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Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

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  • #46
    Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

    Originally posted by myeverything View Post
    All what I can say is women's nature is way different than men's. women's brain works differently to the men's.

    Not saying that it is valid to ask divorce for these reasons only. But it's what it is. Some regret it later others don't. Life is stranger than fiction :)
    In this case, the stupidity levels of some women knows no bounds.

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    • #47
      Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

      Originally posted by myeverything View Post
      All what I can say is women's nature is way different than men's. women's brain works differently to the men's.

      Not saying that it is valid to ask divorce for these reasons only. But it's what it is. Some regret it later others don't. Life is stranger than fiction :)
      Alhamdulillah that Allah did not give women the right to talaq. Otherwise good men would be getting divorced left, right, and center.

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      • #48
        Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

        Dear diary,

        today Opie made a disturbing thread.



        Both of you need help.
        Serious help.
        There is rest only in the aakhira.
        Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.

        - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -

        If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
        and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
        then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.

        - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -

        I saw a dog without any clothes on .
        That's right, a nude dog.
        The Deepweb is disgusting.
        - Unknown -


        Links
        The Middle Road - At-Tanzil - Hifz Thread - Muslim Healthy Living
        Inheritors of Qur'aan

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        • #49
          Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

          Originally posted by myeverything View Post
          All what I can say is women's nature is way different than men's. women's brain works differently to the men's.

          Not saying that it is valid to ask divorce for these reasons only. But it's what it is. Some regret it later others don't. Life is stranger than fiction :)
          huh?

          I am sorry but this is the most dumbest thing I have ever heard.

          a man or a woman divorcing their partner for being too nice is not because of their nature it's because they are PURE DOPEY DONUTS with issues

          :wacko:
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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          • #50
            Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

            Your wife has told you she doesn't want to be with you and packed her things and has left you..what exactly do you think is left for you to do with her? You appear to be in denial about the whole situation..wake up and smell the coffee. She does not like you and doesn't want to live with you, cook for you, clean for you, have sex with you...nothing. For some reason you seem unable to accept this. Do you fear not being able to find another wife? Do you think yourself so awesome that you cannot comprehend being rejected this way? Oh and try and have a little self respect and tell her where to go in the remote possibility that she ever does come crawling back.

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            • #51
              Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
              Some of those are ridiculous reasons. Too nice? What??
              If someone is too nice, they can be easily perceived as (or simply are) weak, desperate, or insecure. They may lack confidence in themselves. In being too nice, they may be trying to please everyone around them, and thus may never come across as having an opinion of their own. (Ex: if you ask him what shoes he likes best, he might not choose what he likes best but rather choose the pair of shoes he would think she would approve of.) Many women don't like this.

              Someone who is too nice may also be much too "chirpy" and positive. In my first semester of college (yes I lived there and for everyone wondering, I wasn't a Muslim at that time), I had a roommate who was like this. In the first few weeks, she always had a huge smile on her face and would say hello to every single person passing by us. If she got a chance, she would want to initiate conversation with someone new who looked interesting, and she'd be very "chirpy" and positive during this encounter as well. Her tone of voice was very high. She would always be asking them a lot of questions, complimenting them, listening intently, taking a lot of interest in their life, being very friendly when they said goodbye, etc.

              I'm a pretty positive person, but this was too much for me. She was "too nice." As an introvert, her high energy and wanting to greet everyone started to drain me a bit. (She was a great person though and this behavior did end after a few weeks, once she got well acquainted with a new group of friends.)

              People who are too nice may have friendships that won't necessarily last. Too nice people can easily get their feelings and actions taken advantage of if they're not careful. The person needs to be strong enough to end toxic relationships. If they're not, they're going to be continuously used because of their "too nice" personality. They can be taken advantage of in a marriage as well, of course. I wouldn't want this quality in a spouse.

              "i don't feel in the right place mentally" - Means they weren't ready for marriage to begin with.

              "I feel unsettled" - Listening to their gut. But they should effective methods of identifying and working the problem(s) out if they haven't already.

              "I don't feel he is my soulmate" - Soulmates aren't born, they're created. Make each other your soulmate. If it doesn't work, then maybe you really aren't compatible.

              "he's too nice and I just don't connect with him". - Concerning not being able to connect to him: See the above point. If you have no mental connection, as a woman I would feel lost.

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              • #52
                Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                In this case, the stupidity levels of some women knows no bounds.
                yes, it is.

                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                Alhamdulillah that Allah did not give women the right to talaq. Otherwise good men would be getting divorced left, right, and center.
                Alhamdulillah

                Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                huh?

                I am sorry but this is the most dumbest thing I have ever heard.

                a man or a woman divorcing their partner for being too nice is not because of their nature it's because they are PURE DOPEY DONUTS with issues

                :wacko:
                yea that type of ppl do exist^^
                How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

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                • #53
                  Re: Advice - I don't know what to do with my wife

                  Assalamu alaikom brothers and sisters,

                  Wow, I am sorry I was not able to reply any earlier I was very busy this weekend.

