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  • Strength MM
    replied
    Re: Questions about marriage proposals

    Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
    how do I ask a girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage, without having a panic attack, or simply not knowing what to do? one girl I have in mind is my cousin on my dad's side.......she's two years younger than me......and I plan on proposing once i get my college education....but under high stress situations I tend to panic, and I have no idea how I would go about doing this.....do I call him? cause I don't have his number.......do I pull him aside to speak to him privately, and then ask him, and if so, how would I ask him, and then what happens? how do these things work? my autistic mind is kicking in and I'm hyperfocusing and obsessing with this...I really need to know....for those of you who are married, your experience would be most welcome.... :)
    This definitely is a situation which will cause some sort of fear. But I will advise you to start deep breathing and relaxing your muscles from NOW. Its a skill and it takes some time to master. Basically breathe deep, let your energy drop down into your body. Feel your feet and relax your shoulders. You will be surprised how calm and collected you feel. Elliott hulse has got some youtube videos about anxiety which is really helpful. Check them out if you want to.

    Hope it helps bro. Be brave. And know even if you fail, you learnt something and all experience is valuable. Assalamualaikum.

    Leave a comment:


  • Spicen
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    Don't even plan on being alone with the girl

    “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2546)
    Wahb ibn Munabbih has related the following lengthy story from the people of the book.’ We present it here to show the way of Satan in his attempt to mislead mankind. The story warns humans about Satan’s “sincere advice”. One must oppose the thing that Satan is calling to. Wahb said, There was a pious worshipper of the tribe of Israel. He was the most pious person of his time. During his time, there were three brothers who had a sister. She was a virgin. And they had no sister other than her. They were all about to leave the town to go to war. They did not know with whom to leave their sister and who they could trust to look after her. They all agreed to leave her with that pious person. They all trusted him. They went to him and asked if they could leave her with him. She would be in the building next to him until they return from the fighting. He refused their request and sought refuge in Allah from them and their sister. They persisted until he finally acquiesced. He said, “Put her in the house next to my place of worship.” So they put her in that house and they left, leaving her there. She remained living next to that pious person for some time. He would put food for her in front of his building of worship. Then he would lock the door and return to his place of worship. He would then tell her to come out of her house and take the food. Then Satan approached him softly. He encouraged him to treat her kindly. He told him that it was not good to make the woman come out of her house during the day as omeone may come upon her. If he took the food directly to her door that would mean a greater reward for him, He continued for some time to go to her door and place the food at the front of her door without speaking to her. Then Iblees came again and encouraged him to do good and get more reward. He said, “If you took her the food and placed it in the house for her, you would get a greater reward.” He continued to encourage him. So he started to take the food into her house. He continued like that for some time. Then Iblees came again and again encouraged him to do good. He said, “If you talk to her for a while she will be put to ease by your conversation as she is in a state of fear and she is all alone.” He then started talking to her from atop his place of worship. Then Iblees came again. He said, “If you were to come down and talk to her while she sits at her door and talks to you, that would be even more comforting for her.” He continued to encourage him until he came down and sat at his door and would talk to her. The girl would come out of her building and sit at her door and they would talk for a while. Then Iblees came again and encouraged him to get great rewards for treating her well. He said, “If you were to go from the door of your place of worship and sit close to her door, that would be even more comforting for her.” He continued exhorting him until he did so. He continued that act for a while. Then Iblees came again. This time he said, “If you enter her house and talk to her, and not make her show her face in public it would be even better for you.” He continued exhorting him until he entered her house nd spent the whole day talking to her. Then when night fell, he returned to his place of worship. Then Iblees came to him after that and continued to make her more appealing to him. Until the worshipper got upon her and kissed her. And Iblees continued to make her look nice in his eyes and desire her until he finally had sex with her. She got pregnant and gave birth to a boy. Then Iblees came and told the worshipper, “Do you not realize what the brothers of the girl will do to you when they see she has given birth to your son? You will not be safe if your matter becomes clear. You should go to the boy and kill it and bury it, that way you can conceal your affair and they will not do anything to you for what you did to her.” Then he said to him, “Do you think she will conceal from her brothers what you did to her and your killing of her son. Take her, kill her and bury her with her son.” He continued spurring him on until he killed her and threw her in the ditch with her son. Then he put a large rock over them and leveled it. Then he returned to his place of worship and worshipped therein. He stayed in that state for as long as Allah willed until the brothers came back from the fighting. They came to him and asked him about their sister. He mourned her loss and started to cry. He said, “She was the best of women and that is her grave.” The brothers came to the grave and cried over their sister and asked Allah to have mercy on her. They stayed at her grave for a few days and then went to their families. When the night overtook them and they went to their beds, Satan came to them in their sleep in the form of a traveler. He started with the eldest and asked him about their sister. The brother told him what the pious man had stated and how they were shown her grave. Satan told him that the pious man had lied. said, “He did not tell you the truth about your sister. He got her pregnant and she had his son and then he killed and buried her out of fear of you. Then he threw them in a ditch he dug behind the door of the house she was staying in, to the right of the entrance. Go and enter the house in which she stayed and on the right of the entrance you will find everything I told you about.” Then he went to the middle brother and did the same. Then he went to the youngest brother and did the same. When they woke, they were all surprised at what they had seen. When they met each other, they all said,I informed each other of what they had seen. saw an amazing thing last night,” and they The eldest said, “That dream has nothing to it so just ignore it The youngest said, “I will not leave it until I go and look at that place.” They all went until they reached the door of the place where there sister stayed. They opened the door and looked for the place that was described to them in their dreams. They found their sister and her son buried in a ditch, as they were told. They asked the worshipper about it and he confirmed what Iblees had told them. They then took him and were about to crucify him. When they had him on the wooden cross, Satan said to him, “You know that I am your companion who tempted you by the woman until you got her pregnant and you killed her and her son. If you obey me today and deny Allah, who formed and shaped you, I will rescue you from your predicament.” The worshipper then belied Allah. When he belied Allah, Satan left from being between him and the others and they were able to crucify him.’

