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Pros and cons of marrying back home?

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  • Pros and cons of marrying back home?

    Had a debate with my mum about this, whats your take on the title?

    I think that marrying a women back home is a good way to keep your culture so your children don't grew up with Somali like "hoyo ma taalo" as 3rd generation somalis. If she is religious as well, reputable and not solely after your passport then honestly I think it's great. Now for the women... Hmm not sure about that.

    Oh.. And do you consider someone who grew up in places like Kuwait etc as "back home" (Q for my Somalis)?

  • #2
    Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

    She'll probably just want your bassabort. Peeps back home are desperate to escape there, not sure why :scratch:
    Kuwait is not back home per se but it's still not a western society.
    And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

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    • #3
      Pros and cons of marrying back home?

      It's not bad at all, as long you know the family and they are close to your hometown.
      “Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah ? Then will you not be reminded? And they say, “There is not but our worldly life; we die and live, and nothing destroys us except time.” And they have of that no knowledge; they are only assuming.” Quran 45:23-24

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      • #4
        Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

        Originally posted by Strive View Post
        She'll probably just want your bassabort. Peeps back home are desperate to escape there, not sure why :scratch:
        Kuwait is not back home per se but it's still not a western society.
        What's so good about "Western society" that makes it better than someone who grew up in Kuwait and received an Arabic / Islamic education from toddler ages and stayed away from the filth in the West?

        I agree ppl are desperate, you know there are these people(dunno their name) who try convince you to want want to "go to the West" back home(more popular in Ethiopia tho) and then they take you to Libya and hold you for ransom for like 5k dollars else they'll just kill you. Some messed up crap, happened to my little cousin. But I've seen some good families, many tbh who got a decent education from these Egyptian private schools etc with good fathers. And you can marry family and so on if you want to as well (the idea is not that bad lol).

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        • #5
          Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

          Depends what kinda wifey u want bearing in mind u get good and bad everywhere but this is my biased opinion from what I've experienced happen around me

          Desi wife before getting citizenship status) sweet, innocent, slave, subservient, quiet will give u kids and would never raise her voice (suppressing her nature) manipulative.

          Desi wife after getting her citizenship) gossip about your fam to her relatives, moan, cunningly cause huge fights so u move out of ur parents home, she'll use the kids u have as leverage... throw tantrums,would complain about feeling left out hence you have to let her mimic the western women, would have to let her roll with westerners, she still doesn't have ur sense of humour, still has a desi accent, becomes really brave and yells at u if u so much as dare to boss her about...basically has u cowering in the corner praying to God she's not gunna cause another earthquake when all ur family gather on special occasions... ooh and she possibly has access to black magic.

          By the way disclaimer im speaking about someone I know of and she isn't the exception, alot if those desis are like that from what I've experienced, so as u can see it's left a bitter taste in ma mouth.
          "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

          "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

            Originally posted by Dedication View Post
            What's so good about "Western society" that makes it better than someone who grew up in Kuwait and received an Arabic / Islamic education from toddler ages and stayed away from the filth in the West?

            I agree ppl are desperate, you know there are these people(dunno their name) who try convince you to want want to "go to the West" back home(more popular in Ethiopia tho) and then they take you to Libya and hold you for ransom for like 5k dollars else they'll just kill you. Some messed up crap, happened to my little cousin. But I've seen some good families, many tbh who got a decent education from these Egyptian private schools etc with good fathers. And you can marry family and so on if you want to as well (the idea is not that bad lol).
            Didn't say that the western society was great.

            Yeah i've heard about that, sad stuff :(
            And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

              Originally posted by candyapple View Post
              Depends what kinda wifey u want bearing in mind u get good and bad everywhere but this is my biased opinion from what I've experienced happen around me

              Desi wife before getting citizenship status) sweet, innocent, slave, subservient, quiet will give u kids and would never raise her voice (suppressing her nature) manipulative.

              Desi wife after getting her citizenship) gossip about your fam to her relatives, moan, cunningly cause huge fights so u move out of ur parents home, she'll use the kids u have as leverage... throw tantrums,would complain about feeling left out hence you have to let her mimic the western women, would have to let her roll with westerners, she still doesn't have ur sense of humour, still has a desi accent, becomes really brave and yells at u if u so much as dare to boss her about...basically has u cowering in the corner praying to God she's not gunna cause another earthquake when all ur family gather on special occasions... ooh and she possibly has access to black magic.

              By the way disclaimer im speaking about someone I know of and she isn't the exception, alot if those desis are like that from what I've experienced, so as u can see it's left a bitter taste in ma mouth.
              Quite a generalisation but yeah I agree there are people like that.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                Originally posted by Strive View Post
                Didn't say that the western society was great.

