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  • Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

    :salams

    In ML's thread about the couple divorcing due to texting, Qiyamah posted a link to the article with more to the story and it also included links to divorce stories like this

    And this site which talks about how there's eight divorces an hour in Saudi.

    That's just crazy to me. We can say "Saudi be crazy" but divorce rates are rising rapidly all over the world.

    So I just have a simple question, why are we treating marriage like a joke? The more people divorce over stupid reasons, the more people will not want to get married for fear of ending like them.
    وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
    "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
    Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
    [2:186]

    .:.
    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

  • #2
    Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

    It's sad, so many people are getting divorced these days for things that could be resolved.
    And strive because the sweetness of life lies in the struggle - Imam al-Shafi'i

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

      I've noticed this problem to. Honestly it has so much to do with the couple having unrealistic expections of marriage. The men go into the marriage thinking that the wife is going to treat him like a king and follow his every single demand without any back talk. And the women think he's gonna be so sweet and loving and kind.

      I've heard of people getting divorced or marrying another woman just because his wife wouldn't make dinner everyday or because she wouldn't put his socks on for him.
      Don't depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in the darkness

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

        Nothing happens in isolation, just because the final act might be ridiculous does not mean the end result is incorrect.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
          Nothing happens in isolation, just because the final act might be ridiculous does not mean the end result is incorrect.
          Normally I would say "You're right" and then expand on why I feel this way, but the way people are divorcing lately I don't know if I can agree with you 100%. Maybe 70-75% of the time it's due to things building up and then breaking down. But the other 25-30% of the times it's something that can be solved if the couple would simply let go of their egos and not think in a "Me, Myself, and I" kind way.


          Like the story above, the brother may have been annoyed that his wife left the door open but by saying what he said she's now gone from his life and refuses to reconcile with him. That shows that he probably said that in anger and that was her tipping point....though truthfully, I would have done the same thing if my spouse said something like that. It's treating the marriage like a joke due to anger and ego. That's not right.
          وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُواْ لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُواْ بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
          "And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright."
          Surah al-Baqarah ayah 186
          [2:186]

          .:.
          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

            That's really dumb. The wife probably expected her husband to close the door for her because that's what a gentleman is supposed to do. But I can see how the husband could interpret that as disrespect. Still really dumb though.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
              Normally I would say "You're right" and then expand on why I feel this way, but the way people are divorcing lately I don't know if I can agree with you 100%. Maybe 70-75% of the time it's due to things building up and then breaking down. But the other 25-30% of the times it's something that can be solved if the couple would simply let go of their egos and not think in a "Me, Myself, and I" kind way.


              Like the story above, the brother may have been annoyed that his wife left the door open but by saying what he said she's now gone from his life and refuses to reconcile with him. That shows that he probably said that in anger and that was her tipping point....though truthfully, I would have done the same thing if my spouse said something like that. It's treating the marriage like a joke due to anger and ego. That's not right.
              Do you honestly believe the marriage ended because of an open door? I guess it could but I'd be more inclined to think other things have happened. Unless we live these relationships we will never know what's really going on.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                :wswrwb:

                Too many reasons.

                1. They both never learned to value marriage or the value of marriage.
                2. Women these days feel too "independent" and able to take care of themselves, so they don't really see divorce as a big deal.
                3. People are too immature for marriage and everything that comes with it.
                4. A lot of these people start their relationship in a haram way, which obviously does not carry any blessing when they get married and don't repent.
                5. Most importantly, there is lack of Islam in our lives. If people followed the Sunnah, this won't be happening.
                Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                  Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
                  :wswrwb:

                  Too many reasons.

                  1. They both never learned to value marriage or the value of marriage.
                  2. Women these days feel too "independent" and able to take care of themselves, so they don't really see divorce as a big deal.
                  3. People are too immature for marriage and everything that comes with it.
                  4. A lot of these people start their relationship in a haram way, which obviously does not carry any blessing when they get married and don't repent.
                  5. Most importantly, there is lack of Islam in our lives. If people followed the Sunnah, this won't be happening.
                  Don't exactly agree with #2. The stigma of being a divorced woman is enough to make a Muslim woman think twice. Even worse if there are children.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                    it's cuz of the west

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                      Don't exactly agree with #2. The stigma of being a divorced woman is enough to make a Muslim woman think twice. Even worse if there are children.
                      Only in certain cultures. Esp. Western Muslim women they think they are "independent."
                      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

                      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
                      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                        Originally posted by musicisme6565 View Post
                        it's cuz of the west
                        no, this is happening in a 'muslim' country

                        We can't blame the west for everything and we'll have to take the blame at one point. 'He did it', 'she did it' isn't working anymore.

                        The west can influence people but it is up to the individual to decide what path they want to take.
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          no, this is happening in a 'muslim' country

                          We can't blame the west for everything and we'll have to take the blame at one point. 'He did it', 'she did it' isn't working anymore.

                          The west can influence people but it is up to the individual to decide what path they want to take.
                          I see you're still here

                          no, this is happening in a 'muslim' country
                          I know

                          We can't blame the west for everything and we'll have to take the blame at one point.

                          Actually we can, and I never said that we don't have any blame in it

                          The west can influence people but it is up to the individual to decide what path they want to take

                          That's what I say. The only thing is the west is influencing us too much and we Muslims keep copying them. To them marriage is nothing big, but for us it should be. We Muslims however are fixated on being more like them. Their beliefs make way into ours. You're actually right, though all this can be blamed on the west and they did start all this crap, we are the ones that are the most at fault.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                            Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                            :salams

                            In ML's thread about the couple divorcing due to texting, Qiyamah posted a link to the article with more to the story and it also included links to divorce stories like this



                            And this site which talks about how there's eight divorces an hour in Saudi.

                            That's just crazy to me. We can say "Saudi be crazy" but divorce rates are rising rapidly all over the world.

                            So I just have a simple question, why are we treating marriage like a joke? The more people divorce over stupid reasons, the more people will not want to get married for fear of ending like them.
                            Maybe because they never learned the value of marriage and live in a world where there is constant upgrade and believe the same applies to marriage? Whereas in older generations there was a fix and mend it mentality?

                            People lack the maturity and ability to compromise nowadays
                            82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Divorcing or causing divorces over stupid things

                              It is the internet culture...the women are becoming disobedient and the men are not showing respect.....So what if your husband ask to shut the door, just do it....or to the husband, you see the door open then just close it yourself since you are near...
                              Marriage should be about doing things for each other without expecting anything in return...if both see it like that then both of them will benefit from it...
                              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                              Comment

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