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Is not being experienced a problem

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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by aynina View Post
    The q was how do we stop brothers from crushing girls hearts, because they fooled themselves into thinking they were in love when they really werent bc they dont know what love is
    It takes two people to say "yes" what's the girls excuse?

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    8 pages!!! No guesses for what occupies most people's mind...

    Leave a comment:


  • hassaan561
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by aynina View Post
    I agree with you brother, i really do, but there is another type of beother, who doesn't use his brain and chases his nafs, now my ex husband used to tell me I'm of more value to him then his whole family, and all of the sudden 1 day i had no value to him anymore what so ever, and my wxplination for that is that he wasnt in love from the start because he didn't know the difference between love and a crush
    im sorry to hear ur going through that. in the process u couldve asked him like why he wants to marry in general and specifically to u and see what he says. and u should also see what kind of questions hes asking u. like i asked her a lot of serious questions like about future, religion, family etc. So yes it started with liking somebody for their looks but then u go deeper and look at their religion, character, personality etc.

    I think for ur next guy, u need to see why he wants to marry u and make sure its not only for the looks. and u can find out by what he asks u, and how he treats u etc. dont u like the idea that the brother saved himself for u. also the idea he had the opportunity to do haram but he said no when he was single so he will def say no after marriage. if a guy can sleep around when hes single, he might continue after marriage too. and compare u to the girls he committed haram with. i dont think u want that.

    Leave a comment:


  • aynina
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    did u get ur answer? i still am confused what u were asking? or being treated horrible by muslim than reverts etc...
    The q was how do we stop brothers from crushing girls hearts, because they fooled themselves into thinking they were in love when they really werent bc they dont know what love is

    Leave a comment:


  • hassaan561
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by aynina View Post
    At least I'd win something
    did u get ur answer? i still am confused what u were asking? or being treated horrible by muslim than reverts etc...

    Leave a comment:


  • aynina
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    Im confused. You're saying a guy who hasnt had a relationship will pick u just for ur looks so u want somebody whose had girlfriends etc? I think theres always battle between the brain and heart. The heart is the emotional one where brain is the logical one. My wife was my first relationship and yes it started with looks and i found her pretty but i also used my brain to ask her the right questions. So if someone asked me why u wanna marry her I can give logical reasons. Not just because shes pretty.

    One problem with marrying someone whose had a past is theyre not as excited anymore. So if a guy has had 10 girlfriends or slept with several women, you wont mean as much to him and he wont do as much for u. That will show in relationship. Since this was my first relationship i did everything because i was excited and i wanted to. But if i had done all the things before like going to movie, or dinner, or valentines etc then it wouldnt be as exciting. And for girls, they can still be emotionally attached to her ex which is problem. I've heard of women going back to their old lover after marriage because they miss them etc. my soon to be ex decided to text back a guy she knew several years ago and it broke the trust and our marriage.

    i would consider myself the luckiest man on the earth if i found an "inexperienced girl" and thank god everyday for bringing her to me. all the bad relationship change ur idea about the other sex. mostly in a negative way. like i can be like my last wife did these horrible things so next girl will also be like that or all girls are like that which is unhealthy.
    I agree with you brother, i really do, but there is another type of beother, who doesn't use his brain and chases his nafs, now my ex husband used to tell me I'm of more value to him then his whole family, and all of the sudden 1 day i had no value to him anymore what so ever, and my wxplination for that is that he wasnt in love from the start because he didn't know the difference between love and a crush

    Leave a comment:


  • aynina
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Look's like the thread has run out of steam. We have a total of 8 pages. Tut tut, OP, not nearly enough to be nominated for the "Most Controversial Threadmaker 2016" award.
    At least I'd win something

    Leave a comment:


  • hassaan561
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by aynina View Post
    :salams

    Im sorry guys but I'm totally serious about the title. I have a slight suspicion this will be closed or removed, but i have to figure this out its been occupying my mind for the longest time.

    So basically i have this feeling that muslim boys/men misinterpret their sexual desires as love. For example they want to satisfy their desire and because of that, they think they are in love with a certain girl but they are not. They're just sexually frustrated and their nafs trick them into thinking the first girl that crosses their path is the love of their lives,and they marry the girl. But then after their desire is satisfied, they realise the girl isnt even close to compatible, and they are unhappy in marriage and everything goes downhill from there.

    I feel like this is the cause of many failed marriages. And i feel like if a man is experienced through jahiliyya, they have more respect for woman and they actually know how to treat a woman decently. I haven't been disrespected as much by kuffar/reverts as i have been disrespected by muslim men in my life, and it upsets me how many muslim guys expect nudity, inappropriate speech, etc. while kuffar or reverts are way more respecting.

