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  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
    They would because it'd be hypocritical for someone with a past to be demanding a virgin.

    And not many virgin women would be willing to accept a man with a past of zina.

    It works both ways.
    Originally posted by I See You View Post
    [ATTACH=CONFIG]84705[/ATTACH]

    Lemme guess, Abu Specialist obviously can't find someone who would accept his past or baggage, so common sense would be, to find someone with similar past or baggage. This has nothing to do with being open minded and stuff, rather they've got no choice really. In fact, for a person with no past or baggage to accept someone with one, that's big time open minded.
    first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

    2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

    I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

    I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
    [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION]
    most often then not - its not about not wanting to marry a revert. its usually because hteir family would want them to marry within their own culture. As for the whole virgin / non virgin issue my theory is this. If the guy is a virgin, doesn't have a past he will do what he can to seek perfection in the woman he ends up marrying because hey face it, he's probably been dreaming about the hoor al ayns since he was 15 whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.

    and NO, not saying that been aroundt the block boy is better then virgin boy. just saying that their epereices prepare them a bit better.
    Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________
    If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

    You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



    please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

    Comment


    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      And why is that?
      Why is what ?

      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      I understand that majority of muslim men want to marry a virgin, but why? Like they litterally see the woman as an ice cream which has been licked by someone else and this is the best metaphor for that, dont say its wrong now. How childish is that? Wasnt aicha r.a. the only virgin wife of muhammad saws?
      That wasn't even the point and you yourself claimed that " it doesn't make a difference if hes a virgin or not, it really doesn't matter " but somehow you seem obsessed against virgins and the subject on virginity :scratch:

      Firstly, I would like to advise you to fear Allah when using metaphor or arguing against His messenger because the recommendation to marry virgins came from our Prophet.

      Secondly, Why do Men like virgin Women ? Simple, they both are virgins so why not ?....

      Thirdly, Yes, Aisha RA was the only virgin and she even boasted about it as Prophet's preference....but 'childish' you say ? Read this, Narrated `Aisha: I said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: `Aisha meant that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had not married a virgin besides herself .) (Bukhari)

      Lastly, we're not talking about the negative homosapiens.
      ďYou don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!Ē

      Comment


      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        @Muslima London

        i always wondered whats the benefit of sinning or not being perfect. i think its so we can be more understanding towards one another. if there was such a thing as being perfect, then we would look down upon everyone else and have an ego. and thats the example from the prophet swt that he was perfect but he didnt have an ego or look down on others who werent as good as he was. he was forgiving and merciful and we all should strive to be more like him.

        when one is talking, they're not learning anything.
        Last edited by Pippin1376; 09-07-16, 01:24 PM. Reason: No need to expose sins

        Comment


        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by Muslima London View Post

          I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.
          This section exists? lols
          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

          Comment


          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

            Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
            first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

            2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

            I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

            I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
            [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION]
            most often then not - its not about not wanting to marry a revert. its usually because hteir family would want them to marry within their own culture. As for the whole virgin / non virgin issue my theory is this. If the guy is a virgin, doesn't have a past he will do what he can to seek perfection in the woman he ends up marrying because hey face it, he's probably been dreaming about the hoor al ayns since he was 15 whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.

            and NO, not saying that been aroundt the block boy is better then virgin boy. just saying that their epereices prepare them a bit better.
            Rep coming you way. You said it perfectly. I'd prefer a virgin though.
            '' WE LIVE IN AN INTERESTING TIME, WHERE THE 'ILM (KNOWLEDGE) OF A PERSON IS JUDGED BY HOW FAMOUS THE PERSON IS.''


            - IMAM ANWAR AL 'AWLAQI.

            Comment


            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

              Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
              @Muslima London

              i always wondered whats the benefit of sinning or not being perfect. i think its so we can be more understanding towards one another. if there was such a thing as being perfect, then we would look down upon everyone else and have an ego. and thats the example from the prophet swt that he was perfect but he didnt have an ego or look down on others who werent as good as he was. he was forgiving and merciful and we all should strive to be more like him.

              when one is talking, they're not learning anything.
              I agree with you

              Alhamdulillah I have not had a past and I know I am more judgemental then a lot of other people whereas when I was looking into one potential who had a past. what I was aware of was how remorseful he was about that past, and how understanding he was about other peoples faults. When you have something you are ashamed about, you are humbled by Allah swt. to be humble is to be a good state because you look down on the grouun rather then up at the sky.

              and no, not to say everyone should be out ther committing sin astaghfirullaha.
              but we should stay humble, grateful to Allah swt that it is HE who has kept away from the bad path and kept us righteous
              Last edited by Pippin1376; 09-07-16, 01:25 PM. Reason: Quote edited
              Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
              __________________________________________________ _____________________________
              If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

              You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



              please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

              Comment


              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by mohmin View Post
                I'd prefer someone with experience too, ok its going to sound shameful but if you want me to be honest....


                ...well everyone wants a good time when it comes to... that

                and therefore one of you needs to know what you are doing

                ahem ahem ahem ok thats all i'm saying



                yeah thats why i'm open-minded to being a 2nd wife honestly.

                there is a guy i am actually interested in who is older and married already but i'm waiting for him to ask me.

                if he asks, i'll probably say yes even though i will partly feel bad about it too
                Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
                Last edited by menk; 09-07-16, 11:00 AM.
                I rather be hated by everybody else, but loved by Allah. Than be loved by everybody else and hated by Allah.

