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  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    It's just how it is. You can rant all you want, call them pathetic, but it'll never change. Honestly tired of women constantly shaming men for their natural preferences, getting triggered over the virginity thing.

    Dont even know why you care. Most of the men who feel this way you wouldn't even want to marry yourself.
    so it wouldn't bother you if you had a single divorced sister, and men were rejecting her because 'she has been with another man'

    to you, she is your sister.just divorced, ready to remarry. to the other men, she is someone that a man has used and thrown away.

    do you see how personal it can get.

    wjhy should we accept that men think like this. We should be changing that mindset.

    whose shaming? I do find it pathetic. I am just stating what I think.
    I hate the double standards. we don't look at men and say - oh he has married already. he has been with another woman. why do we do the same with women???

    if we are talking about Zina, I think that is different because to commit zina is not the act itself but also a change in attitude - e.g. disobedience to Allah swt. but I think brothers should see the person as they are now. has that person repented, have they changed, are they remorseful - instead of condemning her
    Last edited by Muslima London; 09-07-16, 12:32 PM.
    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

    Comment


    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      Originally posted by I See You View Post
      It is totally about preferences/choices and these preferences/choices could also depend on individual's own circumstances. However, the example you gave is a matter of perspective. A person who've protected themselves are aware of the struggle to protect oneself and would naturally prefer someone who've also protected themselves. Whereas, those who have bad past are aware that they've messed up and probably no one would accept them, so they would naturally prefer someone on the same boat. Whatever they decided, let them be.

      Now regarding relationship experience, it does not come with how many bad pasts an individual has, if it was so, it wouldn't be called "past" to begin with. Relationship Experiences in my opinion comes from Knowledge, Observations and Upbringing.

      The issue here is that (or at least it seems that), you're picking up the bad apples and painting it on other people through generalization. If judging was allowed, I'd judge that divorced guy with no kids that you've met is full of himself and arrogant whereas the guy with a past has no one to accept him and hence looked into you as his only option due of his past but it's not allowed. If you're talking about people with pride/arrogance/ego or other negative traits whether virgin or not, whether pasts or no pasts, there are many and they should not be the basis to our discussion.



      That's devil's speech. May Allah protect us. If what you said has any value, then we should be looking for a sister with many 'pasts' as possible as they are the most "experienced" in regards to relationship. Whoever said this has the most warped mentality ever. This is why Knowledge is a priority. I'm aware that you used 'probably' but its wrong.
      you go on like I could look at a person and see his past written on his face

      the guy with the past had a good education, had his own home, had a good job, was a hafiz. he didn't have to disclose he had a past to me, but he chose to do so.
      so it wasn't about - got no one to marry me. will get so DESPERATE that I have to marry Muslima London

      and I would not go for someone who has a past 'on purpose' but I really think if a person has truly been remorseful then they can come out of it with good aqualities of humbleness, acceptance of others, etc
      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

      Comment


      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
        so it wouldn't bother you if you had a single divorced sister, and men were rejecting her because 'she has been with another man'

        to you, she is your sister. to the other men, she is someone that a man has used and thrown away.

        do you see how personal it can get.

        wjhy should we accept that men think like this. We should be changing that mindset.

        whose shaming? I do find it pathetic. I am just stating what I think.
        I hate the double standards. we don't look at men and say - oh he has married already. he has been with another woman. why do we do the same with women???

        if we are talking about Zina, I think that is different because to commit zina is not the act itself but also a change in attitude - e.g. disobedience to Allah swt. but I think brothers should see the person as they are now. has that person repented, have they changed, are they remorseful - instead of condemning her
        if a girl has been with someone after marriage that is of course ok but before marriage is not ok. i just wanted to make myself clear. and any brother who thinks the first is wrong are wrong themselves. obviously if they dont wanna marry a divorcee thats their choice but if they think the girl is "bad" because of her marriage is wrong.

        i'd pick a sister who was divorced and was only in a relationship with her husband any day over a sister who was in a relationship with her boyfriend and never married.

        Comment


        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by peras1 View Post
          Are you saying you will feel no type of way if a revert womens ex partner approached you on the street with you and her and he laughed at you and said hes already experienced it?
          Why you basing your point on some small scenario that may never happen lol. I'm just mentioning that you shouldn't bring people's past into the present especially after they've changed and done tawbah. If Allah swt can forgive them, who are we to bring it up again? And if it's a personal preference, then please don't generalise all men by saying Allah fashioned us this way.

          And do I even need to mention the Iman of reverts after they leave their jahilliyyah subhanallah, better than many born muslims.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            It's just how it is. You can rant all you want, call them pathetic, but it'll never change. Honestly tired of women constantly shaming men for their natural preferences, getting triggered over the virginity thing.

            Dont even know why you care. Most of the men who feel this way you wouldn't even want to marry yourself.
            so it wouldn't bother you if you had a single divorced sister, and men were rejecting her because 'she has been with another man'

            to you, she is your sister. to the other men, she is someone that a man has used and thrown away.

            do you see how personal it can get.

            wjhy should we accept that men think like this. We should be changing that mindset.

            whose shaming? I do find it pathetic. I am just stating what I think.
            I hate the double standards. we don't look at men and say - oh he has married already. he has been with another woman. why do we do the same with women???

            if we are talking about Zina, I think that is different because to commit zina is not the act itself but also a change in attitude - e.g. disobedience to Allah swt. but I think brothers should see the person as they are now. has that person repented, have they changed, are they remorseful - instead of condemning her
            It would bother me of course, but at the same time I would not blame or shame those men at all. I understand how they feel. Its a completely natural preference.

