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  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by aynina View Post

    And why is that? I understand that majority of muslim men want to marry a virgin, but why? Like they litterally see the woman as an ice cream which has been licked by someone else and this is the best metaphor for that, dont say its wrong now.
    How childish is that? Wasnt aicha r.a. the only virgin wife of muhammad saws?
    For some men its jealousy or ego, because other men have already had her.

    For others its insecurity. "Will she compare me to her past boyfriends/husbands?" They feel they have to compete with them.

    For others its just a complete turnoff. The thought of their wife having been with other men just makes them :vomit:

    Leave a comment:


  • nudgetheputri
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    funny that - back in the days when there was a wave of immigration from Bangladesh I was aksed by one young girl, recently arrived from a little village in Bangladesh to ger a book on 'the joy of sex'

    and before you ask why I was being asked. its because I had a library card.

    and some of the first girls who got into relationships in my school were the girls who came from those nice little villages you talk about.

    just because the opportunity is not there, doesn't mean the intention is there. just saying
    Lol. The girl sounds pretty young...

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by peras1 View Post
    Instead of insinuating that the majority of reverts who were engaged in zina are better than born Muslims, have you ever thought of the possibility that no decent brother wants to marry you and that the only ones that are interested you are the sexually frustrated ones?
    too many wrong things in this post

    first of all , you forget that these reverts have GIVEN UP that lifestyle for the sake of Allah swt. despite their zina past, that makes them pretty awesome people to me. they have had all the fun. They gave it up. you and I, born muslims - this is not part of our lifestyle. we are not better then them because of that. They took several steps to where we are, and they did it by choice.

    and its not nice what you just said to the sisters. why wouldn't a decent brother go for her??? She is a revert now. She has changed her lifestyle, she covers, she has Islamic values. Why shouldn't anyone decent approach her. some of you brothers just ned to clean your mouths out, or disinfect yoru fingers. the trash that you guys write - no tact, no diplomacy, no considerations at all to other peoples feelings. uurrgghh

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by peras1 View Post
    Can you imagine our mothers or grandmothers engaging in such discussions? Subhanallah. And this is an "Islamic" forum as well.

    This is precisely why I say I would rather live in a 3rd world country in my local village where my offspring won't be polluted by such disgusting behavior to the point where it has become the mainstream mind state of Muslims in the West as well.
    funny that - back in the days when there was a wave of immigration from Bangladesh I was aksed by one young girl, recently arrived from a little village in Bangladesh to ger a book on 'the joy of sex'

    and before you ask why I was being asked. its because I had a library card.

    and some of the first girls who got into relationships in my school were the girls who came from those nice little villages you talk about.

    just because the opportunity is not there, doesn't mean the intention is there. just saying

    Leave a comment:


  • meentajir
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    i thought this thread was going to be about a job interview or something....














    :vomit:

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by I See You View Post
    Your points have been answered. Yes, we all have baggages and it's common sense to go for similar baggages in most cases. So these preferences/choices/decisions are based on individual's circumstances rather than what you thought was unique and exceptional traits of an individual.

    Secondly, you argued that you're not looking for virgins who are still learning from marriage resources, Why ? Because you've mastered that resources, so you would obviously prefer someone equally down your path. As I said, these preferences/choices etc is based on individual's circumstances. So whoever accepts you or those men with kids, are not an exceptional "open minded" human being, rather just someone with a common sense.

    Also, it doesn't matter even if you're looking for damn virgins if those damn virgins are not looking for you. They are not blamed, neither are you. That's reality.



    This sounds very wrong but let's break it down for others, Are you talking about 'Good past' (Genuine Divorcees, Widows..) or 'Bad past' (Playboy...) ?
    its not really about preferences / choices is it though

    I don't care if a virgin wants to marry me or not. what my point is that often those who have no experience of life - e.g. brothers who have 'saved themselves' have very high expectations for themselves and think they are themost deserving whereas those wh o have the past understand that we are not all perfect, probably have a more realistic view of what relationships are

    I was looking into one brother. Divorced himself but no kids
    he had the cheek to say that I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL that he is looking into me. anyway I bid farewell to him. a few months down the line I was interested in another brother, younger then me but with a past. (repented and all that). not once did he make me feel that the children would be a burden to him. its the change in attitude, the maturity around what he will be getting int his marriage. I just find tha certain brothers put themselfves on a pedestal.. They think they are pretty special coz they are 'religous' so they thlnk they deserve someone worthy of that pedestal spot

    and we are talking about bad past - relationship, had a g/f - not necessary committed zina - but just had a g/f

    Leave a comment:


  • I See You
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

    2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

    I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

    I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
    Your points have been answered. Yes, we all have baggages and it's common sense to go for similar baggages in most cases. So these preferences/choices/decisions are based on individual's circumstances rather than what you thought was unique and exceptional traits of an individual.

    Secondly, you argued that you're not looking for virgins who are still learning from marriage resources, Why ? Because you've mastered that resources, so you would obviously prefer someone equally down your path. As I said, these preferences/choices etc is based on individual's circumstances. So whoever accepts you or those men with kids, are not an exceptional "open minded" human being, rather just someone with a common sense.

    Also, it doesn't matter even if you're looking for damn virgins if those damn virgins are not looking for you. They are not blamed, neither are you. That's reality.

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.
    This sounds very wrong but let's break it down for others, Are you talking about 'Good past' (Genuine Divorcees, Widows..) or 'Bad past' (Playboy...) ?

