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  • Is not being experienced a problem

    :salams

    Im sorry guys but I'm totally serious about the title. I have a slight suspicion this will be closed or removed, but i have to figure this out its been occupying my mind for the longest time.

    So basically i have this feeling that muslim boys/men misinterpret their sexual desires as love. For example they want to satisfy their desire and because of that, they think they are in love with a certain girl but they are not. They're just sexually frustrated and their nafs trick them into thinking the first girl that crosses their path is the love of their lives,and they marry the girl. But then after their desire is satisfied, they realise the girl isnt even close to compatible, and they are unhappy in marriage and everything goes downhill from there.

    I feel like this is the cause of many failed marriages. And i feel like if a man is experienced through jahiliyya, they have more respect for woman and they actually know how to treat a woman decently. I haven't been disrespected as much by kuffar/reverts as i have been disrespected by muslim men in my life, and it upsets me how many muslim guys expect nudity, inappropriate speech, etc. while kuffar or reverts are way more respecting.

    Whats the solution for inexperienced men? Im totally serious whats the solution? I dont see marriage as a solution because they can't provide for a wife, they dont have responsibility, and even though they think they can pull it off, once they jump into it they realise after 2 months they made a mistake.
    Seriously what is the problem/cause here? And what can we do about it??
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

  • #2
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    :wswrwb:

    It doesn't have to do with being inexperienced or misinterpreting desires as love. In fact, I'd be worried about those who are experienced.

    But, regardless, the cause of this is lack of knowledge.
    Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

    "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
    - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      I want to be the first to comment.

      I dunno really.... You make sense somehow but they're many 'inexperienced' brothers out there who make good husbands

      Let's wait for those informative and ridiculous comments.
      '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


      - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        :wswrwb:

        It doesn't have to do with being inexperienced or misinterpreting desires as love. In fact, I'd be worried about those who are experienced.

        But, regardless, the cause of this is lack of knowledge.
        You mean the knowledge of experience without the experience?
        يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

        O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

        Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by Silent being View Post
          I want to be the first to comment.

          I dunno really.... You make sense somehow but they're many 'inexperienced' brothers out there who make good husbands

          Let's wait for those informative and ridiculous comments.
          Hahaha i kinda see no other solution then experience but thats haram ofcourse, so idk how to solve this
          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is not being experienced a problem



            Knowledge of Islam.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

            Comment


            • #7
              Is not being experienced a problem

              :wswrwb:

              I actually agree with you. A young man's first love(or rather infatuation) is always based on her looks. I've seen it time and time again, and its happened to me. It's only because of what happened to me in jahilliyyah that I know better now. A Muslim guy who's hardly ever interacted with women though is very prone to fall into this trap.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by .mirror. View Post


                Knowledge of Islam.
                Calm down man, no need for smacks.
                You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post


                  Knowledge of Islam.
                  Ive known practicing men that have a horrible attitude regarding these matters
                  يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                  O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                  Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                    :wswrwb:

                    I actually agree with you. A young man's first love(or rather infatuation) is always based on her looks. I've seen it time and time again, and its happened to me. It's only because of what happened to me in jahilliyyah that I know better now. A Muslim guy who's hardly ever interacted with women though is very prone to fall into this trap.
                    Thank youuu, its one of the reasons why I'm tending toward marrying a revert or simply a man with some jahiliyya, also the men without any history tend to judge reverts willingly or unwillingly
                    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      So you're saying a man who has been in a relationship before is more realistic/understanding? That makes sense.
                      Narrated Anas:
                      The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." [Bukhari]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                        Originally posted by aynina View Post
                        Thank youuu, its one of the reasons why I'm tending toward marrying a revert or simply a man with some jahiliyya, also the men without any history tend to judge reverts willingly or unwillingly
                        The scary part about a man with a past is how there is a possibility of being compared.
                        '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


                        - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Originally posted by aynina View Post
                          So basically i have this feeling that muslim boys/men misinterpret their sexual desires as love. For example they want to satisfy their desire and because of that, they think they are in love with a certain girl but they are not.
                          What is "real" love then?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            wswrwb,

                            I agree with mirror. I don't think experience is the problem here. If anything, I think if an inexperienced guy is clueless about how to treat a woman, the chances are he'd be just as much of an idiot if he were zaani except this time he'd be sinful on top of being an idiot. I think part of the problem is with some practising guys, they are frustrated about not being in a position to marry so as a temporary stopgap they look at porn or resort to certain bad deeds but without having sex so they're still virgin when they marry but develop these unhealthy habits and unrealistic expectations of marriage. So even in that case, it's their misdeeds that are the problem, not their "lack of experience". Man I'd be so over the moon if someone found me a virgin husband who stayed away from that nonsense.
                            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by ms.muslimah View Post
                              So you're saying a man who has been in a relationship before is more realistic/understanding? That makes sense.
                              Basically, he has tested the waters so he's not naive and can't be deceived by beauty. Plus he knows how it works so he's not likely to leave after he gets tired with your beauty.
                              Lol thats how I understood the post.
                              '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


                              - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

                              Comment

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