he took care of the Sunnah beard better or because it looks better.

                          No one is perfect, brother, and that also means that practicing sisters are not necessary perfect in their likings. That shouldn't mean you should become less practicing (by giving up the Sunnah beard) to better your chances in marrying a pious practicing sister, because you are trying to please someone else and not yourself (- Allah) by doing so. Well no one is perfect ...
                          Think you missed the point of the thread akhie

                          and also the sunnah of the beard is to keep it nice

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                            Originally posted by nonameakhi View Post
                            :inlove: love brothers mashallah

                            If this had been a thread about sisters perspective it would be 30 pages long already and would list the ''problems''

                            Not just you here akhie, but the other responses too:up:
                            Lol. Alhamdulillah.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: A brothers perspective to marriage

                              Good degree + good, stable, respectable job
                              Own place, car, fair income

                              These things are what make it hard

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