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How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

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  • How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

    I always wondered how Muslim men and women find out if they are compatible with eachothers. Without being intimate before marriage. Western folks will take several years or more before they get serious.

  • #2
    Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

    Me too. Just like will you like his/her character, is she/he funny, do you like the same things etc

    I feel like marriage is a wild guess sometimes, or some couples just end up putting up with eachother but arent actually in love
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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    • #3
      Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

      Originally posted by hassan246 View Post
      I always wondered how Muslim men and women find out if they are compatible with eachothers. Without being intimate before marriage. Western folks will take several years or more before they decide to marry.
      I think basically there are two extremes at play, neither of them works.

      First scenario - boy and girl take it upon themselves to decide if they are compatible. bBoy and girl basically have a haram relationship (I don't mean zina) but have full interaction either in person or online/chatting/whatsapp. They exchange photos if they haven't really met, The guy says all the right things, the girl puts on her best sweet angel lovey dovey behaviour and they both think that they are in love. They both seem to have the same interests, the same views on politics, similar family backgrounds, etc etc. Its true love right? The families eventually meet as a formality and nothing can seemingly go wrong.

      But things DO go wrong because the relationship they had is all fake. They both put on acts. Neither of them did proper diligence in finding out about the other. Then when the grim reality of daily life hit them, problems begin.

      Second scenario - There is no "getting to know" at all. Pure arranged marriage where boy or girl puts full trust in parents. The type of marriages that used to happen decades ago and seemingly worked. They don't work now because we don't live "back home" anymore. Like it or not, we are westerners and we have been influenced by western values. Therefore in this kind of marriage problems will inevitably begin if there is a culture clash, if there is a personality/character clash etc.

      The correct way for us in the west in my opinion is that which most of the learned speakers on the topic suggest (like Waleed Baysouni etc). That is that the bulk of finding out what a person is like is through other people who have lived/worked/travelled with them and know what they are really like in difficult situations, etc. To determine whether there is a "spark" or attraction/chemistry, an opportunity should be given for the couple to spend time together UNDER SUPERVISION. That includes phone calls, emails etc.

      Basically Islam is not so strict that it doesn't allow you to get to know the person. But there is a good reason why it prohibits seclusion and at the same time does not encourage marriage without looking at the prospective spouse.

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      • #4
        Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

        what do you mean compatible?

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        • #5
          Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

          Originally posted by hassan246 View Post
          I always wondered how Muslim men and women find out if they are compatible with eachothers. Without being intimate before marriage. Western folks will take several years or more before they get serious.
          True, westerners take years to settle down but look at the divorce statistics. Just goes to show that you can take your sweet time getting to know someone but it can still go up in flames.

          Tbh, do your homework and most importantly, positive tawakul in Allah and lots of dua. Marriage is a gamble, for lack of a better term.
          Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

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          • #6
            Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

            Originally posted by hassan246 View Post
            I always wondered how Muslim men and women find out if they are compatible with eachothers. Without being intimate before marriage. Western folks will take several years or more before they get serious.
            Marriage is always a chance.

            Unless you start living with a person you will not get to know about character of a person.

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            • #7
              Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

              u talk and see if theres common ground or chemistry. after a few weeks do u enjoy talking to them or u just do it because u have to. u should be able to spend hours talking and enjoying each others company. like u look forward to seeing or talking to them. compatible is very broad term, but u usually look at their looks, personality, values, family, and religion and if u like what u see in this regard then i think u should say yes.

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              • #8
                Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
                True, westerners take years to settle down but look at the divorce statistics. Just goes to show that you can take your sweet time getting to know someone but it can still go up in flames.

                Tbh, do your homework and most importantly, positive tawakul in Allah and lots of dua. Marriage is a gamble, for lack of a better term.
                That's because of another reason though...

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                • #9
                  Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                  Not sure of the Islamic way, but me and my wife hung out a lot in college.
                  unconditional love for all of mankind.

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                  • #10
                    Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                    Originally posted by quark View Post
                    That's because of another reason though...
                    What's the reason?

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                    • #11
                      Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                      Originally posted by shann View Post
                      Not sure of the Islamic way, but me and my wife hung out a lot in college.
                      Well if her daddy's not around watching you sweet talking to her , you know it's not the Islamic way. Duhhh

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                      • #12
                        Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                        Originally posted by Comrox View Post
                        What's the reason?
                        Kinda like sampling food before you buy them..

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                        • #13
                          Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                          Originally posted by Comrox View Post
                          What's the reason?
                          They prefer to cohabitate rather than marry.
                          They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                            Originally posted by shann View Post
                            Not sure of the Islamic way, but me and my wife hung out a lot in college.
                            Well if her daddy's not around watching you sweet talking to her , you know it's not the Islamic way. Duhhh
                            Lol this is how the majority of Muslim youth in the US get married nowadays. No barakah in a marriage that starts off on haram footing.

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                            • #15
                              Re: How to find out if a woman is compatible with you according to Islam?

                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              Lol this is how the majority of Muslim youth in the US get married nowadays. No barakah in a marriage that starts off on haram footing.
                              "With your dad watching me?? What kind of dating is that?!?"

                              ^ i think thats one of the reasons why. Or maybe... marriage is too much to handle for some, so they stick to BGR just in case they got the wrong partner.

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