    Leave a comment:


  • Spicen
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Originally posted by bhshawon View Post
    Don't even plan on being alone with the girl

    “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2546)
    Did you read that story about the pious worshipper and how satan bewitched him?

    Leave a comment:


  • Spicen
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
    Yes. Very much so


    Also going by OP'S other threads not good
    Somebody really, really needs to have a long, hard talk with him.

    He really needs guidance. I fear he will do something really stupid and that could put him in jail for a long time.

    Leave a comment:


  • bhshawon
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Don't even plan on being alone with the girl

    Leave a comment:


  • Sis_Asiya
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Originally posted by Spicen View Post
    Anyone else finds this disturbing?
    Yes. Very much so


    Also going by OP'S other threads not good

    Leave a comment:


  • Spicen
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
    I'm not in love with one girl all the time, since I rarely if ever see these girls, my interests change often, and I admire multiple girls at once or at different, but close, times........I got excited over the idea of Serra because I'm going to see her on vacation in only a year, whereas with Nurgul I have to wait 5 years.....
    Anyone else finds this disturbing?

    Leave a comment:


  • Sis_Asiya
    replied
    Re: Should I not apologize if I have bad intentions?

    Have you seen a doctor or a psychologist? Or counsellor just someone to speak to no joke re OP because with your autism ADHD ocd and anxiety it may help you as you keep focusing upon younger people who are underage and it's not healthy or right at all

    Leave a comment:


  • ForeverMonotheist1
    replied
    Re: How do I control myself around my cousin when there is FREE MIXING?

    Originally posted by Ria View Post
    She aint his niece lol


    It was example :P

    Even for cousins he should be careful. We live in world of 7 billion citizens. Just a friendly advise.

    Leave a comment:


  • Spicen
    replied
    Re: How do I control myself around my cousin when there is FREE MIXING?

    Striving for female cousin.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ria
    replied
    Re: How do I control myself around my cousin when there is FREE MIXING?

    Originally posted by ForeverMonotheist1 View Post
    Cute Romantic story, but bro try to discover the outside world beyond family.
    Let niece be your last option in very desperate situation
    She aint his niece lol

    Leave a comment:


  • Striving for Janna
    replied
    Re: Questions about marriage proposals

    Originally posted by muslimboy764 View Post
    you keep making threads on her

    do you know what a marriage entails?
    ok brother I got your reputation comment, I'll just wait for someone who knows more and is married to answer, but thanks anyway....

    Leave a comment:


  • Striving for Janna
    replied
    Re: Questions about marriage proposals

    Originally posted by muslimboy764 View Post
    you keep making threads on her

    do you know what a marriage entails?
    I'm not mature enough for marriage yet, and I don't know everything about what a marriage entails.....but I'm curious about this aspect of it.....please brother, I have ADHD, Autism, and OCD and worry a lot, I just need to know these things because I'm very curious....and I don't want to worry....could you please answer the question at hand....please? btw I'm Turkish if that helps...

    Leave a comment:


  • muslimboy764
    replied
    Re: Questions about marriage proposals

    you keep making threads on her

    do you know what a marriage entails?

    Leave a comment:


  • Striving for Janna
    replied
    Questions about marriage proposals

    how do I ask a girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage, without having a panic attack, or simply not knowing what to do? one girl I have in mind is my cousin on my dad's side.......she's two years younger than me......and I plan on proposing once i get my college education....but under high stress situations I tend to panic, and I have no idea how I would go about doing this.....do I call him? cause I don't have his number.......do I pull him aside to speak to him privately, and then ask him, and if so, how would I ask him, and then what happens? how do these things work? my autistic mind is kicking in and I'm hyperfocusing and obsessing with this...I really need to know....for those of you who are married, your experience would be most welcome.... :)

    Leave a comment:

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