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Are any men excited/hope to have children?

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  • #61
    Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

    Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
    Why Ukhti lol
    Just the idea of brining a human being into this world and raising him/her. Lots of responsibility.

    I'm not good with kids either and babies look very fragile.

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    • #62
      Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Sounds like he doesn't want you to become too matronly.
      Nah if that was his worry he would have told me. He loves kids just doesn't like how noise they can become and is afraid of things finically as well
      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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      • #63
        Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

        Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
        afraid of things finically as well
        This is a natural fear however with more kids comes more wealth. Allah promises to provide.

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        • #64
          Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

          Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
          Yes. A lot of men really worry about their wives ditching the role of attractive, spritely, energetic lover and embracing the role of frumpy, unkempt mumsy mother who doesn't care about him anymore. They worry that they will become a side-show. This is why the safeguards exist in Islam to emphasise the role and status of a husband... not for the husband to abuse it but for the wife to bear it in mind.

          There is absolutely no reason why a woman cannot be both amazing lover to her husband and a good mother to her kids. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
          Yeah it's one of the things that's got me reluctant to have too many kids. What a fitnah it is when the wife just lets herself go like that.

          But you're right, lots of women can be both.

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          • #65
            Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            What a fitnah it is when the wife just lets herself go like that.
            An even bigger fitnah when she justifies it.

            And an even bigger fitnah when her friends justify it to her!

            And then the biggest fitnah of all when the argument is turned around and the man is told he is in the wrong for getting upset it.

            Then there is no hope.

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            • #66
              Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

              Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
              Men are excited about having kids but being men we view the whole situation with reason and logic rather than pure emotion.

              Therefore men when they contemplate kids .... if they have none then they are worried about the whole experience - the pregnancy, the childbirth, the aftermath, looking after it, the future etc etc.

              If they already have kids then they worry about yet more hardship during pregnancy.... mood swings, constant whinging, whether the baby is healthy, no intimacy etc. And then afterwards - the sleepless nights, the colic, the breastfeeding, etc.

              Honestly its not all about the man, actually the man will often feel that he is able to cope with all this but knows that his wife has a short memory (figuratively) and has forgotten how difficult it will be. And how he will be in the firing line and the one to blame for everything that goes wrong.

              Yes it all sounds rather selfish and yes it is and most men despite these evil selfish thoughts overcome them and try and be positive. However if the excitement is less than that of a woman, try and understand that its because he is trying to process lots of different associated things.
              I understand the pain, lol. May God bless the fathers/husbamds who have ti put up with their partner's tantrums pre-during-post delivery big time!

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              • #67
                Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
                An even bigger fitnah when she justifies it.

                And an even bigger fitnah when her friends justify it to her!

                And then the biggest fitnah of all when the argument is turned around and the man is told he is in the wrong for getting upset it.

                Then there is no hope.
                If only polygamy were easier; it'd be a good solution for brothers suffering in these scenarios.

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                • #68
                  Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                  Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                  I understand the pain, lol. May God bless the fathers/husbamds who have ti put up with their partner's tantrums pre-during-post delivery big time!
                  I wasn't referring to the delivery period. We all know about the hadith about how a child cannot match a single birth scream even if he carried his mother around the kaabah for tawaf.

                  There is a natural mental hardship which a spouse should endure and deal with, especially during the delivery period. Who would disagree with that?

                  No I was referring to the entire pregnancy then the 2 year weaning period thereafter.

                  Please don't turn this thread into another male vs female battle with sarcasm etc. I was merely answering the initial question about why men can sometimes feel hesitant and less enthusiastic than women when it comes to having children.

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                  • #69
                    Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                    If only polygamy were easier; it'd be a good solution for brothers suffering in these scenarios.
                    It would be easier to follow the Quran and Sunnah and not mumsnet and western lifestyle magazines and newspaper columns.

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                    • #70
                      Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                      Originally posted by slaveuk View Post
                      This is a natural fear however with more kids comes more wealth. Allah promises to provide.
                      I'm trying to get him to see that. But like you said a natural fear. He's not afraid I'll become frumpy or lose my zeal because culture wise we are told as women not to become frumpy even after you have a kid I mean my sister in law has 5 kids and she still dresses up for her husband and keeps herself proper.
                      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

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                      • #71
                        Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                        Originally posted by Allah's_Servant View Post
                        I'm trying to get him to see that. But like you said a natural fear. He's not afraid I'll become frumpy or lose my zeal because culture wise we are told as women not to become frumpy even after you have a kid I mean my sister in law has 5 kids and she still dresses up for her husband and keeps herself proper.
                        May Allah bless you culture and encourage other Muslims to learn from it

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                        • #72
                          Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                          Originally posted by caspianbound View Post
                          Do guys get excited and become hopeful for children too? I'm only in high school, but from my experience guys don't really seem to like kids. When I get older, I want to marry a man who is looking forward to being a father and is anxious (in a good way, not a scared way) to have kids!! Just curious to know if they actually exist, haha. Any of you guys like that? Any age, doesn't matter.
                          I've been waiting to have kids since i was 16. Inshallah. I've always want to raise my children to be role models Inshallah. I'm 22 now and i can't wait.

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                          • #73
                            Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                            Originally posted by caspianbound View Post
                            Do guys get excited and become hopeful for children too? I'm only in high school, but from my experience guys don't really seem to like kids. When I get older, I want to marry a man who is looking forward to being a father and is anxious (in a good way, not a scared way) to have kids!! Just curious to know if they actually exist, haha. Any of you guys like that? Any age, doesn't matter.
                            Yeah, I am really excited to have children, may Allah(swt) bless all of us with this great ni'mah. Insha'Allah I am financially able to care for them by the time I have them, but Allah(swt) is Ar-Razaq.
                            وَمَا قَدَرُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ قَدْرِهِ وَالْأَرْضُ جَمِيعًا قَبْضَتُهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَالسَّمَاوَاتُ مَطْوِيَّاتٌ بِيَمِينِهِ ۚ سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ عَمَّا يُشْرِكُونَ
                            They have not appraised Allah with true appraisal, while the earth entirely will be [within] His grip on the Day of Resurrection, and the heavens will be folded in His right hand. Exalted is He and high above what they associate with Him. (Az-Zumar: 67)

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                            • #74
                              Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                              Originally posted by .Hajar. View Post
                              how old are you?

                              there is a huge difference between boys and men you know, their respective opinions reflect their experience in/of life
                              I'm 15. haha, I know boys would most likely not be interested, but I know /heard of lots of men who don't like kids too.

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                              • #75
                                Re: Are any men excited/hope to have children?

                                yeah I am

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