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  • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    did u get ur answer? i still am confused what u were asking? or being treated horrible by muslim than reverts etc...
    The q was how do we stop brothers from crushing girls hearts, because they fooled themselves into thinking they were in love when they really werent bc they dont know what love is
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      I agree with you brother, i really do, but there is another type of beother, who doesn't use his brain and chases his nafs, now my ex husband used to tell me I'm of more value to him then his whole family, and all of the sudden 1 day i had no value to him anymore what so ever, and my wxplination for that is that he wasnt in love from the start because he didn't know the difference between love and a crush
      im sorry to hear ur going through that. in the process u couldve asked him like why he wants to marry in general and specifically to u and see what he says. and u should also see what kind of questions hes asking u. like i asked her a lot of serious questions like about future, religion, family etc. So yes it started with liking somebody for their looks but then u go deeper and look at their religion, character, personality etc.

      I think for ur next guy, u need to see why he wants to marry u and make sure its not only for the looks. and u can find out by what he asks u, and how he treats u etc. dont u like the idea that the brother saved himself for u. also the idea he had the opportunity to do haram but he said no when he was single so he will def say no after marriage. if a guy can sleep around when hes single, he might continue after marriage too. and compare u to the girls he committed haram with. i dont think u want that.

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      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

        8 pages!!! No guesses for what occupies most people's mind...

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        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

          Originally posted by aynina View Post
          The q was how do we stop brothers from crushing girls hearts, because they fooled themselves into thinking they were in love when they really werent bc they dont know what love is
          It takes two people to say "yes" what's the girls excuse?

          Comment


          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

            Originally posted by aynina View Post
            The q was how do we stop brothers from crushing girls hearts, because they fooled themselves into thinking they were in love when they really werent bc they dont know what love is
            but that can go other way too. i was the serious one in the process where my ex was like yeah im getting married because im of the right age and my family thinks i should. so i asked her a lot of serious questions where she didnt have as many. and after nikah, she lied, did drugs, contact another man behind my back. so it can go both ways. so WE need to be sure the other person knows what theyre getting into, what the roles are of each spouse, and theyre marrying u for the right reasons. they know ur not perfect and accept u for it. they also ask the right questions. so if im looking at a girl from back home and shes interested more in my citizenship status or money those r red flags and shows the intent. or if she talks about my looks a lot or of materialistic things then thats also sign.

            also love doesnt happen overnight. it takes time to build.

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            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

              The reason you feel this way is because of your failed marriage......sister you married an immature, inexperienced (in life) 18 year old brat....after he got what he wanted.... the shock of marriage and reality hit him, he ran away and cut off contact like a coward. His mother then had to deal with the aftermath of his bad decisions .....you were a naive, innocent revert that got duped into marrying a boy and even got doubled duped into making his friend your wali.....your 18 year old ex was behaving like a 14 year old in his marriage...you would have been better suited to an older mature man rather than a boy who acted like he just hit puberty...

              You are WRONG to think that these experienced men will respect a woman just because of their pasts....as someone mentioned earlier, a man will treat you based on his upbringing, character etc....it has nothing to do with whether he has experience of being with the opposite gender...
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
                im sorry to hear ur going through that. in the process u couldve asked him like why he wants to marry in general and specifically to u and see what he says. and u should also see what kind of questions hes asking u. like i asked her a lot of serious questions like about future, religion, family etc. So yes it started with liking somebody for their looks but then u go deeper and look at their religion, character, personality etc.

