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  • My wife dont respect my parents

    Assalamaliaikom,

    I need serios helt Brothers and sisters. IT has been turer years that i have been married and we still love eachother. We live seperately from my parents.

    The first year was good. I did everything to her. She wanted me to go to my parents once in two weeks so i listened to her. Because she want time to send with me since we work all the time. Basiclly i did everything She asked me its because i loved her. One night we were in a wedding and it has been long time. They asked me to dance but my wife told me not too,( not because of anything religions)but i did anyways. She began to get angry and when my brother drove her home. She slammed the door and and went to our house.

    After that night everything changed. I went often to my parents. Once a week and i spend the weekend over my parents. Because i missed them and they missed me.

    In three years of marriage she has never invited over my parents. One day when we fought she went over and was rude to my parents. Another time in a ceremony she saw my Mother but did not Even Said Salam or greated her.

    After many fight i became voilent. when i hit she hit me back. One night she called Police on me. But did not made a case. I asked her why she called the Police she Said its because she wanted me to stop

    I was twice away from her for two months because she was rude to my mother. Alle when my moms told her that she is like a daughter to her. She Said No iam not like your daughter

    Now we have came in a situation where we are talking about divorce. She is saying that i Can go to my parents anytime i want but i have to be home at night. But i say why dont you Come with me with my parents. IT feels like i have to chose between my wife and parents. I want to spend time with my family and overnight sometimes. But she dont want that

    Please help people

  • #2
    Re: My wife dont respect my parents

    Salamu'alaikum,what did ur parents do to her for her to hate ur parents so much... From what I can see it was just meant to be purely targeted at u?
    "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

    "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: My wife dont respect my parents

      My parents often tell me to Come to home. She dont like that i think. WHOs targeting me?
      Last edited by Fazlo; 29-05-16, 09:40 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: My wife dont respect my parents

        Originally posted by Fazlo View Post
        My parents often tell me to Come to home. She dont like that i think. WHOs targeting me?
        I'm sorry I meant from what I read, your wife's emotion is supposed to be targeted at you and not your parents.

        Are you in love with your wife?
        "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

        "Nothing protects the rights of the minority like the tyranny of the majority"

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: My wife dont respect my parents

          What role does Islam play in your life and your wifes life? Do you both pray every obligatory prayer? Do you both understand the rights and duties of the parents, husband and wife?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: My wife dont respect my parents

            Originally posted by Akhūka View Post
            What role does Islam play in your life and your wifes life? Do you both pray every obligatory prayer? Do you both understand the rights and duties of the parents, husband and wife?
            Good question...


            Fazlo, may Allah rectify your situation for the better.
            *"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."* [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
            "Mindless are those who only jump when told to jump, cry when told to cry, and laugh when told to laugh. Indeed, they are but sheep." TheStrivingUmmi

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            • #7
              Re: My wife dont respect my parents

              Maybe talk with her about the situation instead of trying to force her? Clearly you guys like basic communication.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                Why did you hit your wife? That isn't going to make her respect your parents if anything she will lose respect for you also. Judging from what you've posted there is a lack of respect anyway.. This will only escalate the situation.

                You need to sit down with your wife and have an adult conversation with her. Find out why she doesn't like you going to your parents or why she doesn't want to go.

                I'm pretty shocked that she didn't give your mother salams.

                You mentioned the first year of your marriage was good. What's changed?

                The both of you need to communicate more.
                Last edited by Hannahk92; 30-05-16, 11:07 AM.
                ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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                • #9
                  Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                  The first year of your marriage was only good because you obeyed her.
                  You didn't visit your parents as much, you did everything she said.

                  Why?
                  Because you were infatuated with her and gave her control over you.

                  Now that has changed. Honeymoon period is over and you have probably realised that you have been neglectful in your duties as a son. and she doesn't like that.
                  Yes you should be fair and give your wife adequate time but how can she tell you to not visit your parents? How has she stopped you from inviting your parents to your own house? Why would she not even make salam to your mother?

                  Im sure she has her side to the story.
                  I am shocked that she would be so rude to your parents and disrespect you so much.
                  But i am even more shocked that you would put up with all this for so many years.

                  What are her parents saying? What is her side of the families reaction to all this?
                  You need some intermediaries to sort all this out

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                    Originally posted by Fazlo View Post
                    Assalamaliaikom,

                    One night we were in a wedding and it has been long time. They asked me to dance but my wife told me not too,( not because of anything religions)but i did anyways. She began to get angry and when my brother drove her home. She slammed the door and and went to our house.