                Yeah i've heard about that, sad stuff :(
                Westerners are way better in my opinion than the unknown agenda of desis. At least u get what u see with westerners
                "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                  Originally posted by Deeni Akh View Post
                  Quite a generalisation but yeah I agree there are people like that.
                  I know i'm so biased like that.. there's only one desi woman I know of who remained sweet kind and loving.
                  "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                  "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                    Originally posted by candyapple View Post
                    Westerners are way better in my opinion than the unknown agenda of desis. At least u get what u see with westerners
                    Hmmm
                    And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                      sorry excuse my English
                      I don't know what you'are talking about
                      but I somewhat understood that you ask about marriage from different cultures and your children will be mixed with different languages and cultures
                      is that it ?
                      الحمدلله حمدا كثيرا طيبا مباركا فيه

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                        Originally posted by candyapple View Post
                        Depends what kinda wifey u want bearing in mind u get good and bad everywhere but this is my biased opinion from what I've experienced happen around me

                        Desi wife before getting citizenship status) sweet, innocent, slave, subservient, quiet will give u kids and would never raise her voice (suppressing her nature) manipulative.

                        Desi wife after getting her citizenship) gossip about your fam to her relatives, moan, cunningly cause huge fights so u move out of ur parents home, she'll use the kids u have as leverage... throw tantrums,would complain about feeling left out hence you have to let her mimic the western women, would have to let her roll with westerners, she still doesn't have ur sense of humour, still has a desi accent, becomes really brave and yells at u if u so much as dare to boss her about...basically has u cowering in the corner praying to God she's not gunna cause another earthquake when all ur family gather on special occasions... ooh and she possibly has access to black magic.

                        By the way disclaimer im speaking about someone I know of and she isn't the exception, alot if those desis are like that from what I've experienced, so as u can see it's left a bitter taste in ma mouth.
                        Not sure if I'm planning on raising my children inshallah in England anyway. As I'm studying engineering I could easily get a job that pays better in a Muslim country like saudi/Kuwait/Qatar and I want to have a home also in the same city my mum grew up in. So having a western passport will be not that much of a benefit. And no offense but I don't think back home desi women are religious. I have a lot of good family and a lot of 3rd/4th cousins that would be a good spouse. Plenty of haffidh Al quran as well. They don't really have adhab like that in my family where the women can act like such nor would we gossip family lol that kind of messed up alhamdulilah we are all close and keep in contact. My uncle himself moved back and now is really wealthy even in western standards(6 figures+). Owns a line of bread factories that cover the city. So are his cousins now.
                        Last edited by Dedication; 21-06-16, 03:58 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                          Originally posted by Dedication View Post
                          Not sure if I'm planning on raising my children inshallah in England anyway. As I'm studying engineering I could easily get a job that pays better in a Muslim country like saudi/Kuwait/Qatar and I want to have a home also in the same city my mum grew up in. So having a western passport will be not that much of a benefit. And no offense but I don't think back home desi women are religious. I have a lot of good family and a lot of 3rd/4th cousins that would be a good spouse. Plenty of haffidh Al quran as well. They don't really have adhab like that in my family where the women can act like such nor would we gossip family lol that kind of messed up alhamdulilah we are all close and keep in contact.
                          :) I hope the best for u akhi.. when I was speaking about desi I meant people from my parts of the world etc bangladesh, maybe Pakistan maybe India though I'm not too sure of the latter two countries :)
                          "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

                          "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                            Originally posted by Dedication View Post
                            Had a debate with my mum about this, whats your take on the title?

                            I think that marrying a women back home is a good way to keep your culture so your children don't grew up with Somali like "hoyo ma taalo" as 3rd generation somalis. If she is religious as well, reputable and not solely after your passport then honestly I think it's great. Now for the women... Hmm not sure about that.

                            Oh.. And do you consider someone who grew up in places like Kuwait etc as "back home" (Q for my Somalis)?
                            i am from dubai and i married a westerner
                            and i didn't marry for a passport or whatever materialistic reason

                            you would want to ask yourself if you really do want to marry back home? it's just not as simple as going to her country, getting married and bringing her with you to your country..on paper, it reads easy but reality can be different- be aware and be prepared for any/all legalities involved with marrying a foreigner especially

                            anyway, you know yourself better than any of us here and if you want to marry from back home, whatever back home means to you, do so after a thorough search and istikharah of course
                            sigpic

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                            • #15
                              Re: Pros and cons of marrying back home?

                              pros:

                              Can speak your national language

                              same culture

                              not westernized

                              knows how to make biryani (if she's desi)

                              Cons:

                              risk that she might just want you visa or you passport

                              ummm, I'll add more when I can think of them

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