                I think for ur next guy, u need to see why he wants to marry u and make sure its not only for the looks. and u can find out by what he asks u, and how he treats u etc. dont u like the idea that the brother saved himself for u. also the idea he had the opportunity to do haram but he said no when he was single so he will def say no after marriage. if a guy can sleep around when hes single, he might continue after marriage too. and compare u to the girls he committed haram with. i dont think u want that.
                I dont want a guy who slept around, and I'm not more inclined to a guy that saved himself because it makes me feel akward and usually judged because i didn't save myself, to me it doesnt make a difference if hes a virgin or not, it really doesnt matter, but its the attitude and emotional treatment that comes along with that that turns me off, virgins often feel superior. Like has been said in the thread before, some chaste men spit on non virgins and are grossed out by reverts, now i dont see myself marrying such a man
                يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                Comment


                • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                  It takes two people to say "yes" what's the girls excuse?
                  She buys his nonsense

                  And to yr comment above that; i wanna make clear that i never wanted the topic of this thread to be sex in particular but i meant for it to be about behaviour towards woman, or i didnt make that clear enough, or certain people see something simalar to this 1 topic and decide to derail the thread and go bezerk
                  يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                  O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                  Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                  Comment


                  • Is not being experienced a problem

                    Fools make feasts and wise men eat them
                    إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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                    • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                      Originally posted by aynina View Post
                      She buys his nonsense

                      And to yr comment above that; i wanna make clear that i never wanted the topic of this thread to be sex in particular but i meant for it to be about behaviour towards woman, or i didnt make that clear enough, or certain people see something simalar to this 1 topic and decide to derail the thread and go bezerk
                      Sounds like she needs fixing more.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                        The reason you feel this way is because of your failed marriage......sister you married an immature, inexperienced (in life) 18 year old brat....after he got what he wanted.... the shock of marriage and reality hit him, he ran away and cut off contact like a coward. His mother then had to deal with the aftermath of his bad decisions .....you were a naive, innocent revert that got duped into marrying a boy and even got doubled duped into making his friend your wali.....your 18 year old ex was behaving like a 14 year old in his marriage...you would have been better suited to an older mature man rather than a boy who acted like he just hit puberty...

                        You are WRONG to think that these experienced men will respect a woman just because of their pasts....as someone mentioned earlier, a man will treat you based on his upbringing, character etc....it has nothing to do with whether he has experience of being with the opposite gender...
                        Yea you're right sis i have been dumb and i know those arent ur words but they are my own, but there are many men like him out there i believe sis, it makes me scared that there are very little sincere men out there
                        يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                        O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                        Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                        Comment


                        • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                          Originally posted by aynina View Post
                          I dont want a guy who slept around, and I'm not more inclined to a guy that saved himself because it makes me feel akward and usually judged because i didn't save myself, to me it doesnt make a difference if hes a virgin or not, it really doesnt matter, but its the attitude and emotional treatment that comes along with that that turns me off, virgins often feel superior. Like has been said in the thread before, some chaste men spit on non virgins and are grossed out by reverts, now i dont see myself marrying such a man
                          well their wrong for that attitude. nobody is better than others if they have left their past and moved on. idk why someone would be grossed out by reverts. if anything they might be hesitant because they dont know if you'll go back to ur old life. u can see this while talking to him and see how he talks to u and if he looks down upon u. im sure he'll know ur a revert and have been in relationship and if he still treats u nicely then thats a good sign.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            Sounds like she needs fixing more.
                            Girls are naïve and easily bribed with nice speech
                            يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                            O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                            Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                            Comment


                            • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                              Originally posted by aynina View Post
                              Girls are naïve and easily bribed with nice speech
                              sounds like girls should also use their brain and heart when deciding. so the heart likes the good speech and looks etc. but the brain should also ask some questions about his views, personality, religion etc and use both parts to make a decision.

                              Comment


                              • Re: Is not being experienced a problem

                                Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
                                tbh I get what she is saying

                                as a divorcee with children, who is 'looking' to reamarry I often find that those men who have had 'pasts' are a bit more accepting of someone with children, more open minded and not necessarily looking for perfection in someone they want.

                                always confused me, that difference in attaitude
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                                Lemme guess, Abu Specialist obviously can't find someone who would accept his past or baggage, so common sense would be, to find someone with similar past or baggage. This has nothing to do with being open minded and stuff, rather they've got no choice really. In fact, for a person with no past or baggage to accept someone with one, that's big time open minded.
                                “You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

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