                    After that night everything changed. I went often to my parents. Once a week and i spend the weekend over my parents. Because i missed them and they missed me.

                    In three years of marriage she has never invited over my parents. One day when we fought she went over and was rude to my parents. Another time in a ceremony she saw my Mother but did not Even Said Salam or greated her.

                    After many fight i became voilent. when i hit she hit me back. One night she called Police on me. But did not made a case. I asked her why she called the Police she Said its because she wanted me to stop

                    I was twice away from her for two months because she was rude to my mother. Alle when my moms told her that she is like a daughter to her. She Said No iam not like your daughter

                    Now we have came in a situation where we are talking about divorce. She is saying that i Can go to my parents anytime i want but i have to be home at night. But i say why dont you Come with me with my parents. IT feels like i have to chose between my wife and parents. I want to spend time with my family and overnight sometimes. But she dont want that

                    Please help people
                    I think you have more immediate problems to deal with than your wife not visiting your parents.

                    I would have a serious problem with some of the things you mention:
                    1 Dancing because your parents told you to, this shows that you obey your parents even when they are wrong.
                    2. Spending all weekend every weekend at your parents house. You should make weekend plans with your wife sometimes also. You spend all your recreation time with you parents, when do you and your wife very go out and have fun.
                    3. Hitting each other. This has to stop.


                    You say she is making you choose your wife or your parents. Well I don't see that she is. She 's not trying to stop you from seeing them. Just wants you to be home.

                    As for her relationship with you parents, I can't tell what that might be, you don't tell us why your wife doensn't like your parents.

                    You need to base your relationship with your wife on the basis of an islamic household, and not how well she gets along with your family. (Yes they are two different things).

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                      I'm having troubles trying to understand who is the wife and who is the husband in this marriage.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                        Originally posted by Ikki View Post
                        I think you have more immediate problems to deal with than your wife not visiting your parents.

                        I would have a serious problem with some of the things you mention:
                        1 Dancing because your parents told you to, this shows that you obey your parents even when they are wrong.
                        2. Spending all weekend every weekend at your parents house. You should make weekend plans with your wife sometimes also. You spend all your recreation time with you parents, when do you and your wife very go out and have fun.
                        3. Hitting each other. This has to stop.


                        You say she is making you choose your wife or your parents. Well I don't see that she is. She 's not trying to stop you from seeing them. Just wants you to be home.

                        As for her relationship with you parents, I can't tell what that might be, you don't tell us why your wife doensn't like your parents.

                        You need to base your relationship with your wife on the basis of an islamic household, and not how well she gets along with your family. (Yes they are two different things).

                        This^


                        I know your situation is not a laughing matter, but I'm still stuck on the part where you say you sleep at your parents house every weekend:rotfl: dude...



                        Anyways I'm assuming you're missing a lot out from this story (obviously her side). A woman likes a strong assertive man (not abusive), I would not consider you assertive or passive with your wife (except for the first year, which was less than smart on your part). However, you are clearly passive towards your parents. You can be a dutiful son without sleeping over there every weekend.

                        You need to start practicing islam properly and establish an islamic home, you need to be assertive with your wife (not abusive) However, you will only accomplish this if you show her kindness, compassion and consideration (and spend the weekends with her, or at least sleep in the same house as her lol). Also visit her family too, that will bring great love between you in shaa Allah!


                        You can twist the story on UF just to get sympathy and what not, however, this will NOT improve your situation. Be real with yourself, and truly acknowledge the situation so you can start the process of repairing things together.


                        Every situation needs a hero, so be that hero for the sake of your marriage and family. I'm sure your parents will be proud of you once you have established an a calm islamic home/family life and also being there for them too (once again, nooooo need to sleep over lol)

                        May Allah put endless baaraka in your marriage, and increase the love between your wife n your family, ameeeen!

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                        • #13
                          Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                          cause online support will help solve ur marriage woes ....



                          incredible how people think , practical help is what you need rather than online help , practical intervention to be precise.



                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                            sounds like a movie sketch , u slap her and she slapped u back , and then u started crying foul.



                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: My wife dont respect my parents

                              I lold, like bro you said you hit her then she hit you so she is violent? Ugh so fob I can't even.
                              unconditional love for all of mankind.

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