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  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    You're a glass half empty kinda guy, aren't you?
    Just like you want a virgin wife.....Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........so nothing wrong with what she said....we all have preferences...
    ewww lol - sounds dodgy
    what I am trying to say is that I have found through experience that its often those guys who have a past , who are more open to marriage to a divorcee with kids

    now this is obv making a judgement on whether they are suitable marriage partners or not, but generally those who say they are really practising, really religious are usually the first ones to reject you. because they are loking for someone with no 'baggage'

    so why is this???

    I often used to think that if you were highly practising you would see a hardship of the dunya (e.g. raising someone elses's children) as something that would earn you more blessing and a better place in Jannah. not saying I am a charity case or anything


    anyway as PB said, we will marry who Allah swt has destined us to marry, or NOT mary at all so khair don't care. [MENTION=104157]zi-zizou[/MENTION], remind me to not post on thisse threads please. don't know why I do it

    Leave a comment:


  • Khalid b. Walid
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
    Most likely because if zina is accepted and the norm in one's society, it's easy to disregard Islamic principles if you are not strong in deen. Some are normalized to it seeing it through their friends and family so there's this accepting attitude of "oh okay im sure you repented, there's so much fitna after all you know.." Perhaps that's why there is leeway for zina makers.

    On the other hand, most secular societies condemn murder,rape and robbery. There are social consequences to this from many societies, like having a criminal record, black listed in jobs, family/ community shame etc, attached to the individual. This goes in line with our Islamic principles because these are equally regarded as huge sins too. So, it is automatically upsetting for many to reject potentials with THAT kind of history. Gee, who wants to put up with a spouse who's known for all the wrong moves?

    I guess more leeway for the former because of the changing attitudes towards zina. Nobody can feel the tangible consequences when they do zina, especially when there's no apparent social stigma (instead, there's growing social appraisal for "studs" for zannii men and "women empowerment" zannii women) from where they live and their upbringing. However, other equally bad sins such as theft and all that you mentioned still remains frowned upon by Islam and the secular society they live in.
    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    all this
    I do think we have become desensitised to zina as it has become so widespread. And in Western society and media fornication is glorified and being a virgin is seen as being a loser.

    But it's dangerous when this starts to affect Muslims where Muslims start to regard zina as something minor, when in reality it's up there with the most major of sins like murder.


    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    i dont want it to get to the point where both men and women think its normal that people have "past" so they just forgive them for their past because then more women and men will do it because they think god will forgive them and their future spouse wont care so its ok to enjoy for now. then we're no different than western people who think its ok to sleep around as long as u do it before u met me, which is not right.
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Good point. This increasing apathy toward zina could potentially be very dangerous.
    Thats a risk that can happen when your trivialise a sin as normal, and it just opens the floodgates for more people to do it.

    If there is a fear that this is something major and I am ruined if I do this then people will more likely to stay away and run away from it if it comes near.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view. I could go to reddit and not see any difference between half of you.




    Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?
    how about you quote ALL of my post

    and actually read what I am trying to say

    Leave a comment:


  • Magic.
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    I just don't get any of this thread. :\

    Leave a comment:


  • I See You
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).
    Originally posted by quark View Post
    Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends?

    Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?
    If that's their reality, its gross.

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........
    You wished she said that.

    Leave a comment:


  • quark
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    we all have preferences...
    So? If I prefer to not hire someone because of his skin colour I'm still racist.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by frustrated101 View Post
    Well that's a horrible point of view on their end. He'll be comparing them to one of the many women he's slept with in one way or another and subconsciously hold her to those standards while the rest of us muslim men wouldn't know any better.
    I figured out why the OP had a distorted view....and she agreed....

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    The reason you feel this way is because of your failed marriage......sister you married an immature, inexperienced (in life) 18 year old brat....after he got what he wanted.... the shock of marriage and reality hit him, he ran away and cut off contact like a coward. His mother then had to deal with the aftermath of his bad decisions .....you were a naive, innocent revert that got duped into marrying a boy and even got doubled duped into making his friend your wali.....your 18 year old ex was behaving like a 14 year old in his marriage...you would have been better suited to an older mature man rather than a boy who acted like he just hit puberty...

    You are WRONG to think that these experienced men will respect a woman just because of their pasts....as someone mentioned earlier, a man will treat you based on his upbringing, character etc....it has nothing to do with whether he has experience of being with the opposite gender...

    Leave a comment:


  • frustrated101
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).
    Well that's a horrible point of view on their end. He'll be comparing them to one of the many women he's slept with in one way or another and subconsciously hold her to those standards while the rest of us muslim men wouldn't know any better.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view.

    ?
    You're a glass half empty kinda guy, aren't you?
    Just like you want a virgin wife.....Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........so nothing wrong with what she said....we all have preferences...

    Leave a comment:


  • quark
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post

    I don't care if a virgin wants to marry me or not. what my point is that often those who have no experience of life f
    Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view. I could go to reddit and not see any difference between half of you.


    brothers who have 'saved themselves' have very high expectations for themselves
    Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by menk View Post
    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
    Well said, man. I hope the sister is a divorcee or a revert or something, cause if never-married Muslim women are starting to have these expectations, smh.

    Leave a comment:


  • quark
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by menk View Post
    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
    Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    coz I don't want to do all that - http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ike-this-i-say

    How is it bothering you exactly???
    plenty of other threads for you go and broswse
    It's not bothering me...far too many words for me to read. I just know from history when you over post it never ends well for you. Relax you can't change attitudes just allow it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    ML why are you causing trouble again?
    coz I don't want to do all that - http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ike-this-i-say

    How is it bothering you exactly???
    plenty of other threads for you go and broswse

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    all this
    ML why are you causing trouble again?

    Leave a comment:

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