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  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    I just don't get any of this thread. :\
    8 powerful habits to succeed


    1. Wake up early!
    2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
    3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
    4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
    5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
    6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
    7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
    8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

    NEW UPDATE

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


    Watch this when you're distressed!

    Comment


    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      Originally posted by quark View Post
      Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view. I could go to reddit and not see any difference between half of you.




      Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?
      how about you quote ALL of my post

      and actually read what I am trying to say
      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

      Comment


      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
        Most likely because if zina is accepted and the norm in one's society, it's easy to disregard Islamic principles if you are not strong in deen. Some are normalized to it seeing it through their friends and family so there's this accepting attitude of "oh okay im sure you repented, there's so much fitna after all you know.." Perhaps that's why there is leeway for zina makers.

        On the other hand, most secular societies condemn murder,rape and robbery. There are social consequences to this from many societies, like having a criminal record, black listed in jobs, family/ community shame etc, attached to the individual. This goes in line with our Islamic principles because these are equally regarded as huge sins too. So, it is automatically upsetting for many to reject potentials with THAT kind of history. Gee, who wants to put up with a spouse who's known for all the wrong moves?

        I guess more leeway for the former because of the changing attitudes towards zina. Nobody can feel the tangible consequences when they do zina, especially when there's no apparent social stigma (instead, there's growing social appraisal for "studs" for zannii men and "women empowerment" zannii women) from where they live and their upbringing. However, other equally bad sins such as theft and all that you mentioned still remains frowned upon by Islam and the secular society they live in.
        Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
        all this
        I do think we have become desensitised to zina as it has become so widespread. And in Western society and media fornication is glorified and being a virgin is seen as being a loser.

        But it's dangerous when this starts to affect Muslims where Muslims start to regard zina as something minor, when in reality it's up there with the most major of sins like murder.


        Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
        i dont want it to get to the point where both men and women think its normal that people have "past" so they just forgive them for their past because then more women and men will do it because they think god will forgive them and their future spouse wont care so its ok to enjoy for now. then we're no different than western people who think its ok to sleep around as long as u do it before u met me, which is not right.
        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        Good point. This increasing apathy toward zina could potentially be very dangerous.
        Thats a risk that can happen when your trivialise a sin as normal, and it just opens the floodgates for more people to do it.

        If there is a fear that this is something major and I am ruined if I do this then people will more likely to stay away and run away from it if it comes near.

        Comment


        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by shay5 View Post
          You're a glass half empty kinda guy, aren't you?
          Just like you want a virgin wife.....Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........so nothing wrong with what she said....we all have preferences...
          ewww lol - sounds dodgy
          what I am trying to say is that I have found through experience that its often those guys who have a past , who are more open to marriage to a divorcee with kids

          now this is obv making a judgement on whether they are suitable marriage partners or not, but generally those who say they are really practising, really religious are usually the first ones to reject you. because they are loking for someone with no 'baggage'

          so why is this???

          I often used to think that if you were highly practising you would see a hardship of the dunya (e.g. raising someone elses's children) as something that would earn you more blessing and a better place in Jannah. not saying I am a charity case or anything


          anyway as PB said, we will marry who Allah swt has destined us to marry, or NOT mary at all so khair don't care. [MENTION=104157]zi-zizou[/MENTION], remind me to not post on thisse threads please. don't know why I do it
          Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
          __________________________________________________ _____________________________
          If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

          You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



          please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

          Comment


          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

            Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
            I do think we have become desensitised to zina as it has become so widespread. And in Western society and media fornication is glorified and being a virgin is seen as being a loser.

            But it's dangerous when this starts to affect Muslims where Muslims start to regard zina as something minor, when in reality it's up there with the most major of sins like murder.






            Thats a risk that can happen when your trivialise a sin as normal, and it just opens the floodgates for more people to do it.

            If there is a fear that this is something major and I am ruined if I do this then people will more likely to stay away and run away from it if it comes near.
            exactly so thats why im ok if someone gets divorce if their spouse cheats so it can let others know its not ok and people will leave u. or if someone rejects a rishta if the person drinks or does drugs or has had gf or bf relation because others will know its bad and they wont marry a good muslim if they engage in this behavior .

