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  • Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    i dont want it to get to the point where both men and women think its normal that people have "past" so they just forgive them for their past because then more women and men will do it because they think god will forgive them and their future spouse wont care so its ok to enjoy for now. then we're no different than western people who think its ok to sleep around as long as u do it before u met me, which is not right.
    Good point. This increasing apathy toward zina could potentially be very dangerous.

    Comment


    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Good point. This increasing apathy toward zina could potentially be very dangerous.
      if u think about it, it actually might be worse already because some people prefer people with past because xyz reasons....

      Comment


      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
        Long thread but just want to touch up on this point that's been mentioned as its something that comes up from time to time on the forum.

        The idea that someone has repented for the sin so Allah has forgiven them so who are we to hold this against them.

        Just want to ask is this something you three genuinely believe that the idea of not holding the past against someone?

        The reason being change zina to something else like drug dealing, murder, rape, molestation, prostitution, banditry, theft etc. yet suddenly the past would matter, even if that person had repented and was now a good Muslim.

        Many wouldn't marry a man/woman or give their daughter to a man who has done the above so why the opposition when zina is treated similarly.

        you havea point

        I suppose its because zina is seen as something personal, against yourself and not necessarily something which harms other people

        and yes tbh I would have to ask htem thoroughly about their relationship, and what and who.
        I can tolderate if they just had a g/f that they hanged around with but I think ddeep down I would find it hard to accept someone who has been a 100 times around the block and gone to 3rd base or wherever kids are going nowadsays
        Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
        __________________________________________________ _____________________________
        If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

        You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



        please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

        Comment


        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
          Most likely because if zina is accepted and the norm in one's society, it's easy to disregard Islamic principles if you are not strong in deen. Some are normalized to it seeing it through their friends and family so there's this accepting attitude of "oh okay im sure you repented, there's so much fitna after all you know.." Perhaps that's why there is leeway for zina makers.

          On the other hand, most secular societies condemn murder,rape and robbery. There are social consequences to this from many societies, like having a criminal record, black listed in jobs, family/ community shame etc, attached to the individual. This goes in line with our Islamic principles because these are equally regarded as huge sins too. So, it is automatically upsetting for many to reject potentials with THAT kind of history. Gee, who wants to put up with a spouse who's known for all the wrong moves?

          and all tbat as well

          I guess more leeway for the former because of the changing attitudes towards zina. Nobody can feel the tangible consequences when they do zina, especially when there's no apparent social stigma (instead, there's growing social appraisal for "studs" for zannii men and "women empowerment" zannii women) from where they live and their upbringing. However, other equally bad sins such as theft and all that you mentioned still remains frowned upon by Islam and the secular society they live in.
          all this
          Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
          __________________________________________________ _____________________________
          If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

          You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



          please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

          Comment


          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

            Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
            all this
            ML why are you causing trouble again?

            Comment


            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
              ML why are you causing trouble again?
              coz I don't want to do all that - http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ike-this-i-say

              How is it bothering you exactly???
              plenty of other threads for you go and broswse
              Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
              __________________________________________________ _____________________________
              If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

              You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



              please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

              Comment


              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                coz I don't want to do all that - http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ike-this-i-say

                How is it bothering you exactly???
                plenty of other threads for you go and broswse
                It's not bothering me...far too many words for me to read. I just know from history when you over post it never ends well for you. Relax you can't change attitudes just allow it.

                Comment


                • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by menk View Post
                  Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
                  Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).

                  Comment


                  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                    Originally posted by menk View Post
                    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
                    Well said, man. I hope the sister is a divorcee or a revert or something, cause if never-married Muslim women are starting to have these expectations, smh.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      Originally posted by Muslima London View Post

                      I don't care if a virgin wants to marry me or not. what my point is that often those who have no experience of life f
                      Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view. I could go to reddit and not see any difference between half of you.


                      brothers who have 'saved themselves' have very high expectations for themselves
                      Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?

                      Comment


                      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                        Originally posted by quark View Post
                        Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends? How is a chaste muslim man lacking in life-experience because he has not committed zina? None of you are arguing from an Islamic point of view.

                        ?
                        You're a glass half empty kinda guy, aren't you?
                        Just like you want a virgin wife.....Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........so nothing wrong with what she said....we all have preferences...
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Originally posted by quark View Post
                          Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).
                          Well that's a horrible point of view on their end. He'll be comparing them to one of the many women he's slept with in one way or another and subconsciously hold her to those standards while the rest of us muslim men wouldn't know any better.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            Originally posted by frustrated101 View Post
                            Well that's a horrible point of view on their end. He'll be comparing them to one of the many women he's slept with in one way or another and subconsciously hold her to those standards while the rest of us muslim men wouldn't know any better.
                            I figured out why the OP had a distorted view....and she agreed....

                            Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                            The reason you feel this way is because of your failed marriage......sister you married an immature, inexperienced (in life) 18 year old brat....after he got what he wanted.... the shock of marriage and reality hit him, he ran away and cut off contact like a coward. His mother then had to deal with the aftermath of his bad decisions .....you were a naive, innocent revert that got duped into marrying a boy and even got doubled duped into making his friend your wali.....your 18 year old ex was behaving like a 14 year old in his marriage...you would have been better suited to an older mature man rather than a boy who acted like he just hit puberty...

                            You are WRONG to think that these experienced men will respect a woman just because of their pasts....as someone mentioned earlier, a man will treat you based on his upbringing, character etc....it has nothing to do with whether he has experience of being with the opposite gender...
                            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                            Comment


                            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                              we all have preferences...
                              So? If I prefer to not hire someone because of his skin colour I'm still racist.

                              Comment


                              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                                Originally posted by quark View Post
                                Yeah basically. OP and some other females prefer fornicators and try to shame virgin men(exactly like what non-muslim women do).
                                Originally posted by quark View Post
                                Are we non-muslims now to whom life experience = girlfriends?

                                Wanting a chaste wife is not "high expectation", or are you saying muslim women are so much of fornicators that expecting someone not is too much?
                                If that's their reality, its gross.

                                Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                                Muslima London who is a divorcee prefers a non virgin.......she is not saying a fornicator but a man who lost his virginity the halal way...........
                                You wished she said that.
                                ďYou don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!Ē

                                Comment

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