            For the record, I agree with you. Its pretty stupid to pass up a pious woman just because she's done things back when she was a different person altogether. Pious women don't grow on trees, so you gotta take every opportunity you can get.

            But I fully understand how men feel about this issue, and I won't blame them for what are natural feelings.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by peras1 View Post
              Originally posted by Deeni Akh View Post
              Allah swt fashioned us to bring people's past into their present?
              Are you saying you will feel no type of way if a revert womens ex partner approached you on the street with you and her and he laughed at you and said hes already experienced it?
              Dude, I get what you mean cause that'd be super ego destroying, but that scenario would never happen lol.

              Comment


              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by Deeni Akh View Post
                Why you basing your point on some small scenario that may never happen lol. I'm just mentioning that you shouldn't bring people's past into the present especially after they've changed and done tawbah. If Allah swt can forgive them, who are we to bring it up again?

                And do I even need to mention the Iman of reverts after they leave their jahilliyyah subhanallah, better than many born muslims.
                The majority of us Muslims will never marry a non virgin. Either get with the program or get left behind. I dont give a crap about their iman or how much better you think they are then born muslims. We men will never go and marry someone who had one night stands. Even kuffar have these standards.

                I would rather marry a non hijabi then someone who lost her virginity in haram whether they are born muslims or revert.

                Comment


                • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                  you go on like I could look at a person and see his past written on his face

                  the guy with the past had a good education, had his own home, had a good job, was a hafiz. he didn't have to disclose he had a past to me, but he chose to do so.
                  so it wasn't about - got no one to marry me. will get so DESPERATE that I have to marry Muslima London

                  and I would not go for someone who has a past 'on purpose' but I really think if a person has truly been remorseful then they can come out of it with good aqualities of humbleness, acceptance of others, etc
                  That's very rich coming from you sister as you're the one who kept talking about guys as if you could clearly read their heart and mind.

                  And please don't mix issues here, you said " the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that."... I wonder which sane woman would stand in queue of guys with most pasts because after all, that virgin dude has no experience of relationship ? League Of Legend.
                  ďYou don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!Ē

                  Comment


                  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                    Originally posted by peras1 View Post
                    The majority of us Muslims will never marry a non virgin. Either get with the program or get left behind. I dont give a crap about their iman or how much better you think they are then born muslims. We men will never go and marry someone who had one night stands. Even kuffar have these standards.

                    I would rather marry a non hijabi then someone who lost her virginity in haram whether they are born muslims or revert.
                    honestly a lot of us will never know. how can u find out such a thing. sometimes ignorance is best.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      Originally posted by I See You View Post
                      That's very rich coming from you sister as you're the one who kept talking about guys as if you could clearly read their heart and mind.

                      And please don't mix issues here, you said " the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that."... I wonder which sane woman would stand in queue of guys with most pasts because after all, that virgin dude has no experience of relationship ? League Of Legend.
                      I don't need to read their minds

                      I m on this threads READING what they are writing and thinking

                      as for that comments, I think ther is truth to it.
                      most men who have had not been in a relationsnihp wrongly assume that all you need for a good marriage is a pretty face, fit woman, good cook and good housewifey skills. There is more to marriage then that. none of those things will contain a marriage. it all the other things which wlll hold a marriage together.

                      and no one in their rightr mind would give up a brother who has good qualities JuST because he has not been in a relationship but no one should give up a brother with good qualities just because he has had a past
                      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                      Comment


                      • Is not being experienced a problem

                        The thread is officially closed, anyone that replies after this post of mine is a chicken.
                        إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

                        Comment


                        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Narrated by Anas ibn Malik RA: Allah's Messenger :saw: said. "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

                          Comment


                          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            I vouch for some users claiming about the guy's ego thing attached to his partner and her past.

                            Had a classmate who told me when she first met her boyfriend and went on a date (non practicing cultural Muslims) you'd expect the guy to ask her what she's doing, what does she study, what are her interests and all that. Instead, the 1st thing the guy asked, "so... how many guys you been with before me?"and " how long have yall been together?" "Cuz..i just wanna know"

                            This was a really shy guy who was apparently too shy to talk her because it's his first, but boy he had to guts to pry on her history like he's entitled tk.

                            Not the first time she gets asked this, but by her previous exes too. Lol

                            I guess it's indeed a ego thing...
                            Last edited by nudgetheputri; 09-07-16, 01:05 PM.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by iRepIslam View Post
                              The thread is officially closed, anyone that replies after this post of mine is a chicken.
                              So am a chicken now?Irep aren't you to young for this thread.
                              Ya Allah,
                              Make me a stronger person today. Make me a better person out of all these. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and You are the only One who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else.
                              "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak

                              Comment


                              • Is not being experienced a problem

                                [MENTION=119636]patient believer[/MENTION]

                                19 ain't young babes
                                إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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