            Comment


            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

              This thread is a prime reason why the best quality of the muslim ummah is enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil. A lot of muslims these days wanna live their life and do all the haram on earth and then say don't judge me. Only Allah can do so. This builds apathy. And like one of you said, apathy to sins such as zina will lead to the downfall of this ummah.

              That's why no muslim or a muslimah should take zina lightly.

              Comment


              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                ewww lol - sounds dodgy
                what I am trying to say is that I have found through experience that its often those guys who have a past , who are more open to marriage to a divorcee with kids

                now this is obv making a judgement on whether they are suitable marriage partners or not, but generally those who say they are really practising, really religious are usually the first ones to reject you. because they are loking for someone with no 'baggage'

                so why is this???

                I often used to think that if you were highly practising you would see a hardship of the dunya (e.g. raising someone elses's children) as something that would earn you more blessing and a better place in Jannah. not saying I am a charity case or anything


                anyway as PB said, we will marry who Allah swt has destined us to marry, or NOT mary at all so khair don't care. [MENTION=104157]zi-zizou[/MENTION], remind me to not post on thisse threads please. don't know why I do it
                While I do agree here, but women also need to be careful. Just because someone ha a past and is open to marrying doesn't mean he's the right person.

                As far as it goes some brothers hold that stigma against married women or influenced by family not to pursue them, while other genuine fear, expectation the wife will have considering she was married before, intimacy if the guy never did this the fact the wife could be comparing him with the ex and so forth. If kids are involved being a father right off the bat, how will the relationship be after they get older, if you have kids will you be biased, maybe disputes argument with spouse due to that issue, etc.
                Last edited by Winter; 09-07-16, 09:07 PM.

                Comment


                • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by Magic. View Post
                  I just don't get any of this thread. :\
                  that just means ur not experiences enough.



                  Comment


                  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                    Originally posted by Magic. View Post
                    I just don't get any of this thread. :\
                    Don't worry,someone had ro explain it to me, but that's because OP doesn'r make sense

                    Comment


                    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      Originally posted by noobz View Post
                      that just means ur not experiences enough.
                      I am not married so this means I will treat women badly compared to someone who has gfs in the past or has married before.


                      Or something along those lines...?
                      8 powerful habits to succeed


                      1. Wake up early!
                      2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                      3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                      4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                      5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                      6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                      7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                      8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                      NEW UPDATE

                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                      Watch this when you're distressed!

                      Comment


                      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                        Originally posted by Magic. View Post
                        I am not married so this means I will treat women badly compared to someone who has gfs in the past or has married before.


                        Or something along those lines...?
                        Let me explain it to you...OP was treated badly by a born Muslim man...she thought due to his lack of experience with women he made for a bad husband ,...and assumed a man with experience would have treated her better....I have set her straight...she was treated badly because she was married to an immature brat....not because her husband was inexperienced...
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Why is this dirty thread STILL open?

                          When was ummah forum the saviour for something like this? Something so serious and something that only leads to people becoming more and more lax regarding sins.

                          It makes the already confused mind curious, it opens the doors to zinah, it justifies some of the reasons for zinaa indirectly (It's not you [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION] but this is how the thread has turned into).

                          It is a complete and utter disgrace that we are sitting here 'discussing' how 'experienced' a man should be to appreciate his wife to be, and how to prevent him ditching her after marriage because there is no interest.

                          Lower your gaze, don't watch porn, don't fantasise, get a reality check and learn about islam and its teaching regarding intimacy as well as the responsibilities of marriage. That is your solution.
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                            Let me explain it to you...OP was treated badly by a born Muslim man...she thought due to his lack of experience with women he made for a bad husband ,...and assumed a man with experience would have treated her better....I have set her straight...she was treated badly because she was married to an immature brat....not because her husband was inexperienced...
                            gasp

                            when she talks about 'experiece' does she mean - like sexually experienced :shock:

                            she also meant experienced as in life experience right, not just that bit
                            Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                            __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                            If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                            You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                            please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                            Comment


                            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                              gasp

                              when she talks about 'experiece' does she mean - like sexually experienced :shock:

                              she also meant experienced as in life experience right, not just that bit
                              Reminding you not to post in this thread.

                              Comment


                              • Is not being experienced a problem

                                If there's one thing this thread has taught me, its to word your OP very carefully.

                                Otherwise: voila, 12 page long train wreck

                                Comment

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