    Whats the solution for inexperienced men? Im totally serious whats the solution? I dont see marriage as a solution because they can't provide for a wife, they dont have responsibility, and even though they think they can pull it off, once they jump into it they realise after 2 months they made a mistake.
    Seriously what is the problem/cause here? And what can we do about it??
    Im confused. You're saying a guy who hasnt had a relationship will pick u just for ur looks so u want somebody whose had girlfriends etc? I think theres always battle between the brain and heart. The heart is the emotional one where brain is the logical one. My wife was my first relationship and yes it started with looks and i found her pretty but i also used my brain to ask her the right questions. So if someone asked me why u wanna marry her I can give logical reasons. Not just because shes pretty.

    One problem with marrying someone whose had a past is theyre not as excited anymore. So if a guy has had 10 girlfriends or slept with several women, you wont mean as much to him and he wont do as much for u. That will show in relationship. Since this was my first relationship i did everything because i was excited and i wanted to. But if i had done all the things before like going to movie, or dinner, or valentines etc then it wouldnt be as exciting. And for girls, they can still be emotionally attached to her ex which is problem. I've heard of women going back to their old lover after marriage because they miss them etc. my soon to be ex decided to text back a guy she knew several years ago and it broke the trust and our marriage.

    i would consider myself the luckiest man on the earth if i found an "inexperienced girl" and thank god everyday for bringing her to me. all the bad relationship change ur idea about the other sex. mostly in a negative way. like i can be like my last wife did these horrible things so next girl will also be like that or all girls are like that which is unhealthy.
    Last edited by hassaan561; 09-07-16, 09:31 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeverMonotheist1
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Actually i see it ias different. Inexperienced man who never did zina in his life will treat woman better.
    There is this co-worker from the past, he never did zina and he is young Eritrean christian who doesnt busy himself with girls, just focusses on work.
    Then there is another christian guy and muslim guy who swims in pool of zina, going from girl to other girl.
    Lol


    Like the prophet(peace be upon him and his family) said that u must go for man with akhlaaq(manners) and religion.


    If u mean with experience something else, like caring for women and knowing how treat them then u are almost right. Inexperienced men also have sisters, mother. Perhaps they would treat women better because of their sisters and mothers.
    Last edited by ForeverMonotheist1; 09-07-16, 09:01 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    I'm sure no Muslim is losing out in the dating, opposite gender, relationship scene if they've always obeyed commandments of Allah. Commandments such as to lower the gaze, fast, avoiding bad company and thinking of death often and other practical tips which are islamically recommended to curb the temptations.

    The barakah from getting married may not be as visible as the unIslamic behavior portrayed around you guys to see. You take in what you see, not the unseen which is understandble that OP and many among us are feeling deceived and confused in this "experience-comes-in-handy-fo-you" issue. We think that's whatever you think is popular or trendy is always right, but unfortunately some behaviors (staying chaste, fearing God, thinking twice before commiting an act etc) which are conventionally (depending on your mindset) unpopular are islamically commended. That's the hard part for some of us Muslims.

    But the fact remains, the barakah from pursuing things through halal means is there. It is unseen, cannot be felt through touch, and cannot be told, but it assumed that barakah is there inshallah. Personally, I think this issue has more to do with cultural environment and your media consumption that's distorting the way you idealise opposite gender.

    Practically speaking, if you really expect things to live up to your ideal fantasies, it is not impossible. You can always communicate your wants and needs with adab, to your potential or partner and make dua.

    In other words, this thread was so confusing to read.
    Last edited by nudgetheputri; 09-07-16, 08:48 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abd al-Rahman
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by peras1 View Post
    She said that kaafir men/reverts who commit zina are better at treating women and have more respect for women than Muslims who abstained from zina because they have experience. Read the thread before you post.
    I have...she said that was her perception, not that thats true for sure

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Look's like the thread has run out of steam. We have a total of 8 pages. Tut tut, OP, not nearly enough to be nominated for the "Most Controversial Threadmaker 2016" award.

    Leave a comment:


  • Dinobot
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by aynina View Post
    That verse was reveiled after the prophet saws doubted if aisha r.a. slept with another man or not

    It doesn't count for every marriagr, how do you explain a virgin being cheated on? Would you say the word of Allah is false then
    Here's ibn kathir's tafsir

    http://www.qtafsir.com/index.php?opt...2432&Itemid=79

    You are incorrect.

    Leave a comment:


  • obaid_m
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by F_R View Post
    That would be a big problem lol. Perhaps they should read books on the subject? Observe the women around them (their sisters etc). If they don't have any females around them only then would it make sense if they were literally clueless but if they have sisters then they should be aware of women in general.

    I have understood now.

    Also in Islam it's not like men and women don't interact so it might be a cultural thing too as opposed to deeni issue. I think it is more of a cultural issue than deen as someone else mentioned. Hence why you brought up reverts correct? And why do we still call reverts reverts (annoys me, new muslim is a better title) and how come you used revert and kuffsr in the same line like that? :/

    It's more of a cultural thing coz although deen wise we don't mix etc we do interact with one another unless these guys and girls literally do not ever speak to the opposite gender ever. I think it's cultural more than anything else.
    Never seen a post like so good in a while.

    Leave a comment:


  • F_R
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by GuCcI View Post
    No surprise that these kinds of threads grow the fastest
    Some things never change ;)

    Leave a comment:

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