                Comment


                • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                  This section exists? lols
                  here we go

                  check out the sticky threads at the beginning
                  Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                  __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                  If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                  You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                  please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                  Comment


                  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                    Originally posted by menk View Post
                    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So are you purely marrying him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
                    I wonder where the wali is in all of this.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      [MENTION=139589]mohmin[/MENTION]

                      please stay AWAY from the married man

                      if he approaches you for marriage, then great . tell him to go STRAIGHT to your wali.

                      really hope your not chasing after a man who is somebody elses husband. If I WAS that man's wife, I would be really peeved off. I swear I would want to beat any woman who had an eye on my husband
                      Last edited by Muslima London; 09-07-16, 11:07 AM.
                      Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                      __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                      If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                      You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                      please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                      Comment


                      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                        Originally posted by I See You View Post
                        Why is what ?



                        That wasn't even the point and you yourself claimed that " it doesn't make a difference if hes a virgin or not, it really doesn't matter " but somehow you seem obsessed against virgins and the subject on virginity :scratch:

                        Firstly, I would like to advise you to fear Allah when using metaphor or arguing against His messenger because the recommendation to marry virgins came from our Prophet.

                        Secondly, Why do Men like virgin Women ? Simple, they both are virgins so why not ?....

                        Thirdly, Yes, Aisha RA was the only virgin and she even boasted about it as Prophet's preference....but 'childish' you say ? Read this, Narrated `Aisha: I said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: `Aisha meant that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had not married a virgin besides herself .) (Bukhari)

                        Lastly, we're not talking about the negative homosapiens.
                        I wasnt the one to derail the thread
                        يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                        O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                        Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                        Comment


                        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                          first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

                          2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

                          I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

                          I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
                          [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION]
                          most often then not - its not about not wanting to marry a revert. its usually because hteir family would want them to marry within their own culture. As for the whole virgin / non virgin issue my theory is this. If the guy is a virgin, doesn't have a past he will do what he can to seek perfection in the woman he ends up marrying because hey face it, he's probably been dreaming about the hoor al ayns since he was 15 whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.

                          and NO, not saying that been aroundt the block boy is better then virgin boy. just saying that their epereices prepare them a bit better.
                          loool :rotfl:

                          Comment


                          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                            first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

                            2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

                            I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

                            I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
                            Your points have been answered. Yes, we all have baggages and it's common sense to go for similar baggages in most cases. So these preferences/choices/decisions are based on individual's circumstances rather than what you thought was unique and exceptional traits of an individual.

                            Secondly, you argued that you're not looking for virgins who are still learning from marriage resources, Why ? Because you've mastered that resources, so you would obviously prefer someone equally down your path. As I said, these preferences/choices etc is based on individual's circumstances. So whoever accepts you or those men with kids, are not an exceptional "open minded" human being, rather just someone with a common sense.

                            Also, it doesn't matter even if you're looking for damn virgins if those damn virgins are not looking for you. They are not blamed, neither are you. That's reality.

                            Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                            whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.
                            This sounds very wrong but let's break it down for others, Are you talking about 'Good past' (Genuine Divorcees, Widows..) or 'Bad past' (Playboy...) ?
                            ďYou don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!Ē

                            Comment


                            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by I See You View Post
                              Your points have been answered. Yes, we all have baggages and it's common sense to go for similar baggages in most cases. So these preferences/choices/decisions are based on individual's circumstances rather than what you thought was unique and exceptional traits of an individual.

                              Secondly, you argued that you're not looking for virgins who are still learning from marriage resources, Why ? Because you've mastered that resources, so you would obviously prefer someone equally down your path. As I said, these preferences/choices etc is based on individual's circumstances. So whoever accepts you or those men with kids, are not an exceptional "open minded" human being, rather just someone with a common sense.

                              Also, it doesn't matter even if you're looking for damn virgins if those damn virgins are not looking for you. They are not blamed, neither are you. That's reality.



                              This sounds very wrong but let's break it down for others, Are you talking about 'Good past' (Genuine Divorcees, Widows..) or 'Bad past' (Playboy...) ?
                              its not really about preferences / choices is it though

                              I don't care if a virgin wants to marry me or not. what my point is that often those who have no experience of life - e.g. brothers who have 'saved themselves' have very high expectations for themselves and think they are themost deserving whereas those wh o have the past understand that we are not all perfect, probably have a more realistic view of what relationships are

                              I was looking into one brother. Divorced himself but no kids
                              he had the cheek to say that I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL that he is looking into me. anyway I bid farewell to him. a few months down the line I was interested in another brother, younger then me but with a past. (repented and all that). not once did he make me feel that the children would be a burden to him. its the change in attitude, the maturity around what he will be getting int his marriage. I just find tha certain brothers put themselfves on a pedestal.. They think they are pretty special coz they are 'religous' so they thlnk they deserve someone worthy of that pedestal spot

                              and we are talking about bad past - relationship, had a g/f - not necessary committed zina - but just had a g/f
                              Ibnul Qayyim رحمه الله said: "Donít ruin your happiness with worry, and donít ruin your mind with pessimism. Donít ruin your success with deception and donít ruin the optimism of others by destroying it. Donít ruin your day by looking back at yesterday.
                              __________________________________________________ _____________________________
                              If you think about your situation, you will find that Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) has given you things without asking, so have trust in Allaah (سبحانه وتعالى) that He doesnít prevent anything you want except there is goodness for you.

                              You could be sleeping and the doors of the heavens are being opened with duaías being made on your behalf, SubhanAllaah: perhaps from someone poor whom you helped, or someone sad whom you brought joy, or someone passing by and you smiled at him, or someone in distress and you removed it.. so donít ever underestimate any good deeds."



                              please donate to the Ummah forum sadaqa jariya project. Click on the link for for more information, and to make a donation- https://www.justgiving.com/sadaqah-jariyah-project/

                              Comment


                              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                                i thought this thread was going to be about a job interview or something....














                                :vomit:

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