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

    2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

    I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

    I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
    [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION]
    most often then not - its not about not wanting to marry a revert. its usually because hteir family would want them to marry within their own culture. As for the whole virgin / non virgin issue my theory is this. If the guy is a virgin, doesn't have a past he will do what he can to seek perfection in the woman he ends up marrying because hey face it, he's probably been dreaming about the hoor al ayns since he was 15 whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.

    and NO, not saying that been aroundt the block boy is better then virgin boy. just saying that their epereices prepare them a bit better.
    loool :rotfl:

    Leave a comment:


  • aynina
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by I See You View Post
    Why is what ?



    That wasn't even the point and you yourself claimed that " it doesn't make a difference if hes a virgin or not, it really doesn't matter " but somehow you seem obsessed against virgins and the subject on virginity :scratch:

    Firstly, I would like to advise you to fear Allah when using metaphor or arguing against His messenger because the recommendation to marry virgins came from our Prophet.

    Secondly, Why do Men like virgin Women ? Simple, they both are virgins so why not ?....

    Thirdly, Yes, Aisha RA was the only virgin and she even boasted about it as Prophet's preference....but 'childish' you say ? Read this, Narrated `Aisha: I said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: `Aisha meant that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) had not married a virgin besides herself .) (Bukhari)

    Lastly, we're not talking about the negative homosapiens.
    I wasnt the one to derail the thread

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    [MENTION=139589]mohmin[/MENTION]

    please stay AWAY from the married man

    if he approaches you for marriage, then great . tell him to go STRAIGHT to your wali.

    really hope your not chasing after a man who is somebody elses husband. If I WAS that man's wife, I would be really peeved off. I swear I would want to beat any woman who had an eye on my husband
    Last edited by Muslima London; 09-07-16, 11:07 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • peras1
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by menk View Post
    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So are you purely marrying him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
    I wonder where the wali is in all of this.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    This section exists? lols
    here we go

    check out the sticky threads at the beginning :wink:

    Leave a comment:


  • menk
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by mohmin View Post
    I'd prefer someone with experience too, ok its going to sound shameful but if you want me to be honest....


    ...well everyone wants a good time when it comes to... that

    and therefore one of you needs to know what you are doing

    ahem ahem ahem ok thats all i'm saying



    yeah thats why i'm open-minded to being a 2nd wife honestly.

    there is a guy i am actually interested in who is older and married already but i'm waiting for him to ask me.

    if he asks, i'll probably say yes even though i will partly feel bad about it too
    Its scary that some muslimas think no different to non Muslim women. So you purely want to marry him because of that reason or is that your main reason? In addition sorry to sound crude, but it takes two to tango.
    Last edited by menk; 09-07-16, 11:00 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslima London
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by hassaan561 View Post
    @Muslima London

    i always wondered whats the benefit of sinning or not being perfect. i think its so we can be more understanding towards one another. if there was such a thing as being perfect, then we would look down upon everyone else and have an ego. and thats the example from the prophet swt that he was perfect but he didnt have an ego or look down on others who werent as good as he was. he was forgiving and merciful and we all should strive to be more like him.

    when one is talking, they're not learning anything.
    I agree with you

    Alhamdulillah I have not had a past and I know I am more judgemental then a lot of other people whereas when I was looking into one potential who had a past. what I was aware of was how remorseful he was about that past, and how understanding he was about other peoples faults. When you have something you are ashamed about, you are humbled by Allah swt. to be humble is to be a good state because you look down on the grouun rather then up at the sky.

    and no, not to say everyone should be out ther committing sin astaghfirullaha.
    but we should stay humble, grateful to Allah swt that it is HE who has kept away from the bad path and kept us righteous
    Last edited by Pippin1376; 09-07-16, 01:25 PM. Reason: Quote edited

    Leave a comment:


  • Silent being
    replied
    Re: Is not being experienced a problem

    Originally posted by Muslima London View Post
    first of all being a divorce with kids doesn't mean I have a past OR baggage. we all have 'baggages' even if we are single and are virgins

    2nd of all , I mean as opposed to 'divorced men with kids'

    I am not out ther looking for a damm virgin. trust me on that, I would rather not be married again to a man who is still checking out the 'marriage resoruces' section of ummah forum to know what to do on his wedding night. would rather not go there.

    I meant seriously, most men my age with kids themselves have problems taking on other peoples children and its often a) younger men b) guys with past who don't see it as an issue. of course these are gkuys with pasts who have 'repented' 'changed their ways'
    [MENTION=110507]aynina[/MENTION]
    most often then not - its not about not wanting to marry a revert. its usually because hteir family would want them to marry within their own culture. As for the whole virgin / non virgin issue my theory is this. If the guy is a virgin, doesn't have a past he will do what he can to seek perfection in the woman he ends up marrying because hey face it, he's probably been dreaming about the hoor al ayns since he was 15 whereas the guy who has had a past has a more 'real' perspective of what a relationship is about. He knows that looks fade, he knows tha happiness is not found in a perfect looking woman, or even a virgin. Its found in those components which make a good marriage - compatability, personality, compassion, compromise. The virgin boy doesn't have that experience of relationsihps to understand that.

    and NO, not saying that been aroundt the block boy is better then virgin boy. just saying that their epereices prepare them a bit better.
    Rep coming you way. You said it perfectly. I'd prefer a virgin though.

    Leave a comment:

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