                  I did not have the time to go through all the responses, but one thing I want to clarify to all of you is this:

                  I never forbade her to go visit her parents, I am actually very nice to her parents and we have a very good relationship. I love her parents and respect them alot and never had any problems with them. They love me alot and know what type of a husband their daughter married. They will never want to lose a guy like me.

                  I never told her not to leave the house. I bought her a car so she can go visit anybody she wants anytime. I actually tell her to go visit her mom when I am too busy or if I have to work overtime or whatnot, I always encourage her to see her parents because I do not want her to feel that I am a bad husband. Some of you may misunderstood, but what I meant that when she wanted to leave the house to go back to her parents and LEAVE me for what I find are silly reasons, that's when I told her to not leave the house and leave her man like that for any stupid little reason.

                  Like I said I am not perfect and I had a problem. One problem. I used to smoke weed when we first got married, and when she first found out, she was like it's okay...all guys do that...even my brother does it I don't care. I told her listen I want to stop and please never tell your parents because it will just ruin my reputation and this is something we can fix together, just support me and I will stop it. And one day we fought, and we were both at work so she was like okay I'm leaving you I'm going to my parents. I told her listen don't leave and let's solve it together, but she refused and stopped answering and went back to her parents, she ended up telling them everything about me and that I smoke weed and how she can't live with a guy like that. That was the first time she left. So me, I went back to her parents a week later, and explained to them that it was a little phase and it is my only problem. That problem should not have left the house and you were never supposed to find out because you shouldn't. We came to an agreement then that I will promise to never do it again, if she promises that our problems will never leave the house, no matter what it is (unless if I hit her or something like that), and that she should take care of me more at home, and should soemtimes clean and cook for me since she did not like to do these things. I said I will help her and I will stop anything bad and that she has no right to leave the house again if I do not smoke or hit her or anything. I also asked that she tries to make an effort to make me happy, she always brings me down when I am having a bad time or when I am stressed at work and does not support me when things are goign bad. I said we should communicate and resolve all our problems together. They agreed and told me they will talk to her and like I said...she changed for about a coupe of months...then we were back to square one, but this time she started disrespecting me and yelling letting all the neighbours hear and threaten me to leave me again for ...again silly reasons to me, things that are not worth divoricing for.

                  I stopped all my bad habits alhamdoulillah, and decided to do everything in my power to make this girl happy. I treat the woman with respect. All I want is for her to RESPECT ME and make me feel like a MAN, and not yell at me, tell me she does not want to live with someone like me and treat me like I am nothing. Then end up leaving me for absolutely no reason and go tell her parents everything bad about me and what I tell her in bed and what time we sleep and what we did on that day...I am not doing anything haram and it's none of her mom's business...

                  I can also cook and clean and take care of myself, and I also help her as much as I can. I am not a terrible husband like some of you are portraying me as. As a matter of fact, whenever I feel she does not feel like cooking, I tell her let's go eat outside or let's order some food. Or I end up eating some tuna with some salad to make it simple.

                  I am active and I am not fat. I mean maybe a little chubby, but I am eating healthier and going to the gym. This was never a problem and we never had any problems before in our sex life. Just recently like 4 months ago when she decided she wants to make me live in hell and not sleep with me and punish me because she is not happy with me.

                  I have a very good job and earn good money alhamdoulillah. I am a good looking guy and come from a very good family. We both live in Canada, but we are both Palestinians from Jordan. Anyways...I want to thank all of you for answering me...I already know what I will do. I spoke to her dad yesterday and told him my side of the story. He is currently in Jordan and is coming back in 2 weeks. My father is working in the UK and her father asked me when is your father coming back? I told him listen this does not concern my father...this is between me and her, why does everyone have to get involved in this??

                  Anyways, Inshallah what god wrote will happen and I will just need to be honest about what I find the issue is and try to solve it. If she is willing to change and become a better person and live with some of the conditions I will ask for, then alhamdoulillah. But if she is not willing to change and start respecting me, I will not run begging her to come back.

                  My conditions will be as follows:
                  - Respect me
                  - No yelling at me
                  - None of our problems go outside the house (except if I hit or abuse her her which I know I will never do)
                  - She will not say anything to her parents or to my parents (anything bad that is, only the good stuff)
                  - She wants to make it work and try to communicate more if she wants something or is not happy.
                  - She will never leave the house again - I mean to LEAVE me and go back to her parents. She can go out anytime and anywhere as long as she tells me, and I never told her to not go anywhere I am not like that.
                  - She needs to grow up and become a woman
                  - Smile more!
                  - Be happy to be with me because life is too short


                  I don't think I am asking for too much...I already did everything they ever asked for and this time if you want to have any conditions for me go ahead because I already do everything she wants, but if they have any conditions go ahead, but the ball is in my court, and if I don't see that SHE is convinced with those conditions, and it does not come from HER. I will not take her back, and not because I am macho or whatever, but because this is the third time she has done this for me and nothing is changing.

                  Thank you! God bless you all, and I hope none of you have any problems!

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